The Weak Ender: Before They Were Stars

I stumbled across one of those �soft-core� movies over the weekend and say, what I thought was a young Tera Patrick possibly making her skintastic debut. Of course, I had to watch the whole movie to see the credits. (Though the better half pointed out that I could have easily hit the �guide� button to see the cast. But where is the fun in that?)

I was startled to see that it was a young woman named Tera Hopkins (and a quick IMDB search shows that she was often credited under that name), in the early years of her career. I have to liken this find as being akin to catching Ken Griffey Jr. playing for the San Bernardino Spirit in 1989. One of those once-in-a-life-time occurrences that you can brag to your grandchildren about.

Of course, Tera Patrick and Ken Griffey Jr. are still active in their respective industries � barely � both a shadow of their former selves. Obviously the years of abuse have taken a toll on the respect bodies parts needed to play a position.

THERE SEEMS to be no shortage of opinions on embattled Raiders QB JaMarcus Russell. Most of those opinions are not favorable. Even when coming from his coach, Tom Cable.

Former Redskins QB Joe Theismann, however, took the Russell criticism to a level that would even make American Idol judge and noted sourpuss Simon Cowell blush. Theismann, while appearing on "Moving the Chains on Sirius NFL Radio" with hosts Tim Ryan and Pat Kirwan, said that the Raiders should make a deal for Jason Campbell.

Not necessarily because Campbell is so good, but because Russell is so bad.

"If I was the Oakland Raiders, I would be on the phone with (Redskins GM) Bruce Allen and see what kind of deal we could make for Jason Campbell," Theismann said. "Because I can tell you conclusively that JaMarcus Russell will never be able to play quarterback in the National Football League.

"He's 290 pounds. At 265 he's too big. He's inaccurate and he's too big. And he doesn't thrown the ball well.

"JaMarcus just doesn't get it. And to think that you take a strong-armed guy and you put him in Oakland and say that it's the old Oakland Raiders. Jason Campbell can do everything for you."

Wow, even a hug from Paula Abdul will not help you overcome a tongue-lashing like that.

FROM THE Oh No He Didn�t Department: Donovan McNabb�s dad compared his son to Jesus. "Absolutely, it meant something. We were celebrating Jesus' resurrection, right? Then we turn around and Donovan gets resurrected. Just perfect."

I wish I had something for you, I really do. But I�ve got nothing.

ARE THE feds going to be talking to Alex Rodriguez soon? Is there a way that the Yankees would have to forfeit the title seeing that A-Rod was likely cheating? And why was nobody listening when THN said thatRodriguez had gone Lattimer from the Program?

There is no shame for Rodriguez having to resort to cheating again. Listen, you could not handle the clutch. There is no crime there. A lot of people could not hack it, either. Of course, most people do not have A-Rod�s talent. But still. Baseball fans should not think poorly on Alex Rodriguez because he sucks in the clutch. Because really, when you consider all of the performance-enhancing drugs that he had to take, combined with a redesigned ballpark that would give him a lot of wind-aided home runs, the Yankees did not have to sacrifice that much to win another championship.

And really Joe Girardi? Switching to No. 28 to signify going for that 28th championship? Pretty hokey. Kind of funny if you are a small-market team going for these kind of goals.

WILL THE Angels ever admit that it's Mickey Hatcher's fault? Same crap, different years, different players. This is unbelievable.

AND FINALLY �
This was saved for the end so Diane�s head would not completely explode until the very last moment. Enjoy. For good measure, she somewhat gets a shot in at Erin Andrews which I found hilarious.