Showing posts with label don't cry eli. Show all posts
Showing posts with label don't cry eli. Show all posts

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Eli Admits: I Suck Without Plaxico

The New York media pressed Eli Messiah today and asked him if he would welcome Plaxico Burress back to the team. But the question is leading. Like if you would ask any dude if he would welcome a back rub from Kelly Monaco.

Which, incidentally, Eli declined.

The point is, what do you expect Eli to say in that situation? Hey Eli, do you want to go back to winning and not sucking, or would you rather continue to be exposed as a bad quarterback? The answer is pretty simple.

What is amusing is that everybody is just figuring out right now that Eli is nothing without Burress. The media is standing there with that befuddled look, similar to the look Terry Benedict had once he realized how Ocean's 11 ripped off his casino. Did the field say Super Bowl XLII? It was staged. It was a tape. I want you to find out how they hacked into my system and made me believe that Eli was a good quarterback!

Honestly people, am I the only one who watches football? At least the only one watching football without Archie Manning's rose-colored glasses. Eli's success was obviously tied to Burress.

But instead of being pissed, maybe it's time to rejoice now that you have all finally come to that conclusion.

Still, the Giants are a class organization. Sure, the owner's daughter participated in a threesome on Nip/Tuck, but other than that, pure class. So you almost feel that the Giants will be willing to let Eli continue to suck, while holding on to their principles and letting Burress rot.

Monday, October 13, 2008

The Messiah Returns

The Eli Messiah we all know and hate returned to the NFL. After nearly a year of looking like a credible NFL quarterback, the old Eli returned. Throwing interceptions, getting run over by defensive backs. And pretty much, just being the sniveling twerp that we all grew to despise. Hopefully this is the start of something special for the Messiah, where he goes from Super Bowl champion, back to his rightful spot as the worst starting quarterback in the National Football League.

So buck up all of you NFL teams using backup quarterbacks because life could be worse. You could have Eli as your starter.