The Weak Ender

There is a pregnant tennis player, but rest assured faithless readers, it�s not one of the hotties. Lindsey Davenport pulled out of the WTA tour. Davenport said that the pregnancy was a surprise, which seems odd because what else was she using that turkey baster for?

Kordell Stewart is going to be wanted for a paternity test soon.

But the big news � sorry NFL Week 16 � is the stuff going on with Mark Teixeira. ESPN columnist/part time Red Sox GM Peter Gammons had Teixeira signed with the Red Sox already. In fact, Gammons was hosting Scott Boras and the Red Sox brass at his home in Texas. (Alright, that might be a fib.) Why is the Boston media so hyper to have Teixeira in a Red Sox uniform? Don�t they have enough white guys for Dan Shaughnessy to root for?

However, being pushed to the brink with this Teixeira stuff, one thing is perfectly clear. The Angels would be better off with Manny Ramirez. For real. If given a choice between Teixeira and Ramirez, I�d take Manny every time.

In the words of The Bish � think about it.

The Angels already tried Teixeira last year and he hit .500 in the postseason with no extra base hits. Kendry Morales had more extra base hits in that series � he hit one. Time to move on.

What about Manny�s attitude? If Manny wants to act like an a-hole when the team is playing Cleveland, Kansas City or Chicago, so be it. Just show up to beat the Yankees and � more importantly � the Red Sox. Then we�re cool. In fact, we can work out a contract that will make Ramirez only available for those series. And against Seattle. Then, do whatever you want.

The time has come for the Angels to sell their souls and embrace Manny. In the meantime, let Teixeira sign a long-term deal with the Nationals, lose a bunch of games and allow his c-bomb wife to live on her precious East Coast.

• The Cowboys are playing their final regular-season game in Texas Stadium. You can talk about the mystique of that place all that you want. But they lost all of it when they allowed Terrell Owens to wear the home uniform. You could have always hated the Cowboys for their goody-goody image or that stand-up-set thing that their offensive linemen did during the 1970s. But when they signed T.O., the guy who mocked them in their own house, that was too low.

• And yes, there are some parallels of the Angels embracing Manny, but not quite. Manny was won a pair of titles. T.O., not so much.

• Punch yourself in the face if you want to see: The Battle of Ohio. Honestly, good luck even finding fantasy value in that one. Even Sam Wyche himself wouldn't even lower himself to watch that one. Other games on this list include: 49ers at St. Louis FC and maybe the Monday night game. Honestly, a late-season Packers vs. Bears game that just isn't interesting. You have to go back to Lynn Dickey to remember the last time that happened.

• Upset special of the week: The Lions will break through. They've been too close. The Saints can't win on the road and have given up on the season. This means too much to the Lions. And Lee Roy Selmon.

• The Birds could convince a lot of people that they are legitimate if they could win at New England. But the people they need to prove it to the most is the Birds, themselves.

• The Steelers and Titans is not an AFC Championship Game preview because one of those teams are going to lose in the playoffs. Book it.

• Would you rather see the Lions go 0-16 or the Chargers to find a way to win the AFC West at 8-8? Winning the division with eight games isn't as cool as a below .500 division winner, but it would be cool. If the Birds play their cards right, they also could be looking at an 8-8 championship. Imagine that, an 8-8 team clinching the playoffs with six weeks to play. Or so it seemed.

• The Bills beating Denver seems more plausible than the Chargers winning at Tampa Bay.

• THN jinxed Raven last week. Our new pick to click in the AFC -- the Miami Dolphins. From 1-15 to the Super Bowl.

• Quick, best Alan Rickman movie.

• How shaky is Eli's confidence this year? The Messiah was sacked eight times last week, and now the Panthers are coming to town. Now, it seems that a lot of Giants fans like to make excuses about protection or Brandon Jacobs being hurt. (You did Plaxico Burress yourselves, so you can't use that one.) Hopefully Jacobs will return so that our point that a.) Eli blows and 2.) Plaxico made the Messiah can be played out on a national stage. Eli has never looked like the kind of guy who enjoyed playing football, rather going through the motions like John Moxon in Varsity Blues. Maybe the question is, will Eli even bother showing up this week?

AND FINALLY
There is a video floating around of some dude on the Price is Right nailing the exact score. Something that hasn't happened since the early 1970s. If you see the video, Drew Carey is so nonchalant about the whole thing. You can see the video here.



First off, how did that first chick come so damn close? And second, why is Carey deadpanning the whole thing? Will Leitch (the real one) has a theory on it being a retape which is the only explanation. Maybe there was too much cussing going on. Because really, if you nailed the price of the Showcase showdown, you are going to cuss, right? There has to be no other way. And really, if you came within $500 of the total wouldn't you kick over the set or something. I imagine that chick probably tried to beat the hell out of Carey.

That's the only reasonable explanation because this was some of the worst acting since, well, the Drew Carey Show. Even then, he couldn't keep a straight face. (And his whole, "This hasn't happened since ..." came way too quickly.) This is a fake, right?