House: Hey! You! I know you! I know you!

Spoilers for �House� coming up just as soon as I make sure my pills haven�t been tampered with...

Ahh, the therapy episode. A tried and true TV staple, and handy as all get out when you have a bunch of new characters who haven�t had much solo time to establish themselves. This being �House,� of course, they couldn�t do things as simply as to have the candidates deal with an actual therapist, so instead they disguised the concept with the mirror syndrome patient, well-played by Frank Whaley. And, as Grumpy noted, this wasn�t exactly like seeing a shrink because the patient was completely unbiased. As viewers, we needed to buy into the notion that he could completely psychoanalyze someone after hearing them utter a few sentences, but when you�ve got a dozen or so characters and only 42 minutes of screen time, leaps need to be taken.

(Poor Whaley, by the way. His career seemed so promising after �Field of Dreams,� �The Freshman� and his Oliver Stone movies, but then the ironically-titled �Career Opportunities� essentially killed it, and now most people just know him as the guy whose burger Sam Jackson eats in �Pulp Fiction.�)

Sorry. End digression. While I don�t think we learned anything we didn�t already know about Cutthroat Bitch, Grumpy or Unnicknamed Plastic Surgeon, Kutner (who I keep wanting to just call Kumar for simplicity�s sake) was a pretty blank slate before last night, and we even got some minor insight into the mystery that is Thirteen.

While I�d be fine with never seeing Cameron or Chase again, I�m glad Foreman�s back. Omar Epps and Hugh Laurie have developed some strong chemistry over the years -- maybe not Laurie/Robert Sean Leonard strong, but strong enough -- and he serves a valuable role that I don�t think any of the candidates can, as the one guy who always stands up to House and the one doctor House respects unreservedly (much as he acts like he doesn�t).

Nice to see Wilson and Cuddy get more prominence after being mostly AWOL during the candidate search, and the only thing the episode was really lacking were more reminders that Chase had chosen �Nobody� in the pool; by the time we got to the payoff about Chase and House splitting the profits, I had forgotten about the set-up. Plus, I�m pleased to see in the previews that the dreaded Michael Michele�s role won�t be one (presumably) that could threaten to turn into a regular gig.

What did everybody else think?

Reaper: It's the great Satan, Pumpkin Sam

Spoilers for the much-improved Halloween episode of �Reaper� coming up just as soon as I figure out whether I still have my copy of Stephen Sondheim�s �Assassins� script...

Just when I was about to write off �Reaper� as a one-episode wonder, along comes an episode that was easily the best since the pilot, full of humor, pathos and tweaks on an already-tired formula. Now, a show about Satan�s minions should consider a Haloween episode a gimme, but the �Reaper� of the last few weeks seemed incapable of rising to the occasion. (I figured, at best, that we�d see Sam go after the soul while dressed as a ballerina or something else humiliating.)

When I�ve complained about the lack of face time for the escaped souls, a character like Leon -- very loosely based, given the real guy�s fondness for anarchism, on Leon Czolgosz -- is exactly what I had in mind. It�s a lot more interesting when Sam�s prey has a personality � compare how Leon dominated the episode while the primary target, the Butcher, was just an afterthought (and the lamest-looking CGI hellhound since Sigourney Weaver and Rick Moranis at the end of �Ghostbusters�). It helps when you have a very funny guy like Patton Oswalt around, but Leon was entertaining both as himself and as a wedge between Sam and Sock.

Meanwhile, we got the first real growth in Sam�s relationship with the Devil, who (perhaps foolishly) let Sam witness an unguarded moment of his Linus-esque melancholy over the commercialization of Halloween. I don�t know if any other Satan-themed movie or TV show has made that point before (I stopped with �Brimstone� after the pilot), but it�s an astute � and, as beautifully played by Ray Wise, funny � one.

There were some other nice touches throughout, like the shameless Sock�s pumpkin envy, the visits to the DMV both without and then with Gladys, and Ben bonding with yet another animal from Hell. I even found Ted amusing for once with his overenthusiasm for Halloween.

So, one-time fluke thanks to the Halloween inspiration, or a sign that Fazekas and Butters have realized they can�t just stick to the formula every week?

Everything you wanted to know about the WGA strike but were afraid to ask

Thoughts on "House" and, if I see it, "Reaper," coming up later this morning. In the meantime, tonight at midnight is when the WGA contract expires, but there's a chance that a strike could be pushed back a week to 10 days, according to Variety. That story also has a good breakdown of the issues still being negotiated and where each one stands. Adalian and Schneider also have a very helpful primer on just what TV is going to look like in the event of a strike. Short version: fans of "Everybody Hates Chris" and trashy reality TV will be fine, fans of latenight TV are screwed, and fans of everything else are somewhere in between.

Unhappy Anniversary

Georgia Frontandrearie did more than just kill a husband and professional football in Southern California -- she also ruined Halloween. The Rams inexplicably traded Eric Dickerson twenty years ago today. And while it's hard to pinpoint one specific moment of incompetence from Frontandrearie that led to the end of the franchise in 1994, this was her signature moment.

Actually, her signature move would have been to have swimmers hold Dickerson underwater while he swam in Newport Beach. But then the Rams would have never got studs such as Gaston Green, Aaron Cox, Fred Strickland, Cleveland Gary, Frank Stams and Darryl Henley via trade.

Oh well, at least Dickerson is now in the St. Louis Ring of Honor, after being ungracefully tossed from the franchise and probably having never played a game in St. Louis. Yeah, that makes it totally even.

Fitzgerald has Grease Fettish

You hear that Cardinals receiver Larry Fitzgerald has knocked up a Raiderette and you think, alright, the Raiders cheerleaders are as easy as ever. This is going to be the best story of the year.

And then you find out that it's a 37-year-old former Raiderette who looks like she played the part of Betty Rizzo in the dinner theater production of Grease, resulting in one of the biggest let downs since that alleged lesbian encounter with a pair of Panthers cheerleaders in Tampa. How low are the Cardinals on the trophy girlfriend totem pole? Matt Leinart goes for Amazon, WNBA rejects while Fitzgerald bags an aging Sopranos extra. Even the LA Avengers pull better chicks than this.

Fitzgerald is very close with former Cardinals coach Dennis Green, and even took a life lesson from the current Coors pitchman, asking his baby's mama to have an abortion. Remember that, fantasy geeks, when the Kurt Warner Machine ignores Fitzgerald because of that.

Heroes: Hell if I know

Spoilers for "Heroes" coming up just as soon as I find a non-English speaker I can monologue to...

It's a measure of how low a bar "Heroes" has set for itself this season that I could come to the end of an episode with so much wrong with it like "The Line" and think that it was actually one of the better installments they've done.

The bad parts are obvious: Mohinder remains little more than a writer's tool who inevitably chooses the path of least intelligence to suit the needs of a story, Maya and Alejandro are just as dull and repetitive with Sylar as they were without him, every story moves at a glacial pace (arguably this week's worst offender: Peter and his bonnie wee lass in Montreal), and promised huge moments never quite materialize (the legendary battle between Kensei and an army that Hiro kept describing turned out to be two or three guys chasing them through a tent maze).

And yet, in the middle of this mess were a few great scenes in which Jack Coleman and the writers re-embraced the dark side of the Force when it comes to HRG. Threatening a man with the loss of his most treasured memories is a lot more entertaining than seeing Jack Bauer shoot people in the leg -- though the fact that HRG later killed the guy (in another pleasant surprise) sort of rendered that punishment moot.

But the problems remain huge. Scott Collins from the LA Times did a brief interview with Tim Kring the other day in which Kring sounded mystified about all the complaints about this season:

"People tend to look at last season and see things in it that were not in it," Kring told me by phone. "We haven't deviated that much" from last year's formula.

Actually, I agree with both of those statements. I think the novelty and forward momentum of the first season often made it seem more interesting than it actually was, and I think by far the biggest miscalculation of season two has been Kring's refusal to deviate from last year's formula. We already did the whole "heroes across the globe slowly converge on New York to prevent an apocalypse" arc last year (and my guess is that it's New York again because the "Heroes" FX team already had the CGI code for Times Square and it made their lives easier). Why are we just repeating that? Why not have more of the characters together from the start of this year, if only to reduce the number of storylines and therefore help them all progress more quickly?

It's strange how Kring and company have no problem borrowing liberally from comic books when it suits their purposes (the various stories lifted from Watchmen, Monica's powers, the entirety of "Five Years Later") and yet they're reluctant to copy such an obvious theme as the formation and dysfunction of a super-team. I'm not saying they should have broken out the spandex and codenames, but a season where, say, the Petrelli and Bennet families were living in close proximity and struggling to define their relationships and how they should use their powers seems a hell of a lot more interesting than anything that's been done with these characters spread across the globe.

Maybe it's a failure of nerve. The season one denouement showed that Kring and company are going to struggle with the big epic payoffs (though "Five Years Later" did just fine as a mostly standalone epic), so rather than try something more ambitious that they might have even more trouble pulling off, the writers have retreated back to the formula that served them so well back when the show and its characters were new and we didn't know how the magic tricks worked. And if that's the reason, then I doubt a significant improvement's going to come anytime soon. Like Kring says, this is what "Heroes" is, like it or not. At the moment, I don't like it very much.

What did everybody else think?

Bones bonus

I had intended for today's column to actually be a three-fer, with the "Nip/Tuck" review, the "My So-Called Life" DVD preview, and also a few words about tonight's Halloween episode of "Bones." But I only have so much space in the paper, and went on longer than planned about McNamara/Troy in LA, so I'm going to take advantage of the unlimited space of this blog and write a bit about "Bones" after the jump.

Now, I never really warmed to "Bones" when it first debuted. I liked David Boreanaz displaying his light comedy chops as Booth, but Brennan seemed less a character to me than a collection of anti-social tics designed to approximate Dr. House. (Plus, on a more nitpicky level, I never bought into the notion that a woman this clueless about and uninterested in human behavior would either want to or be capable of writing a series of best-selling mystery novels.) Given how many TV shows I watch in a given week, I don't usually make time for crime procedurals, and on the rare occasions when I do, it's usually "NCIS," which makes me all nostalgic for the light dramas of my '80s youth.

But people I know like Dan Fienberg kept insisting that "Bones" had become a lot of fun. So when the show added John Francis Daley from "Freaks and Geeks" to the cast last week as a young shrink counseling Booth and Brennan about their (professional) relationship, I decided to give it another shot -- and I'm glad I did.

In the long period of time that I've been away, it would seem that the writers have played to Boreanaz's lighter side more and more, and he and Emily Deschanel have developed a nice comic rapport. Last week's therapy scenes were genuinely funny (and even kinda sweet when Booth thought Brennan wouldn't want to know him under different circumstances), and tonight's show has a lot of good scenes of them sparking off each other. The pictured Halloween costumes are a nice touch (I've always had a weakness for Halloween episodes, especially on dramas), but even better is a scene where the duo are interviewing a fundamentalist preacher. Bones the empiricist seems genuinely interested in how the guy justifies parts of his belief system, but naturally asks about it in the bluntest way possible, and Booth has to explain to the guy that this is just her being curious.

The mysteries are still limited by the nature of the format -- given X number of suspects in a 41-minute episode, odds are the killer's identity will be obvious well before the heroes figure it out -- but I like these characters and I was entertained watching them work. Since I'm not interested in any of the reality show options in this hour, I might have to work "Bones" into semi-regular rotation.

All TV: 'Nip/Tuck' has a little work done

Today's column is a two-fer, starting with a look at the new season of "Nip/Tuck":

Early in tonight's "Nip/Tuck" season premiere (10 p.m., FX), our plastic surgeon anti-heroes are getting a tour of a TV show in need of some medical consultants when they witness the show's star throwing a tantrum over a script for a musical episode.

"That's the kind of desperate schlock you don't do until your fifth season!" he screams.

Though "Nip/Tuck" has thus far resisted the allure of an all-singing, all-dancing hour, the start of the show's fifth season finds creator Ryan Murphy trying two other gimmicks: moving the series from Miami to L.A., and having Christian Troy (Julian McMahon) and Sean McNamara (Dylan Walsh) get involved with show-within-the-show "Hearts 'N Scalpels."

There's also a short item about the "My So-Called Life" DVD. Been having a lot of fun rewatching those episodes, especially the Jason Katims-penned "Life of Brian."

To read the full thing, click here. Will get to "Heroes" later today. Please save your comments until then.

Who blows more?

The 1976 Tampa Bay Buccaneers, arguably the worst team in NFL history, hold the dubious distinction of being the last team to go winless in a season (0-14). And each season, Lee Roy Selmon and members of that team get together to open a bottle of champagne when the final winless team finally crosses over to the winning side. Actually, this is unconfirmed, but they probably do. Gathering at Lee Roy Selmon's restaurant each Sunday during the football year.

That mark seemingly in danger every year, but this year seems especially perilous because there are two teams challenging the NFL's record of futility -- the St. Louis Football Team and the Dolphins. But which team has the best chance of actually making a run at the 1976 Buccaneers?

If both teams end up winless, they should hold a special game the weekend prior to the Super Bowl and call it the Imposs-i-Bowl and let the Dolphins and St. Louis battle it out for the first overall selection in the draft.

The case for St. Louis: At some point you have to ask yourself the question, which is more improbable: St. Louis loses another offensive lineman (Richie Incognito) or that an Olympic swimmer would drown in three feet of water? Well probably never know. St. Louis also lost running back Steven Jackson who is hurt with a back injury. And he probably won't be too anxious to get back on the field any time soon.
Potential trap game: Dec. 2 vs. Atlanta

The case for the Dolphins: Who could have seen this coming, seeing that Cam Cameron did such a great job as head coach at Indiana. And if that wasn't enough, the team almost got quarterback Trent Green killed, while Ronnie Brown is done for the season. And in a real committment to get the record, they traded their only other bankable offensive star -- receiver Chris Chambers -- to San Diego so he experience winning.
Potential trap game: Dec. 2 vs. Jets

Who blows more?
	Dolphins
	St. Louis FT

HIMYM: Walk of shame

Brief spoilers for "How I Met Your Mother" coming up just as soon as I disinfect my couch...

Confidence in season... rising. I don't know that this one was as funny as last week's flashback-packed episode, but that's two in a row that reminded me of a conversation I once had with Craig Thomas. I was asking him about the way he and Bays and the other writers like to play with time and unreliable narration, and he said something like, "We like to do episodes that only we would do," if that makes any sense. Several of the episodes from the start of the season felt like they could have been slightly-altered scripts from a half-dozen '90s NBC sitcoms, where these last two have felt uniquely "HIMYM."

Last week obviously played up the chronological comedy, where here what worked were the focus on Marshall and the use of one social ritual (job recruitment) appearing indistinguishable from another (seduction) -- all of it conveniently explained to us by Barney.

The Porno Ted plot probably could have been done on other shows, but the presence of Barney -- and the echoes of "Slap Bet" -- still made it feel specific to this show.

My only complaint -- assuming it's not being done intentionally to mess with viewers like me -- is that, just as Busy Philipps showed up without getting a single scene with Jason Segel, John Cho comes and goes without getting to bounce off Neil Patrick Harris for the "Harold & Kumar" reunion. What's next: Nicholas Brendon plays Robin's new boyfriend in another one of those completely self-contained B-plots that doesn't feature any of the other actors?

What did everybody else think?

Chuck: For your ears only, Casey

Spoilers for the latest "Chuck" coming up just as soon as I rank the James Bond movies in qualitative order (a list that would have "A View to a Kill" at or near the bottom)...

Damn, I enjoyed that. Easily the funniest "Chuck" to date, and one with a decent emotional core, too. I don't know if the show has levels beyond what it's giving us now, but if the execution can be this good every week, I'm cool with it.

Start with the funny, with the episode hilariously bookended by Morgan playing Mystery Crisper (I'll admit that I have a weakness for comedy about people eating or smelling disgusting things) and Chuck tormenting Casey with a rehash of the desert island sandwich debate. In between we got the Captain dressed as Biblical Adam (twice!), the Captain teaching Morgan how to be a tucker (and does it speak ill of me that I'm several years older than both Morgan and the Captain and yet I prefer to be untucked?), and Josh Schwartz spoofing himself with the slo-mo montage of Chuck running to profess his bromantic love to Morgan, which was note-for-note from the New Year's Eve episode of "The O.C." season one, down to the use of Finley Quaye's "Dice" on the soundtrack.

(And if you're not an "O.C." viewer, it's still funny as a spoof of the climax to half the bad romantic comedies produced since "When Harry Met Sally.")

On the emotional core side, the villain of the week worked well as a counterpoint to Chuck, with some similarities but not so many as to be "ER" or "Grey's Anatomy"-level sledgehammer-y, and Chuck and Morgan both dealt with some maturation issues and yet still managed to end the episode doing the Sandworm dance.

Good stuff all around (with the exception of Chuck's "View to a Kill" love, though it's probably age-appropriate as one of the first Bonds he saw). As I'm still wrestling with my twee tolerance when it comes to "Pushing Daisies," I'd have to say this episode puts "Chuck" in the lead as my favorite new show of the season.

What did everybody else think?

Curb: You keep using that word

Brief "Curb Your Enthusiasm" spoilers coming up just as soon as I get a prescription filled...

Soooo close to being a classic "Curb" episode. All the ingredients were there, save the biggest one: the ending. I liked almost everything else -- dating a doctor as parallel to seeing a doctor, Jeff's dismay at turning bald (Jeff Garlin is almost as good as Susie Essman at playing comic rage, but it's often funnier because he's called on to do it so rarely), Larry getting into trouble for using the N-word (and, especially, Larry being branded a bigot by the pharmacist because of the doctor's hilariously-phrased note) -- but then we came to the final minutes and it was clear Larry didn't come up with a good way to end it.

After all, after getting into trouble twice for repeating verbatim what the guy in the men's room said, shouldn't Larry have figured out by now that he can tell the story without using the word? Plus, Jeff and Susie know the story now; when Larry froze up, why didn't one of them finish it?

Still, 95% of a really funny episode, and seeing Brenda Strong with Larry David reminded me of the old story about how, when he cast her to play braless wonder Sue Ellen Mischke, she noted that she was nursing and, therefore, could make her breasts whatever size Larry wanted.

What did everybody else think?

Letters

Today's column is a mailbag, dealing in part with the possibility (probability?) of a WGA strike, the whereabouts of the "Law & Order" mothership, and the end of "Damages" (which I didn't see).

Hello. My name is Dexter Morgan. You killed my mother. Prepare to die.

Spoilers for "Dexter" coming right up (and, yes, I know I did the "Princess Bride" homage with a "Lost" post last spring, but it was too apropos to not recycle)...

Two different perspectives on the same situation: Dexter and Lila both believe that she�s helping him, but Lila thinks she�s helping Dexter beat his �addiction,� while Dexter thinks Lila�s on the verge of becoming his sidekick and confidante in serial killing. I don�t know if Dexter�s right, but considering the premise of the show, I don�t think Lila is, even though both of them came to these conclusions after she talked Dexter out of committing the most justified murder of his life.

Great episode, even if the red lighting in the bar and use of �Gimme Shelter� wasn�t so much a Scorsese homage as a bit of cheap shorthand. This is the most off the rails we�ve ever seen Dexter; even when he was screwing things up with Little Chino, he was at least sticking to the parts of The Code of Harry about preparation, concealing his identity, etc. Here, he just lost it, and it�s a mark of how well this show makes me both empathize with Dexter and understand his methods that, as he was in the middle of beating on and preparing to kill the man who killed his mother, all I could think was, �Man, you�re leaving fingerprints everywhere!�

(Of course, being methodical winds up potentially screwing him over in the end, as he goes to clean his boat of blood unaware of the surveillance camera Lundy installed at the marina. How exactly is Dexter going to slip out of that noose?)

If there was going to be a Scorsese-endorsed Stones song on the soundtrack, maybe it should have been �Sympathy for the Devil,� given the sales pitch on justifiable homicide that Dexter seems to be beginning with Lila. The question is how willing she�s going to be to buy into it. On the one hand, so much of Lila seems in synch with Dexter: the addiction, the use of mannequin parts the way Rudy used human bodies, the fascination with dead bodies, and now the news that she killed a man who did her wrong (albeit accidentally). On the other hand, Dexter is a badly-damaged individual, warped by an experience far more horrific than I imagine Lila has ever witnessed. Where he sees a potential sidekick, I see (or want to see) a woman who�s going to be dismayed if/when she finds out what Dexter really is.

Meanwhile, I�m curious to find out whether Frank Lundy�s anything other than the man he�s presented himself as so far. I admire the writers� willingness to depict the man hunting Dexter as such a decent guy, not just a good investigator but an attentive father figure to Deb, who�s trying to teach her how to be a better cop and person while getting over her Ice Truck Killer trauma. The parallels between Deb with Lundy and Dexter with Harry are so strong, though, that this episode�s revelations about Harry�s secret relationship with Dexter�s mom makes me wonder what skeletons Lundy has in his closet. Is his interest in Deb entirely paternal, or will there (God, I hope not) be a moment where he reveals himself to be just another creep in her life? Does he, like every other character on this show, have some hidden kink, or is his role entirely to show what a fully functional human being looks like when thrown into Dexter�s sick world?

What did everybody else think?

The Post Mortem

If you had trouble getting cell phone reception on Sunday, you could probably blame Jim Sorgi's Mom who tied up the nation's cellular system with this message: "OMG, JIMZ IN DA GAME. GOMER SUX, - SORGI�S MOM" to her entire contacts list.

Thats' right, Jim Sorgi made his first appearance of the season and it should not be viewed as a coincidence that the Colts went on to defeat the Panthers, 31-7. Too bad the cameras couldn't capture that moment where Sorgi said, "Oh hell, I have to go into this game? Why can't Bellichick be our coach because then I'd never have to play."

But the big news is New England and Indianapolis both overcame temptation to look ahead, and instead took care of business rather handedly against potentially dangerous opponents. So now we get one of the biggest regular season games probably since the Cowboys and 49ers were slugging it out in the early 1990s. That also means that the real Super Bowl will be the AFC Championship Game, too.

The early handicap on this game has to favor the Colts -- especially if Sorgi is going to get into the game. The Colts will be at home and they have beaten the Patriots three consecutive times. The Patriots have looked pretty good, putting up impressive numbers against some allegedly good teams. But be honest, if the Colts really wanted to put a whooping on somebody, they certainly could. But Tony Dungy isn't hung like a field mouse, hellbent on letting everybody know how great he is. And nobody is going to confuse the AFC South opponents with the NFL Europe squads masquerading as the AFC East.

• For those of you complaining about Bill Belichick running up the score, you need to stop it right now. If you want to stop the Patriots from scoring you play defense send somebody out on the field to go Charles Martin on Tom Brady. That would put an end to it really quick. Luckily for the Patriots, Rodney Harrison plays for them.

THE CHARGERS RETURN
Congratulations to the city of San Diego for getting Qualcomm Stadium ready for an NFL game, that probably shouldn�t have been played. The Chargers performance also was a pleasant surprise considering that this team could have certainly mailed in this game. The game was a nice boost for the community that certainly needed some good news. A true triumph for the spirit of California.

But �

Don�t let the 35-10 score cover up the fact that the Chargers couldn�t really muster any offense in the second half. The Chargers ended the game with 237 total yards, with two touchdowns coming on special teams and defense. Antonio Cromartie�s first touchdown being a total gift. So take it with a grain of salt when the media starts to proclaim that the Chargers are ready to challenge for the AFC title.

The true test will come on Nov. 11 when the Chargers play host to the Colts, followed by games at Jacksonville, Baltimore, and at Kansas City. Win those games, and that will be impressive.

Seriously, did you think you were going to be able to enjoy this? You know better by now.

• Hopefully the Colts won�t be looking past the Patriots game with the Chargers looming one week after.

• Philip Rivers completed only seven passes (on 11 attempts), but three of them were for touchdowns. That touchdown-to-pass ratio puts him in the company of some other great passers � like LaDainian Tomlinson.

• Mike Williams might be one of the biggest stiffs in the NFL. But that�s only because Dwayne Jarrett hasn�t been around long enough. Williams gator-armed a crucial fourth-down pass in the final minute that drew quite a tirade from former Raiders quarterback Rich Gannon. Normally, you wouldn't think of playing a rookie who missed the entire preseason, but Daunte Culpepper is pushing the Raiders close to starting JaMarcus Russell. What the Raiders should do is give Russell a series here as as change-of-pace quarterback who can do some things that Culpepper can't. Like complete a pass. That's what makes Williams drop understandable -- it was the rare Culpepper throw that actually hit its intended target in the numbers.
  

• If the St. Louis football team is going to get over on the Browns, they might make a real run at 0-16. But the Dolphins might have them beat. Thankfully, residents in Southern California were treated to another Giants game. Haven�t we suffered enough? And you don�t want the NFL back here because you would start missing these awesome Giants games?

• Speaking of stadium, the Chargers had better get really comfortable at Qualcomm Stadium or else look to put some money into expanding Sam Boyd Stadium in Las Vegas, because there is no way you can justify using public funds to build a stadium. That is, if there was ever a justification for it before.

• The toughest job in sports? Trying to figure out which of the five Sunday games are going to have to be a part of NFL Network's "NFL Replay." Can you think of one game from Sunday you would willing watch again?

• The Lions are neat, but their opponents record are 10-20.

• Does anybody else believe that Eric Mangini is getting his karmic payback for ratting out his former boss? Or maybe he just blows.

HOW WE WILL REMEMBER USC
The fall of Troy has people giddy and while we don�t to spoil the party as the residents of Lilliput and Blefuscu, celebrate, let�s not be so quick to dismiss the Trojans just yet. Losing to Stanford is bad, but losing to Oregon � who could very well end up in the BCS title game � certainly isn�t. And realize that USC hasn�t lost by more than seven points since 2001. The Trojans will not win a national championship this year, that is true. But let�s not act like this is the end of the dynasty.

That being said, they could really use an upgrade at offensive coordinator. Maybe Al Davis will need to hire another coach this year.

• Much like the NFL, nobody seems concerned with what happened this weekend, instead choosing to focus on this week�s game of the century: Arizona State at Oregon. The Ducks will be done with the gauntlet part of the schedule after this week�s game. Of course, there�s still UCLA, looking to do just enough to save Karl Dorrell�s job.

• Thankfully, Kentucky can stop parading around as a national contender. Maybe they can pair up the Wildcats and Cal in a bowl game to see who can suffer the biggest flameout.

AND FINALLY
Alex Rodriguez is going to opt out of his contract and that will lead to speculation that he will end up in Anaheim. But there is a better fit for A-Rod and that�s San Diego.

The city of San Diego made a huge investment in the Padres by helping to make PetCo Park a reality. Now the Padres owe it to the fans and the city to make an investment into the team and bring A-Rod to San Diego.

Except, he�s going to back in New York.

Friday Night Lights: Sing it, Six!

Spoilers for the "Friday Night Lights" episode "Backfire" coming up just as soon as I work on my Spanish pronunciations...

"Backfire" was a definite "Do the ends justify the means?" kind of episode, as the producers appeared to shut down a number of storylines that weren't working, but in a far more abrupt manner than they could or should have.

I'm glad to have Coach back in Dillon and coaching the Panthers, for instance, but the dispatching of MacGregor felt much too easy. The previous three episodes (plus the disastrous game at the start of this one) had shown MacGregor to be such a stubborn tyrant that no one (except Smash) could possibly want him to stay, just as the TMU had been shown to be such a clearly bad fit for Eric that everyone could see he needed to leave it. Wouldn't it have been more interesting if one or both of those situations was reversed? What if MacGregor was a tinpot dictator but Eric was having the time of his life as a college coach? Or, what if Eric hated TMU and knew his family needed him but MacGregor hadn't made any obvious missteps with the Panthers? The scene at the end where MacGregor confronted Eric about what he and Buddy had done was well-acted by both Kyle Chandler and Chris Mulkey and had a moral complexity that the rest of this arc lacked, but that doesn't change the fact that MacGregor was a strawman bad guy.

(Also, how did Buddy go from being a drunken pariah a few episodes ago to having the political capital to pull off this coup d'etat? Even if the rest of the town felt uncomfortable with MacGregor, I'm sure Slammin' Sammy Meade wasn't the only one who resented the hell out of Eric for quitting after last season. It might have been interesting to watch Buddy build himself back up into the power broker he used to be, as we watched him sell the other committee members on the swap, but instead it got glossed over.)

Meanwhile, I'm sure many people are glad that Julie and Tami have stopped being at war with each other (I never minded this subplot, but that seemed to be a minority opinion), and yet the turnaround came awfully quick. Having Eric back in the fold certainly helped, as he convinced Tami to not ground Julie, which in turn made Julie slightly more willing to listen to Tami's story about losing her virginity (and also made a date with The Swede less an act of rebellion). But she's just now noticing that "Anton" is a no-account slob just floating through life after high school? It's not like she hadn't been to his dive of a house before. Some more superb acting from Connie Britton (albeit not up to The Talk from "I Think We Should Have Sex," where the virginity story was implied but not articulated), but there was definitely a feeling that the writers were in a hurry to wrap this one up.

I'd like to think that they've also wrapped up the dead rapist storyline, but I don't think that's what's happening. When the detective who interviewed Tyra talked about closing a case, he meant the attempted rape from last season, not the cause of this guy's death. I suppose this could go in a direction where the small-town Dillon sheriff's department decides not to waste resources looking into the death of some lowlife serial rapist, or that they assume he died from the fall into the river (barring a crossover with the people from "CSI: Dillon"), but there's been so much talk about Landry's watch and the impending grandfather visit that I don't think we're done with it yet. When Tyra talked to Landry about how they had no choice, how they had to stick to the path they were on, it felt unintentionally meta: once the writers chose this unfortunate storyline, they had to follow it through all the way.

On the plus side, one storyline I was dreading -- Street and Riggins road-tripping to Mexico for the shark surgery -- turned out to be the episode's highlight. I used to complain a lot about Taylor Kitsch in season one, but damn if he hasn't won me over. As the karaoke scene devolved from drunken fun into a very loud expression of pain from Street, you could see Riggins finally doing the math and realizing how bad this has the potential to become. In an episode where a lot of characters either shed tears or expressed deep feelings of remorse, the most powerful moment turned out to be Riggins begging Lyla to come help him talk Street out of this dangerous con game.

Now that Eric's back in town for good, I want to give the rest of the season a clean slate (murder storyline aside). Maybe all the narrative shortcuts of last night's episode will allow the show to go in a more promising direction from here. Glass half-full, I hope.

Some other thoughts on "Backfire":

• Loved Eric's confusion ("The what?") in response to Buddy's (no doubt rehearsed) "The eagle has landed" call.
• MacGregor's "I'll be seeing you again" threat implied another Voodoo arc where he winds up on a team that faces the Panthers in the playoffs. For the Texas high school football types, how realistic is that? Do teams often switch coaches in mid-season? And wouldn't the fanbase of the defending state champs be far more panicked at a loss in only the second game of the season?
• I wish the writers would treat Lyla's born again conversion as something other than a phase she's going through, and an excuse to meet new boys. The show usually does a superb job of portraying how faith helps govern these people's lives, but Lyla seems very much a poseur. If nothing else, she should have had an answer for Santiago the hunky delinquent's question about why God allows suffering. That's one that true believers get asked all the time, and they're supposed to have an answer.

What did everybody else think?

The Weak Ender

No, no, no. Sophia Bush is not going out with Tony Romo. Seriously, this madness needs to end. Romo is making this personal. Next thing you know, he's going to take a run at Alyssa Milano. (Who was awesome on My Name is Earl last night.)

You should at least have to win a Super Bowl to attract girls like this. This is what's wrong with the sports world today. We make stars out of LeBron James and others before they ever win a championship. Back in the day, stars were made on the big stage. Joe Namath, for instance, wasn't a great statistical quarterback, but proved it in Super Bowl III. If he doesn't win that game, he's just another goof in a fur coat on the sideline. But that doesn't happen now. Sign the right endorsement and you are a huge deal.

And if you recognize Sophia from One Tree Hill or John Tucker Must Die, you are a Perry. Because the rest of us remember Sophia from her memorable three episode arch on Nip/Tuck.

And if you refer to something as a three-episode arch, you are a huge Perry.

THE SAN DIEGO CHARGERS OF DALLAS
Please notify the NFL that there are available stadiums in Los Angeles. Seriously. If the Chargers are in need of a temporary home, the Rose Bowl, Coliseum or Home Depot Center would do well for a one-game fix. Yet, the NFL is pushing to have the game played in Dallas.

Why?

Raiders fans.

Having the Chargers play in Los Angeles would be a logistical nightmare. Because if the Chargers played here, then people would actually want to come to the game. The NFL gave out free tickets to the Chargers game when the team had to relocate to Tempe, Ariz. for a game because of wildfires in 2003. And they would probably do it again for a relocated game this year.

Could you imagine if the Chargers were giving out free tickets to a game in Los Angeles? Chargers fans from around Southern California would be joined by Raiders fans looking for freebie tickets. Because deep down, the Raiders fans would be more loyal to a free ticket than watching their team lose to Tennessee this week. The NFL doesn't want to deal with a riot, which is what happened when the free tickets ran out. The NFL had no choice.

The only question is, how come this game isn't going to be relocated to Houston? The NFL already has a history of giving teams an extra home game when a team is playing another faced with a tragedy. Oh that's right, there's no history of giving teams and extra home game -- just the Giants.

And we all know that if Manhattan was burning, the entire NFL schedule would be pushed back a week. But since it's San Diego, the NFL is going to expect the Chargers and Texans to dodge misplaced San Diego residents on the way to the end zone.

• We all know the Chargers are going to lose this game handedly right? When you are going to lose your house to a fire, there is no way you can concentrate on playing football. Yes, these guys make huge money, but we are talking about their neighborhoods going up in flames. The bummer is that this will give Norv a built-in excuse for the next couple of weeks.

• Did anybody else notice the misprint earlier this week when the Colts were actually getting seven points against the Panthers? Teams coming off a bye hosting a non-conference opponent are typically pretty good, but the Colts getting seven points would have been the easiest wager in the world. You could imagine that Jim Sorgi's mom spit out her vodka tonic when she saw that line and said, "Even that horse-faced Gomer could beat the Panthers with seven points." But sadly, retirement has been pushed back as the Colts are giving seven points. Still, the Colts are 1-6 against the spread as road favorites. If you follow that kind of stuff for entertainment purposes.
  

• Tom Brady was seen on South Beach after drubbing the Dolphins last week. Laugh it up, Tom. The Redskins defense is better than you think. The Colts or Patriots are going to lose this week. The Sports Gods don't like us enough to give us a match that we are all looking for. That just can't happen. The Patriots seem the most vulnerable this week. They always struggled against Jim Bates and his physical defenses when he was the coordinator in Miami. Plus Redskins defensive coordinator Gregg Williams has some history with the Pats, going back to his stint as coach of the Bills. You have to believe that Joe Gibbs has at least one more trick up his sleeve. They have been playing too coy this week. The Redskins would be a great pick if this game was played in Washington.
  

• Don't be surprised if the St. Louis Football Team actually squeaks out a win this week. There is something disconcerting about the Browns being in the hunt for a playoff berth. Plus, you have to figure that Derek Anderson is going to come back to Earth some time. Like the Rockies, the off week might have come at the wrong time.

• What's up with the NFL's marketing team? If the Premiere League wanted to showcase itself in the NFL, do you think they would send one of the worst franchises to play against a team led by Wayne Rooney's goofy brother? Hardly. And what's with the talk of holding a Super Bowl in England? What time would that kickoff be, like 11 p.m. local time? The arrogance of people who try to peddle soccer here and American football overseas. The NFL is never going to replace futbol, so why even try? Maybe you can save some cash and try to make your product better in the states. One of the worst teams in the NFL is leading the AFC West. There are enough problems to address here, without having to go overseas to try to drum up support.

• Having the Dolphins overseas can only make the NFL less popular, if that is even possible. If the NFL really wanted to make a bid for England, they should have sent the Raiders. Do you even need an explanation why?

• Which epic matchup do you want to watch more, the Bills/Jets or the Jaguars/Buccaneers. Maybe we are thinking about this the wrong way. Maybe more of these games should be sent overseas.

SATURDAY NIGHT'S ALL RIGHT
Conversely, college football is getting exciting. USC travels to Eugene to play Oregon, and Arizona State plays host to Cal. Nobody is giving the Sun Devils much of a chance in this game. Funny, did anybody see Cal lose consecutive games to Oregon State and UCLA? How can you not think that the Sun Devils will prevail in this one? Be honest, Dennis Erickson is a great college football coach. Who would you rather have running your squad right now, Erickson or Jeff Tedford?

Sure, A State is going to end up on probation soon enough, but right now they are the better team. The Trojans, however, are in some real trouble. If USC can stop Oregon's running game, they should win this game.

Some experts believe starting Mark Sanchez is a bad move. Namely Todd Blackledge. And anybody who followed his pro career knows that he knows what it's like to make a bad choice. Blackledge believes that a starter shouldn't lose his job to injury. Meaning, that Drew Bledsoe would still be the quarterback of the Patriots if Blackledge was coach. So forgive us if we really don't care what he has to say.

And note, this will be a tough week for Sanchez whose father is still fighting fires here in Southern California.

• Love the Friday night WAC games. Boise State and Fresno State this week. How does anybody not pull for any of these two programs. The WAC is entertaining football. Wish that Fresno State could get back into the national picture, though. But you really have to pull for Boise State here because you want the Broncos to have only one loss when they face Hawaii.

AND FINALLY
Instead of giving out free tacos for a steal, Taco Bell should have offered a taco for each time Jonny Paplebonner goes to the "Blue Steel" gaze when he's on the mound. No wonder nobody can hit off him. Ugh, the Rockies are in still in decent shape. Three consecutive wins in Colorado should help. They only have to win on in Fenway, might as well be game six. Besides, there would be nothing better than to see the Rockies -- of all teams -- celebrate on that field.

Hochuli Is Going to Sue Someone

Has anybody seen this new Subway commercial?



The commercial is kind of amusing -- though Southwest did basically the same thing years ago. But what Southwest didn't do is make fun of the greatest referee in the world, Eddie "Guns" Hochuli. Don't think so? Take a closer look at the commercial.

The referee is wearing Hoch's No. 85. The referee is over-explaining a call. But instead of Hochuli's trademark guns, this referee is super skinny.

Eddie G is going to be pissed. Not because this commercial is unfunny, but the fact that Eddie Guns never misses a call.

Never.

Expect an injunction any day now, or at the very least, a serious beat down of that jerk Jared. Hate that guy.

Comedy night done kinda right

Spoilers for "The Office" and "Scrubs" coming up just as soon as I wave to my girlfriend...

So "The Office" is back to 30-minute episodes and all should be okay with the world, right? Not so fast. I hope I can stop writing about the damn length issue soon, but they're making it awfully hard, first with those episodes that petered out a little more than halfway through, and now with a regular-size episode that was so busy and oddly paced that it felt like it had been planned as a one-hour and cut down at the last minute.

Unlike some previous episodes, the problem wasn't Michael acting out of character. His desire to prove his creative chops with the commercial made this a quintessential Michael Scott story. I just don't think the execution worked, in part because it kept bumping up against the Dwight and Andy subplot, and the semi-related stories about Dwight and then Jim getting too involved in Second Life. The commercial plot could have easily taken up the entire episode, which would have still given everybody something to do while expanding on the process of making the thing and the bumps along the way. Both of Daryl's songs were great, but I would have loved to see Daryl, Andy, Kevin and Creed (all of them with some kind of musical experience) butting heads over who'd get to lead that portion of the task, and the entire production felt rushed. Even the climax, in which we discovered that Michael had made a pretty good commercial, after all -- especially given the time constraints -- didn't get enough chance to breathe; the episode just kind of stopped. There was a chance to do an ending similar to Michael and Pam at the art show in "Business School," but there just wasn't enough time.

Which isn't to say that I've done an about-face and am now pining for the days of the hour-long episodes. I just feel that all the stuff with Dwight, Andy and Jim -- while offering up some nice moments like Dwight and Andy's joyous reaction to Angela screaming, "Oh, D!" or Pam realizing how much time was spent in crafting Philly Jim -- could have been cut (or moved to a different episode) to help make the A-story better.

I mostly said my fill on "Scrubs" in this morning's column. I still wish the writers could take a mulligan on the Kim pregnancy story, but at least I'm glad that the Elliot/J.D. cliffhanger didn't immediately turn into another installment of will-they-or-won't-they?, since we all know by now that they shouldn't. There were some funny bits -- I especially liked Kelso smelling Turk's egg-sweat, and Janitor explaining that his girlfriend Lady has "a brother named Him" -- but the show has done a lot of the other jokes before, and better (the list of J.D.'s exes, Dr. Beard-fah-say).

What did everybody else think?

The honkies shot me!

Spoilers for "My Name Is Earl" and "30 Rock" coming up just as soon as I compete in a page-off...

It's a good thing "My Name Is Earl" gets to air first, because on nights like this where another NBC comedy does the same joke -- in this case, extended breast-feeding -- most viewers get to see the "Earl" version first. Nothing in this episode was as funny -- or as strange -- as Randy's creative writing exercise last week, but there were the usual grace notes sprinkled throughout, like Earl admiring the science behind his conjugal date's new breasts, or Joy asking Darnell to explain JPGs and downloading to her. It's hard for me to look at Alyssa Milano, though, without thinking of all the poor MLB pitchers whose careers she's messed with by dating them. (Think what heights Carl Pavano could have achieved if Milano hadn't gotten her hands on him!)

"30 Rock" did probably its best episode of the season by playing to its biggest strength: Jack playing off of Liz ("Are you an immigrant?") and Tracy (the entire offensive African-American and Latino role-playing therapy bit, highlighted by Jack as Tracy's dad saying "chifforobe"). Tracy's butchering of the National Anthem couldn't quite live up to the Frank Drebin version from "The Naked Gun" (which has rendered me incapable of attending a ballgame without singing, "And the rockets red glare, bunch of bombs in the air..."), but the satire of the public reaction to Michael Vick (as opposed to athletes accused of raping or killing people) felt right on.

Carrie Fisher was also one of the better-incorporated guest stars, returning to the tried-and-true theme of Liz's devotion to her job at the expense of all else. (And they only felt compelled to make one "Star Wars" joke.) As someone who served as "SNL" head writer and no doubt had to hear a lot of whinging from baby boomers about how the show had sold out and wasn't cutting edge like it was in Chevy's day, Tina Fey obviously had some issues to work out, and I like that she and Liz seem to have made peace with selling out so long as you can be funny doing it. (Plus, as she returned to Jack for more mentoring, he delivered another brilliant bit of Donaghy advice: "Never go with a hippie to a second location.")

While watching the slightly revised opening credits (Liz, Jenna and Jack get new poses, while Tracy, Kenneth, Pete and Frank don't), I made a note that Pete and Frank had barely appeared so far this season, and for my comeuppance got the most Pete-heavy episode of the season. It's all relative, but at least he got to resolve the page subplot before it got too strange. (I'm trying to figure out how any show, even one about a supercomputer, could spin off "Cheers," "Miami Vice" and "Highway to Heaven.")

What did everybody else think?

Bionic Woman: Brilliant!

Credit where credit's due time: that was a pretty good episode of "Bionic Woman" last night. Spoilers coming up just as soon as I enjoy a hidden cookie...

While the series as a whole still has numerous problems, there was a five minute or so sequence -- Jamie at the party and then busting into the lab with running commentary from Nathan the tech guy -- last night that had me thinking, "If the show could be like this all the time, I'd really enjoy it." It was fun, it moved, and both Jamie and Nathan seemed like real people instead of grouchy plot devices.

Now, I don't know how much of the credit for that goes to the undercover device that let Michelle Ryan use her native accent for once. We all assume that all these Brit actors are so talented that they can just slip on our accent and deliver an amazing performance without breaking a sweat. But maintaining an accent is work, and not ever actor can multi-task as well as Hugh Laurie or Damian Lewis. The scenes where Jamie was pretending to be a Brit were the first time Michelle Ryan had the spark she showed off in "Jekyll," and you could tell the producers recognized it as well, with the "method actor" contrivance that had her continuing to speak British even when it was just her and Nathan on the phone. Frankly, I was hoping that the Jordan Bridges character either wouldn't find out she was an American or else would make some flirty request at the end for her to break out the other accent from time to time, because for once I wasn't whining about how much better Katee Sackhoff is.

And as Nathan, Kevin Rankin (aka Herc from "Friday Night Lights") is more entertaining than the rest of the supporting cast combined. Dump Isaiah, Molly Price, maybe even Miguel Ferrer (though somebody has to be the Exposition Boss), keep Will Yun Lee around only for those obligatory scenes where the special forces guys show up to provide Jamie with backup, and the show would be significantly improved.

Not sure I buy Bridges as a super-spy just yet (though, admittedly, he only slipped into that role near the end of the episode and will get to spend a lot of time in a tux next episode), but he and Ryan had good chemistry. Maybe that, as much as the accent, helped draw her out of that dull shell she'd been stuck in for the first batch of episodes.

There hasn't been a lot of new product this fall that has me excited, but this is the first episode of a disappointing rookie to make me glad I didn't bail after the pilot. One-time aberration, or sign of a future rise in quality?

Pushing Daisies: With arm wide open

A million new shows on Wednesday nights, but the only one holding my attention enough that I have to rush to blog about it is "Pushing Daisies." (Judging by the lack of comments to my last Wednesday round-up, I'm guessing I'm not the only one.) Spoilers for the latest episode coming up just as soon as I perform transplant surgery on a bird...

This episode wasn't as good as last week's -- the twee-to-funny ratio (perhaps epitomized by the relative screen time for the aunts vs. Emerson) favored the twee a little too much -- but this weird show just slaps a smile on my face for 40+ minutes a week (no commercials for this boy), and that's enough. Hell, it was worth it for Olive and Aunt Vivian's brief duet on They Might Be Giants' "Birdhouse in Your Soul." (Hey, unemployed "Viva Laughlin" producers: this is how you show someone singing in the car without seeming embarrassed about it.)

A couple of points to note. First, Warner Bros. is really holding the line on the budget right now, as the green screen effects in several scenes (particularly the one outside the Pie Hole when Olive first found the pigeon) looked like something out of the '70s. I hadn't realized just how much of the show was CGI-driven until that moment.

Second, I'm not sure how I feel about Chuck and Ned finding so many workarounds to their no-touching problem, especially this quickly. On the one hand, it would be dumb if they didn't try things like plastic wrap and, here, the beekeeper suits. But on the other, it's quickly taking away some of the poignant quality of their relationship. Those bee suits didn't look that heavy; essentially, all Ned needs to do is wear winter-weight clothing all the time and he and Chuck can hug, dance, etc., whenever they want. I know that's not the same thing as being able to have a real kiss, or make love, or even just feel each other's skin, but I felt more moved by the situation back in the pilot when they couldn't even hold hands, you know?

One other note: Dash Mihok, who played the escaped con, was one of the castmembers in the original "Cavemen" pilot and was essentially the only thing I liked about it. So, of course, he was fired. Glad to see he's moved (even for one episode) from one of this season's worst new shows to one of its best.

What did everybody else think?

A surgeon and a doc, abooooove it allllll...

Today's column previews the final season of "Scrubs":

"You go when you're supposed to go, and everything else is homicide!"

That's a line by Detective Meldrick Lewis from the great "Homicide: Life on the Street," and one I think about whenever I hear that a show I like is coming to an end. Are they going when they're supposed to, or is it a case of network homicide?

Much as I wish I could say NBC is unjustly slaying "Scrubs" by declaring in advance that the seventh season will be the comedy's last, it feels like it's time. Maybe even a little past time.

To read the full thing, click here. To read the accompanying list of 10 best episodes (and thanks for all the suggestions, folks!), click here. (Bonus reason for clicking through: YouTube links to stuff like Turk dancing and the "West Side Story" parody.)

America's Team

Is there anybody -- who has not transversed Dike Bridge -- who is rooting for the Red Sox to win the World Series? The Colorado Rockies have captured the hearts of America, even the most ardent baseball haters. The Red Sox have become the thing that they have hated the most -- the New York Yankees. Only with uglier female fans.

As much goodwill as the Diamondbacks, Marlins and Angels gave the world by vanquishing the Yankees, the Red Sox have undone by being even bigger idiots. At least when Yankees fans were boasting about their 26 titles, they could be proud of it. The team that the Yankees dominated baseball with in the 1990s had a roster that was home grown with guys like Jeter, Posada, and Rivera. They actually did it the right way.

Have you seen the Red Sox roster lately? Ortiz, Ramirez, Lowell, Schilling and Beckett -- all nabbed from struggling teams looking to save their payroll. The 1997 Marlins get a bad rap for being mercenaries, but they have nothing this collection of talent bought by Boston.

Nobody is giving the Rockies much of a chance because of the long break. Baseball being the only sport that seemingly punishes its teams for winning too fast. Don't let Detroit's debacle from last year's World Series fool you, because the Rockies can actually field a ball. Not only that, the Red Sox are going to have to play David Ortiz in the field for at least three games.

No the Rockies have a better than average chance. Colorado in five.

Reaper: If you want to destroy my sweater...

Very brief spoilers for "Reaper" coming up just as soon as I sign for a package...

Last week's episode was a marginal improvement, but now we're back to lame formula again. The soul again had no personality (did the guy even talk at any point?), Sam and Andi aren't interesting enough as a couple for me to want to watch him pine after her for years (as opposed to Jim and Pam on "The Office," say), and we're already at the point where every beat of the story (unsuccessful first encounter with the soul, vessel gets lost and/or damaged, etc.) comes with the same clockwork predictability that it took "Law & Order" the mothership five or six years to reach.

I want this show to be better, because the pilot was so hilarious and because Ray Wise is brilliant as Satan, but it's looking more and more like a poster child for the Great Pilot, Mediocre Series conundrum.

What did everybody else think?

Lil' Hater: Burning Down the House

They say I'm going to hell, but if these flames move any further down the hill, some fireman is going to be scooping my melted body up with a shovel. All in all, you'd have to say Great White's SoCal Tour really isn't going too well this week. Do you think that if Scott Weiland & the Velvet Revolver boys play that STP �burn, burn, burn your wicked garden down� song on Friday, fans in Irvine would cheer like idiots or be appalled?

Oh wait, they bought tickets to see Velvet Revolver, never mind.

You know what the source of all these fires is? Irate Southern Californians, from Malibu to Tijuana's Hat, rioting in anger over having to watch another deity-damned Giants game again on Sunday. And can you really blame them? They'd better not try showing us the Giants game against the 0-7 Dolphins, or the entire state will go up in flames. And I�m still waiting for an explanation why a game being played in the London �- the closest thing Europe has to New York �- counts as a home game for Miami.

Seriously, what�s the more impressive streak this year �- New England snot-kicking every team by at least 17 points every week, or a mediocre team from the East Coast getting all its games televised on the networks more than 3,000 miles away? (And do they show Chargers games in New York? No. You know why? Nobody moves from San Diego to New York. Even when the entire county is an inferno.)

If you assume 12-14 or so games a week (taking bye weeks into account), and that only five games are shown here every week (and that two of those have to be the Chargers and Raiders), statistically speaking there�s less than a 0.04 percent chance that the Giants should have been on every week. Maybe less. But you've been warned FOX and CBS, these fires in Southern California are on you.

House: I ain't sayin' she a gravedigger...

Spoilers for "House" coming up just as soon as I pretend that someone else was imitating me...

Awww, Scooter/Bosley! I'll miss you, you lovable old coot! Again, with the names of the final three actors already out there in the media ether (and let's keep being as vague as possible in the comments, for the benefit of people who don't read the trades), I figured Scooter wasn't long for the show, but I'm disappointed he went home before some of the real deadweight. (Spoiler alert -- and I'm only doing it because he clearly ain't getting the job -- I'm looking at you, guy pictured above who played Huff's crazy brother on "Huff.") I at least liked the rationale for dumping the old man, but since the show's going to be overpopulated anyway, why not let him stick around in the glorified administrative assistant job House promised him a few episodes ago?

I don't know if the medical mysteries have gotten more interesting of late, or if I'm just paying more attention because House's candidate search has breathed some new life into the show, but I really liked this ghost story. Not sure how Cutthroat Bitch convinced the patient that she was talking to last episode's dead guy, but beyond that, a lot of interesting twists and turns, and the moment where the woman had to say goodbye to the hallucination of her dead mama was as touching as intended. Cameron trying to give Big Love a leg up -- whether out of support for the most sensitive fellowship candidate or just a way for her to screw with house now that she's blonde and bold and all that -- was also fun.

(It occurs to me, by the way, that the candidate search is falling into the same writing/editing trap as the reality competition shows it's spoofing. Big Love and Bosley got by far the most screen time of the candidates -- though Cutthroat Bitch and Nickname-less Plastic Surgeon weren't ignored, either -- and so I figured one of those two would be let go.)

I'm a bit surprised that Foreman is coming back to rejoin House's team instead of starting his own. On the one hand, it spares the already too-busy show from having to shift to an ongoing A-story/B-story structure that might prove less amusing. On the other, if House is hiring three newbies and is forced to take Foreman back, and eventually -- or so we assume -- Cameron and Chase are going to come back into the fold, the ongoing team is going to be almost as big as the temporary team we had tonight. It's working right now because House is screwing with everybody and amusing himself in the process, but will he be able to play as many games when everyone's status becomes permanent?

What did everybody else think?

For the Scrubs fans...

... care to offer suggestions for best episodes ever list I'm doing to accompany my review of the season seven premiere? I have some definites in my head already ("My Old Lady," "My Lunch," "My Screwup," the one where Turk dances to "Poison," the one where JD asks The Janitor the riddle, among others) but there are some open spots on the list. So name your faves and make your case.

Heroes: She's electric!

Spoilers for "Heroes" coming up just as soon as I try to muster the enthusiasm to make a joke about something that happened in the episode...

Okay, someone want to tell me why I should still care? I had been assuming my level of ennui with this season was the result of so little forward plot movement, but here we had an episode with arguably more of it than the rest of the season combined -- Peter opens the magic box, Veronica Mars shows up and electrocutes the head Lucky Charmer, Parkman confronts his father (who actually was the Nightmare Man and not a red herring) and has a quintessential illusion-inspired fight with Nathan, Mohinder crosses paths with Nikki, Monica learns how to use her powers, etc., etc. -- and yet I was just as bored with this one as all the others. I've been procrastinating this blog entry for the last few hours (the "My So-Called Life" DVD set makes a handy tool for that) because I just couldn't muster the enthusiasm to write about it.

Besides the obvious narrative foot-dragging, here are the problems, as I see them:

• Flat characters. This was a problem in season one as well, but the stories were advancing so quickly and with so many surprises along the way that it didn't matter how two-dimensional almost everyone (even characters I enjoyed, like Hiro) were. The only regular character with any real complexity or nuance is HRG, who unsurprisingly is the one who's most watchable even when the stories are going nowhere. But now that we know this world, what everyone can do, etc., it becomes harder and harder to feel invested in a bunch of cardboard cut-outs who often have less personality than actual comic book superheroes.
• The big split. I and other people rode with some of the slower sections of season one because we were under the impression that, eventually, all these characters would come together and something interesting would happen. Instead, we got that dud of a finale where everybody stood around while Peter beat up Sylar with a parking meter, and when the new season began, the writers had split everybody up again. There's more interaction now than there was at this time last season (say, Parkman and Nathan teaming up to see his dad), but we're still stuck in a bunch of parallel narratives that move only slightly faster than your average daytime soap.
• Been there, read that. Back when this show began, I noted that Tim Kring wasn't a comic book fan, which could go one of two ways: 1)He would approach the concept of people with powers in an entirely fresh and interesting way, or 2)He would start recycling a bunch of comic book tropes without realizing it. It's been far more the latter than the former, though with people like Jeph Loeb on the staff, much of the recycling can't be written off as accidental. I don't even care that they're still ripping off Watchmen, or that Monica has the Taskmaster's powers, or whatever; there's only a limited number of new ideas out there, and I care more about something interesting being done with a concept than whether the concept has been done before. The problem is, they're not doing anything interesting. I've read that Parkman/Nathan fight scene a million times in X-Men and other comics, always playing out exactly that way. Maybe it seemed cool to the non comics-reading audience, but how big a portion of the audience is that?

Halfway through watching the episode on my DVR, I started looking forward to the "Journeyman" episode I planned to get to afterwards, then spent most of the rest of the episode waiting to see if Claire might appear to keep Hayden's consecutive episodes streak intact. (She didn't, which means either Jack Coleman's the only one left, or that nobody's been in every episode.) If the show was more engaging right now, neither of those thoughts would have entered my head for more than a second or two.

Am I being a tough grader here? "Heroes" consistently gets more comments than any other show I blog about these days, but in skimming the last few entries, it seems like most of the comments are arguments about why the show's lame, rather than whether it's lame. I'm not checking out yet, but I'm wondering if anyone else is thinking about it.

Chuck: Sizzling siblings

Spoilers for "Chuck" coming up just as soon as I make a stakeout mix CD...

Thus far, the reaction to Morgan seems to have a range of "Gah, I can't stand him!" to "He's funny, but only in small doses," so the prospect of us having to spend An Evening Of Morgan along with Chuck, Sarah and Ellie wasn't that exciting. But you know what? It kind of worked, mainly because there was an effort to humanize him, to make him more than just the pathetic comic relief. He bonded with Ellie (the surrogate for the "Gah, can't stand him!" segment of the audience) and showed that sometimes he's a lousy salesman not because he's incompetent, but because he's too kind-hearted. By the end, I'd say my opinion of the guy was roughly on par with Ellie's: I still wouldn't want to spend a whole lot of time hanging out with him, but he seems like good people. I actually felt bad for him when the Nerd Herders deployed The Wounded Raccoon at the exact wrong moment (though I was also laughing at the time).

The spy story had some interesting touches, chief among them Chuck both screwing up royally and then saving the day (with the help of the fireworks that seemed like a throwaway joke earlier in the episode). It's going to get old eventually if Chuck is told on every mission to wait in the car and then disobeys that order, but it was worth it here for the fight scene with the freeze frames: the three spies each got a freeze frame when they were throwing an impressive punch or kick, while Chuck got one while stopping a really old man from getting away in his wheelchair. If you don't have the time/budget to do elaborately choreographed fights, might as well find a way to make them funny, and that was.

I also like how, once again, we're exploring some of the real emotional ramifications of Chuck's new life, this time in how it affects his relationship with Ellie. When I watched the pilot, I worried that Ellie would quickly become deadweight in the same way that Francie and Will Tippin did on "Alias" (until Francie got killed and replaced and Will went to work for the CIA), but that hasn't happened yet. Sibling relationships are something that most TV seem ambivalent about, because there can't (or shouldn't) be any sexual tension, but seeing Chuck struggle to be a good brother -- and learning how he and Ellie were effectively orphaned years ago -- makes me like him more and more.

Oh, and Chuck sang along to "Private Eyes." Since the Captain was absent this week (no doubt for budget reasons, same as Harry Tang), let me just say that that was awesome.

What did everybody else think?

HIMYM: Meet cute or meet crazy?

Spoilers for "How I Met Your Mother" coming up just as soon as I eat a sandwich...

Whew. Crisis averted, at least for one night. Because that? That was the "HIMYM" I know and love. A plot with all five characters just hanging out at the bar and telling jokes at each other's expense, multiple flashbacks (often to the same event), Future Ted finding creative ways to work around parts of the story he doesn't remember (Blah-Blah) or can't tell the kids (eating sandwiches), another Barney theory on dating (complete with visual aid this time) being proved correct and an extended appearance by Ted's Jewfro. (Though it's not actually supposed to be a Jewfro, as Ted's a gentile.) Hell, even the flashforward to Combover Marshall and Nancy Reagan Lily, which was so depressing the last time (save the "NYC Lawyer Captures Nessie" headline in the background) was upbeat and funny this time.

So it's clear Bays and Thomas still remember how to do it right; they've just been going too far in focusing on the new Ted and Robin status quo. Hopefully, this one wasn't an aberration but the start of a resurgence.

What did everybody else think?

Who Blows More?

The 2007 season hasn't reached the halfway point yet, and already the season is a smashing success. Namely because the St. Louis Football Team and Oakland Raiders both suck. And they are not going to get any better -- at least not for the conceivable future. The main reason is the quarterback position. Both teams are lead by quarterbacks who could use another season of NFL Europe. If that league still existed, of course. So the question on everybody's mind is, who blows more, Daunte Culpepper or Marc Bulger?

• The case for Culpepper: Everybody proclaimed that the old Daunte Culpepper was back when he accounted for five touchdowns against the Miami Dolphins. But two things that those myopians never considered -- Randy Moss no longer plays for the Raiders. And the Dolphins are the worst team in the National Football League. The old Culpepper just heaved balls into the air and let Moss come down with the football. Pretty much what Tom Brady is doing right now. And while all of the media wonders if the Patriots can match the 1972 Dolphins, the current edition of the team looks to challenge the 1976 Tampa Bay Buccaneers in terms of futility. Remember, there was a reason why the Raiders wanted to start Josh McCown while he was riding in wheelchair. When Josh McCown is considered a better alternative, you really, really must blow. A-hole.

• The case for Bulger: The St. Louis apologists will likely point out that Marc Bulger lost his best lineman and running back-- Pro Bowlers Orlando Pace and Steven Jackson -- and has played with bruised ribs behind a makeshift offensive line. And it's true. In fact, Bulger is the only quarterback in the NFL who has been injured this season. And the St. Louis football team is the only team that has suffered injuries to its offensive line. Nobody else has to face a crisis like this. Oh wait, every team has injuries. The Ravens have injuries and they are still winning. No put this one on Bulger who is leaning on the injury card like a partisan politician points the finger. There is no coincidence that Bulger has limped through a season after signing that huge extension. Even Shaun Alexander thinks you should earn your money. Jerk.

Who blows more?
	Daunte Culpepper
	Marc Bulger
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