The Post Mortem: Best Pro Bowl Ever

Some are calling Sunday's Pro Bowl the best of all-time. Be glad that the response is going to be cleaned up after words like handjob were going to be used in an analogy. And cousins.

But I digress.

But I haven't seen people go through the motions so obviously since Nicole Kidman was married to Tom Cruise.

The Pro Bowl had all of the sincerity of a stripper explaining that this is her first weekend on the job, and that she is going back to El Paso to be a paramedic.

So lets dispense all of the niceness.

CBS is squarely on my s-list right now, and deservedly so.

The argument I laid out on Friday, still rings true today. In this economy, no television network should be turning down $2 million for a 30-second commercial. Want to deliver a pro-life message? Fine, give me $2 million. Want to advertise your gay dating website? Wonderful, give me $2 million. Want Gomer to sell televisions?

We will get back to you on that one.

I have the same argument that I had before. Is a 30-second spot going to turn you gay or even offend you? And let's be real, this is not anti-gay. Because when two chicks say, 'Let's make out' during a Miller Lite ad, that is a ratings hit. But two guys embracing on a couch, that is too racy.

Honestly, that is tamer than the sexual tension in Top Gun.

To be honest, CBS is probably not entirely at fault here. You have to imagine that the NFL is a little bit uncomfortable. Because the only embracing and other homoerotic behavior should be saved for the field, not the Super Bowl commercials. The only ass-grabbing should come from Brett Favre. The only endzones to be violated should be the ones on the field, and at Terrell Owens' house.

And speaking of distasteful. CBS ruined How I Met Your Mother with Jim Nantz and Nick Swisher on one episode. What, did they have to balance out the extreme awesomeness of having Rachel Bilson and Amanda Peet on consecutive weeks?

Here is a question I have, too. If CBS is so concerned with family values, why is Nantz being allowed to broadcast the game? He cannot keep his wife happy.

Too soon?

EDGE WINS the Royal Rumble. That, next to Wrestlemania, is my favorite WWF PPV. We will get into the Super Bowl tomorrow as Media Day rolls on.

AND FINALLY ...

The Bears have hired Mike Martz? Wow, that offense should be great outdoors. In Chicago. In the winter. I don't have the stats, but you have to imagine that Martz's offense struggles out in the wind and snow, right? Although, that is a guess.

Oh, and Cutler should buy some health insurance. He is going to get his butt kicked.