BCS Declares LSU Champs

A spokesman for the Bowl Championship Series presented LSU coach Two-Loss Miles the BCS coaches trophy on Sunday afternoon.

"Winning or losing does not matter. What does matter is who we think is the best team in the country, and that's LSU," said BCS PR rep Brian Gooberson. "We are giving both Ohio State and LSU the option on if they want to play. I hope they do, because it would be fun to see. But the outcome will have no bearing on the championship at all."

Miles gladly claimed the trophy and said, "Hey, we earned it. Well, not really, but I'll still take it. This will allow me to get more money from Michigan."

Jerks. All kidding aside, everyone says LSU should be in the championship game on the basis of their tough schedule. Um, has anyone actually looked at their schedule this year?

It sucked ass.

Its five road games (one less road game than most of the other deserving BCS teams this year) included joke games against a still underwater Tulane, a 6-6 Alabama team, and two schools from Mississippi that may or may not exist. Their hardest road game was No. 17 Kentucky.

They lost that one.

Their biggest home win was Virginia Tech, in Week 2, when half of the Hokies team was still under suspicion of mass murder. Since when in college football does a win in Sept. 8 entitle you a free pass to the title game?

LSU didn�t beat any team ranked higher than No. 9. And the two times they were handed the No. 1 spot for no good reason, and all the country�s attention was on them, they immediately choked it away. Yeah, that's a great resume.

Though to give LSU some credit, their schedule wasn�t as soft as Ohio State �s, whose biggest win was against the No. 23 team. Jesus, they might as well put the championship game on the NFL Network - no one is going to watch that snoozer.

(And Georgia, with four whole road games this year, has no business playing for the championship, either. Appalachian State would be favored against you.)

Hawaii, which ran the table, has an offense that�s puts up points, and actually showed some cojones by coming back and winning all their pressure-filled games at the end of the season, has a better resume than all these clown teams.

Oh yeah. Another school on the West Coast played six road games, including four against ranked teams, and two teams in the top seven. One of their losses came on the road against the country's then No. 5 team, when their starting QB was out injured.

They ended the season strong, won the hardest conference in the country, and two weeks ago snot-kicked the No. 7 team - on the road - by 20 points. They�d be favored by a touchdown over any other team in the BCS.

What�s that team again? I forget.