The Weak Ender: Nice Try, Rachel Uchitel

Renowned Tiger Woods whore mistress Rachel Uchitel is trying to garner sympathy for being a home wrecker blaming 9/11 for putting her down the road to ruin (this is all coming out during her taping of Celebrity Rehab). But if that is the case, why did she fly a plane into Elin Nordegren's marriage?

Uchitel was so distraught by losing her finance in 9/11 that she had to hijack somebody else's marriage? Some how I am not following.

Now, this is not relieve Tiger of any of the blame, surely he deserves as much. But Rachel has no excuse for sleeping with another man's husband. Especially if she was one of 19 high-jackers, errr, home wreckers.

Because she is like the Mohammed Atta of mistresses.

Uchitel rolled up with a set of box cutters, highjacked Tiger's male member, and flew it into her twin lady parts. Blowing up Tiger's marriage.

Why should I feel sorry for her? She also helped ruin the marriage of that guy from Bones.

I have lost people in my life, but I never once thought, hey, I should go ruin somebody's marriage now. That is what awful people do. I just don't get it.

Although, if she really wants to break up a marriage, how about sleeping with Lane Kiffin? What an a-hole Kiffin is. Can you believe his halftime interview during the Hawaii game?

Normally I applaud coaches who speak their mind, but he was so dismissive of the Hawaii program. Hey Lane, the only reason -- and I mean the only reason -- you have the job you have now if because your dad is so awesome. Your dad pulled all of these strings to get you to your spot. And you want to look down your nose at another program?

That coaching staff with Monte Kiffin and the rest is way too good to let USC fail. So if Uchitel could bring her lady parts of death to the Kiffin household, that would be wonderful.

And then after she's done there, she could go down to Arizona and shack up with Matt Leinart. Not that Leinart needs any help with his unraveling career. But it would just be nice to see Leinart with a woman who is at least of age.

And bonus, too, Matt because Rachel is going through sober living, you will never be caught holding a beer bong for her. Because that would be pretty cool.

Speaking of terrorists, how come Al Queda has never got a suicide bomber to run through that Jersey Shore house? Listen, Al Queda will never win me over to its side, but I might pick up the Koran if it pulled that off. Just saying.

And Finally ...

College football should retire No. 42 in honor of Pat Tillman.

That was quite some transition, right?

But the NFL has pretty much distanced themselves from Tillman, so it would be nice for college football to take a stand and retire Tillman's number. I know if I was as college coach, I would take No. 42 out of circulation as a gesture towards Tillman and what I would hope that my young men would become.