The Weak Ender: Now With More Monaco

You know how I know you�re gay? You break into Kelly Monaco�s room at Planet Hollywood and all you do is steal stuff.

But how does this guy get all of the way to the Penthouse level and not get stopped by anybody? And is possible to lead me to that room?

Honestly, you can't even get into the upper floors of the Imperial Palace without getting stopped by security, and this schmuck goes all the way to the penthouse suite. So you're saying there's a chance?

Man, she�s lucky is wasn�t O.J. Simpson looking for some of his old memorabilia. That could have turned disastrous.

Monaco, as you may know, is doing a burlesque production called Peep Show co-starring Heather B. Mel B. (sorry) of the Spice Girls. There has been whispers that Lindsay Lohan could be doing the show. That�s not bad. Also rumored to be starring soon � Elizabeth Berkley. That has to happen. Life imitating art and everything.

Hey, these stories find me, let�s talk some football.

Some of you might be worried that Brett Favre has announced that he is not considering coming out of retirement. At this time. Yep, that little phrase should have you all worried that Favre watch could come back at any time now.

But don�t be too concerned.

Favre is not coming back. At least not in a traditional sense. Favre isn�t going to do any minicamp or even training camp stuff. But he could still come back as an injury replacement.

You saw what happened last year when Tom Brady went down with a season-ending injury. Not that the Patriots were the kind of team that would sign Favre, but another team could be put into a similar situation. When you look at some of the backup quarterbacks in the league, Favre doesn�t look like a horrible option. There could be an instance where a top NFL quarterback on a playoff team could be lost for the season and Favre rides in on his white horse.

Favre was good during the opening weeks of the 2008 season and could provide a nice boost for a team during a late-season run. He could trick his body into thinking it�s still the regular season when the playoffs start.

Either that could happen, or some bat-crap crazy owner could make an offer for Favre. Not the Raiders, they have JaMarcus Russell and Jeff Garcia. Not the Cowboys, who traded for Jon Kitna to backup Tony Romo.

Favre could end up with the Redskins. The team has soured on Jason Campbell and probably aren�t ready to turn it over to the Colt Brennan Small Engine (he�s not quite a machine yet). If Favre plays this year, it will be for the Redskins.

TEIXEIRA SAYS NO HARD FEELINGS
The feeling is not mutual.

Nothing better than seeing Mark Teixeira grounding into a double play in the seventh inning of Thursday night�s Angels vs. Yankees game. Nice ballpark, Yankees. When Johnny Damon one-arms home runs you know that you are playing in a minor league ballpark. BTW Damon, nice arm. The Angels had no problem taking extra bases on you. Damon was nearly standing on the infield dirt and he didn�t even try to get Aybar out in the early innings.

Teixeira is already starting to get booed. Wow, if it wasn�t for that stupid launching pad his numbers would be even worse � if you could imagine that. Strikeout with the bases loaded in the eighth for Teixeira. His average is now .200.

And for the record, Teixeira confirms that it was his wife that drove the wedge between he and the Angels.

AND FINALLY
For as badly as the Angels play against the Red Sox, the Rays absolutely own the B's. Tampa Bay defeated Boston 13-0 on Thursday night. Have to live vicariously through Joe Maddon now.