Congratulations Angels

Once again Bill Stoneman has failed to improve the club at the trading deadline, meaning the Angels are doomed for another post-season flameout. Sure, Stoneman tried to get something done. Just like Adam Kennedy tries everyday. But general managers, like players, are measured in results and the results show that Stoneman did not produce.

The Angels have suddenly become the Atlanta Braves of the American League. Great pitching, one stud in the lineup and absolutely no chance to win the World Series. Maybe Angels fans shouldn�t complain, though. It is a marked improvement over the 1990s when the team was miserable. It is just disappointing to see a guy like Vladimir Guerrero wasting the prime of his career with a guy like Maicer Izturis protecting him in the lineup.

Owner Arte Moreno has said that he wants to be the AL West version of the Yankees. The Yankees go out and fill a need without having to give up Phil Hughes. The Angels can�t even pry Ramirez from the Cubs.

The Angels sure are the Yankees, only it�s the Don Mattingly version of the Yankees.

The Post Mortem

There is a certain responsibility in sitting in the front row of a baseball game. Above anything else, you must be an asset to the home team. A proverbial tenth player.

Ben Affleck is not one of these guys.

Angels first baseman Howie Kendrick went into the stands on Sunday night to rob Alex Gonzalez of a hit�despite making contact with super fan, Affleck. The star of Mallrats was sitting in the front row and made a cardinal mistake of allowing Kendrick to reach into the seating area to make the catch. You can't do that. Once a player reaches into the crowd, they are fair game. You can do nearly anything you want to prevent the player from making the catch. Affleck did nothing as he was more preoccupied with making the catch.

And here Red Sox fans are supposed to be more sophisticated than the rest.

Affleck should have grabbed Kendrick's glove or done anything to prevent the catch from being made (while not leaning into the field of play). Only Curt Schilling prevented Affleck from being the biggest dope of the evening.

• Weaver Fever: Rookie phenomena Jered Weaver left Saturday's game inline for the victory, but was felled by the Angels typically reliable Scot Shields. Still, Weaver was more impressive eluding jams than he has been beating the Royals and Indians.
  
• It�s amazing the Angels were able to win on Sunday despite, at times, looking like a bumbling high school team. John Lackey's misplay in the first inning, and Chone Figgins running blunder were a few of the lowlights. But it was the smug Schilling serving up beach balls that bailed the Angels out. Pray for those on the Red Sox message boards who will face Schillings' lashing out today.

• It�s always cringe-worthy when a commentator labels Lackey as the "Bulldog." Seriously, like you couldn't think of another nickname? But it's pretty cool when Orel Hershiser does it. And thank god for Mike Scioscia's former battery mate for keeping John Miller�s Red Sox crush to a minimum. Hey, maybe smug Schilling wasn't just missing his spots, maybe the Angels were just cranking the guy. It happens some times.
  
• Having Bonnie Berstein on the broadcast doesn't hurt, either.
  
• Red Sox third baseman Mike Lowell is a little too clean cut for the Red Sox. He needs to grow out a beard or something. Or get traded to the Padres. Oh, and nice temper tantrum after striking out last night. Lowell tried to pretend he was hit by a pitch and then he lashed out at the umpire. You can see the footage here.

AND FINALLY
Anybody notice the temper tantrum that Danika Patrick had on Sunday? Well, it wasn't so much a temper tantrum than her pouting like a junior high girl who lost her Hello Kitty notebook. Seriously, can you butch up a touch?

Deadwood: Brave, courageous and bold?

Thoughts on Wyatt Earp, Steve getting karmic justice from the General's horse, the first performance at the Chez Ami theater, Johnny and Merrick coming into their own, and all things "Deadwood," all after the jump...

Ever since Milch told me during production of season one about the (possibly apocryphal) story of Earp and Bullock's confrontation, I've been waiting for the not-yet-legendary lawman to ride into town. And yet the longer I waited, the less appropriate the story seemed. While the legendary Gunfight at the O.K. Corral is still a few years in this Earp's future, the show laid the myth of the Old West to rest along with Wild Bill. The days when the camp's problems could be solved by Bullock slapping leather are a long time gone, as Milch has repeatedly made the point that in civilized society (which Deadwood is in the process of joining), disputes are settled more often with words than guns. But between the arrival of the Earp brothers and Hearst's goon army -- all of them bearing torches, during a season when characters have made repeated mention of the camp burning down -- I'm damn curious to see how this gets resolved without a little bit of old-fashioned gunplay.

As Matt says in his take, Gale Harrold seemed a bit too laid-back as Earp, though he was still much more interesting here than he is in the pilot for "Vanished." Still, it was interesting to see the various citizens of the camp play their respective roles in response to the arrival of this new "hero," whether it was Farnum desperately trying to remind people that he's still the mayor, Al casually poking holes in Earp's story, Cy practically drooling while trying to recruit Earp to his side, Johnny stepping up to challenge Morgan (since Dan fought the Captain, Johnny's seemed a lot tougher, no?), and, of course, Bullock clenching his jaw and getting pissed at the newbies.

Matt, who's been a bigger fan of the theater company scenes than I am, wrote that one of this episode's themes (if not this season's) was "Life itself as a drama populated by real people playing themselves -- actors making up lines and trying to fool people into believing their fa�ade and granting their wish, whatever that might be." In addition to the ones I mentioned above, there was also Merrick continuing to do an impression of a brave man -- to the point where even he's starting to believe it a little -- and Joanie as do-gooder guardian of children, among others.

While Langrishe's con job on Hearst (is he the West's first chiropracter?) was hysterical, this was also the first time I really got into the rest of the company, especially in that scene where Jack sat there with his old friend, setting the stage for his very dramatic death, followed by the other actors emerging from the shadows to take care of the body. Really lovely stuff.

And then there's Steve. Once, he screwed a horse, and now a horse has screwed him something fierce. Milch is fond of having characters deliver monologues to people and things that can't understand them (Al to his severed head, Leon to the puddle), and Steve's pathetic rant to the horse about his hope that the General would stay to keep him company was right up there. As my friend Phil said, Steve getting horse-kicked doesn't make up for the non-sensical suicide of Hostetler, but it at least gave one of the show's more ridiculous characters a poignant end.

Are we supposed to read Jane and Joanie's awkward parting from the rooming house as Jane having morning-after regrets about whatever they did together, or simply her disgust at listening to the landlord's homophobic rant? In the real Deadwood, Jane apparently became a famous whore for a while. I have a hard time reconciling Robin Weigert's performance with the idea of Jane tempting men, but her friendship and/or relationship with Joanie could be sending her down that road -- if there was a fourth season, dammit.

God, I love this show. We have, what, four hours left? Sigh...

Entourage: Does it matter if it's black & white?

I'll get to "Deadwood" later this morning, after I've had some time to chew on it during my commute, but "Entourage" never requires much deep thought, which I suppose is a virtue. Another good one, as Ari's scrambling combine with Vince's continued knack for self-destruction, with a side serving of Lloyd's zit and Drama's temper. (Is Drama the Seth Bullock of "Entourage," or is Bullock the Johnny Drama of "Deadwood"? Or are they both just pale Ryan Atwood clones?)

Good to see both Walsh and Barbara Miller again, though am I the only one who thinks that "Queens Boulevard," colorized or not, seems like a pretentious piece of crap? I know Doug Ellin thinks that Vince is a gifted actor and that his movies are good, and so long as we don't see too much of his work (the one "Aquaman" scene didn't require Adrian Grenier to do anything but run and strip), I'm okay buying that. But when the plot hangs on Vince potentially throwing his career away to stand up for a movie that I refuse to believe is anything but warmed-over Scorsese, I have more trouble. Still, the rest of the episode was funny enough (did I mention Lloyd's zit? or Ari's joke about same?) that I'll let it slide for the moment.

What did everybody else think?

Siege of New Orleans Over

Reggie Bush signs contract.

Wait a minute; does this mean that Bush�s threat of missing the entire season (or retirement according to one source) was nothing more than a negotiating ploy? Why, how could they do something like that? Threatening to hold out for the entire year and then settling just a few days later.

Actually, this is evidence why it is impossible to read newspapers or listen to sports talk radio around the start of training camps. Both columnist and talking heads fell all over themselves thinking that Bush might miss the season, while anybody with any rationality knew that Bush was going to sign. Which explains why Vic the Brick was certain that Reggie was going to skip the entire 2006 NFL season.

But the news isn�t all good. Negotiations between Matt Leinart and the Birds have stalled, meaning that the other former Heisman winner will not be at the start of training camp on Monday. This of course, is the Birds standing operation procedure. What�s more depressing is that Vince Young and Jay Cutler (the quarterbacks selected before and after Leinart) have signed, meaning the quarterback�s salary slot should be determined.

Maybe Leinart should threaten to miss the entire season, it worked for Reggie.

Shooting the scheisse

A kewl story that never made its way into the official press tour blog: In the middle of the tour, there was a TCA field trip to the ABC Prospect studios, where both "The Shield" and "Grey's Anatomy" film. First up: a lunchtime screening of next January's "Shield" season premiere, which picks up almost immediately after the death of Lem, and was so intensely good that it had all of the people at my table grumbling about having to wait six months to see the next one. (That, and, after one particularly grisly scene, asking Cathy Cahlin Ryan if she's ever scared of the man she married.) Shawn Ryan said afterwards that one of the reasons he wanted to do one more season after this one is that he didn't want to skimp on either the Lem fallout or providing closure for all the characters, so he'll devote one season to each. Shawn's a creator I always trust; while some seasons have been better than others, "The Shield" has never really had a bad season, and after the most recent batch, I'm down with anything he wants to do.

After that, we wandered over to the "Grey's" set and attempted to interview Shonda Rhimes and the actors -- the problem being that Shonda has scared the crap out of her entire cast to the point where they won't give away anything about upcoming storylines, even in the broadest sense.

After a few quasi-useful interviews, I realized I'd left my notebook over by the "Shield" stage, and while picking it up, I bumped into Shawn again. He's a notorious procrastinator, so rather than go back into his office to write, he sat and shot the breeze with me for an hour or so, until Chick Eglee (one of his writer/producers) came looking for him. We quickly roped Chick into our bull session, and the guys started talking up Franka Potente's guest stint near the end of the new season.

"She's going to say 'scheisse' at some point, right?" I asked.

Shawn and Chick looked at each other and said, in unison, "She is now!"

So there you have it: my contribution to the creative process.

Since when is "Who Wants to Be a Superhero" a trick question?

I think my schedule's going to be wonky for a while. I'm still re-adjusting to the time zone, and I have about a million DVDs and things on the TiVo to catch up on. I went into the office yesterday and spent more than an hour just opening all the mail that accumulated while I was gone, and just as I was walking out, feeling like I had accomplished something, the receptionist said, "Oh, Alan, that big pile over there is yours, too. Your desk was becoming a fire hazard."

First up, after my childhood-justifying meeting with Stan Lee and my hand-injuring encounter with Ty'Veculus, there was no way I wasn't going to watch "Who Wants to Be a Superhero?" Extremely cheesey but fun, especially if you're a raging geek like me. Stan the Man is, if anything, even stiffer than Donald Trump -- the bit where he threw a temper tantrum over the contestants' blatantly staged "party" was painful -- but the contestant mix is pretty good, even if the only two genuine comic book nuts went home in episode one. On the plus side, Cell Phone Girl is the only one who seems like a blatant famewhore, and Major Victory is so damn nuts that I think he's posessed by the undead ghost of Adam West. (And what a shock: the one contestant picked by the fanboys is a hottie in a low-cut gold lame bodysuit.) Not a bad little time-waster, though I hope future tasks will be less repetitively-edited (that, or they get a kid whose fake crying is more believable).

On the recommendation of some people on the "Life on Mars" thread, I checked out a little of "Garth Marenghi's Darkplace," which is a spoof of late '70s/early '80s cheese, a sort of "Galaxy Quest"-esque fake show written by and starring a hack British horror writer. (I'm explaining this badly; forgive me, but I'm jet-lagged.) What I've seen so far is funny (especially the "performance" by Marenghi's publisher), but it doesn't feel like it has a lot of legs. After all, only three out of the six "Police Squad" episodes are any good, and those three all felt more layered than this. But I'll finish this one up and give next week's a shot.

Got through the last two "lost" episodes of "Chappelle's Show," and now I understand why Comedy Central only wanted to send the first one out. Pretty much anything that was good at all was used in that first one, though I will never complain about watching Dave's Lil John impression ("WHAT?"). And I can see how the racial fairies sketch would have made Dave uncomfortable, if not "give up $50 million and flee to Africa" uncomfortable.

The two most recent "Entourage" episodes were two of this uneven season's strongest, mainly because the writers played to the show's biggest strength: letting Jeremy Piven go absolutely berserk at all the things in the world he can't control. Ari being unable to reach Vince unless he got Drama a job was brilliant -- as was Lloyd swooping in to save the day. The threesome story was also a rare interesting focus on Eric (though, typically, most of the entertaining scenes about it featured Eric talking about it with the other guys). Definitely one of those "be careful what you wish for" scenarios.

I watched both the post-fight "Deadwood" episodes while I was out in LA, both times right before drifting off to sleep after a long day at tour, which I realize is not the ideal condition to be watching this show. What to me felt like two fairly uneventful hours were interpreted by Matt to be much deeper than that. I don't know whether he's right or wrong in his analysis, but in my fatigue mostly what I noticed was how pointless all the scenes with the theater company seem. I will never complain about an appearance by Brian Cox, and Langriche makes a good foil for Al, but when it's just Jack and his actors, I'm both bored and frustrated by the feeling I get that Milch planned to resolve most of their story in the now-nonexistent fourth season.

I didn't have a chance to comment on either "Contender" episode after the fact. I was amused that the premiere played out almost exactly like the season one opener, with the least-heralded fighter knocking off the alpha dog (even Alfonso commented on it in show two). And, of course, the winning streak continued in episode two, though the fight wasn't as competitive. Jeff Fraza has to be feeling like a jinx at this point; whether he's on the blue team or the gold, the same bad luck keeps happening. Will he get the mumps before he gets to fight? I know some people have complained that the lower budget is too noticeable, but I don't miss Sly or the challenges or even the celebs in the audience, and I felt both fights were shot and edited at least as well as the early season one bouts.

Some people commented on "Life on Mars" in that post, but has anybody given "Eureka" a shot?

Still have to watch the most recent "Rock Star" performances and some other stuff, but this blog has been dark for too many days in a row. Time to hit the "publish post" button. Hopefully back with real-time "Deadwood" and "Entourage" reviews on Monday.

The Weak Ender

The Eagles believe they will have better chemistry as they jettisoned Terrell Owens, who will instead lead the Cowboys to the playoffs. And who can argue with Eagles management as the club filled the void with character guys like Jabar Gaffney�who was arrested for possession of a handgun?

Nice upgrade, Eagles.

Maybe Gaffney will hold a press conference from his cell, where he will do sit ups with his shirt off, entertaining his cellmate, Shank. But as long as Gaffney doesn't question the manhood of quarterback Donovan McNabb, it won't be a distraction. That's some organization they are running over there.

At least the Eagles have a cool cheerleader calendar. And you don't even need a Michael Irvin peephole to see it.

• Speaking of the Eagles, has anybody noticed that one of the competitors on the Real World Fresh Meat challenge is competing (and winning) with a sports hernia? The same sports hernia that sidelined McNabb last year? At times, even Coral comes off as a big gamer than McNabb. And she probably wouldn't have gotten tired in the Super Bowl. Well, unless she was bit by a spider or something.

• Yes, way too old to be still be watching MTV.

• Shamed Tour de France winner Floyd Landis continues to maintain his innocence as he claimed that he naturally has a high level of testosterone. Of course he does, seeing that he has two testicles.

• Hold the phone here. People once thought that Lance Bass wasn't gay? It had to be traumatizing for girls who grew up loving the guy. It would be like, for a generation of guys, finding out that Kelly Monaco was gay. Actually, that would be kind of cool.

AND FINALLY
Former Baywatch star Erika Eleniak is going to appear on the next version VH1's Celebrity Fit Club. Nice show, Baywatch. The Hoff is too drunk to get on a plane. Pamela Anderson is getting married four times in the next month. Yasmine Bleeth has fallen off the face of the Earth since her cocaine-related arrest. Carmen Electra is done bearding for Dave Navarro. Alexandra Paul still looks like a man. So actually Eleniak is the best of the bunch as she joins other celebrities such as Tina Yothers (wow), Nick Turturro (who probably gained a lot of weight in a month just to find some work) and Katharine McPhee on the show.

If you get a chance, check out The Hater Nation Forums.

Your move, Mr. Stoneman

The Texas Rangers have acquired outfielder Carlos Lee from the Milwaukee Brewers because when you get down to it, the Rangers always seem to be one bat shy of winning. This deal comes on the heels of last-place Seattle dealing one of its top prospects for Ben Broussard. The A�s are almost certainly going to deal before the deadline.

And that leaves the Angels. It has become depressingly apparent that Howie Kendrick is going to be that promised impact bat. Or the team will reason that the resurgence Juan Riveria is better than making a deal. Not that either player is doing bad, but the Angels need to do more. If they don't think so, they are a bunch of dopes.

Kendrick should now be untouchable. And the only player on the Major League roster available should be Adam Kennedy. But anybody else in the minors should be fair game to get Miguel Tejada. Be it Brandon Wood, Joe Saunders or Mark Trumbo. Trade them.

Of course, the team wouldn't need to make a deal if they had kept Troy Glaus�a move that probably cost them the World Series title last year.

So it's up to you, Stoneman. The other clubs in the division have proven that they want to win, do you?

Super Bowl Buzz Kill

Why Your Team Won't Win the Super Bowl



Imagine you are quarterback Charlie Frye�a local product born and raised in Ohio who grew up idolizing the Browns. Dude had a posters of Bernie Kosar and Drew Carey on his wall and a deep seeded hatred for John Elway, Earnest Byner and Marty Schottenheimer (and if he didn't, he should have).

Frye went on to star in college at Akron and was selected by the Browns in the 2005 NFL Draft. The club anointed Frye the start for 2006 and even went so far to trade the competition�Trent Dilfer. Cleveland even signed an all-pro center, LeCharles Bentley to help ease Frye's transition. The whole thing has to be an absolute dream come true for Frye.

So what happens on the second day of training camp?

Bentley hurts his leg and could miss the whole season.

Welcome to the Browns. Actually, Frye should know better seeing that he grew up witnessing the history of the Browns. He might as well get on Kellen Winslow's motorcycle and do some laps around the parking lot.

And does anybody think that Bentley's injury has anything to do with this guy?

Other previews: Jets, Texans, and Vikings.

Tommy Maddox's New Home

A group of investors, led by former NCAA president Cedric Dempsey, have formed the All American Football League, scheduled to start play next spring.

Unfortunately, Vince McMahon is not expected to be involved.

The league plans to field eight teams based in college towns, playing in stadiums on campus or nearby. The expected cities will likely come from the ACC, SEC and Big Ten and already has stadium usage agreements (Purdue is believed to be one). The league, based in San Diego, will not have a West Coast team during the inaugural season. (Damn. )

Players will be required to have college degrees in order to prevent people like Maurice Clarett or Mike Williams from leaving school early. Or any members of the Bengals from ever joining the league once they are paroled. Or for the media to pretend that Reggie Bush will play for the league. AAFL players will earn about $100K per season, higher than both the Arena Football League and NFL Europe.

The league is pulling a lot of positives from failed spring leagues like the XFL and USFL. Players will be paid by the league, instead being paid by individual owners. Players will be placed in teams based on college affiliation. But unlike the XFL, the league owner is not going to shoot his mouth off about being real football. And hey, it will give Dick Butkus a chance to latch on to something new.

This idea should work. It will give those who ignore the NHL and NBA something to watch after March Madness. And if done correctly, it could grow into a real NFL developmental league. NFL owners currently investing in AFL team could instead turn to the AAFL. And NFL Europe could finally be chalked up as a bad idea. (Seriously, the thought of NFL Europe is as dumb as having a professional soccer league in the US. At least nobody has tried that.) No team in LA? There is an open stadium at Cal State Fullerton to become LA's franchise.

But seriously, Vince McMahon needs to be involved in this thing. Or if not, at least add this. Otherwise it just wouldn't be the same.

And So It Starts

The Raiders are a second-rate NFL team, so it figures they'd have a second-rate version of Terrell Owens. Enigmatic receiver Jerry Porter showed up to the first day of Raiders training camp wearing a gold "Million Dollar Belt" (made famous by former WWF star Ted Dibiase) and demanded a trade.

This prompted new coach Art Shell to ask, �Who the hell is Jerry Porter?�

Seriously, what has Porter ever done to make people believe he is an All-Pro? Porter has never cracked 1,000 yards receiving or notched double digits in touchdown receptions. Yet the Raiders felt compelled to give Porter a $13M signing bonus in 2005. Porter missed the first day of practice with a calf injury and now he wants to be traded.

It's hard to imagine how this franchise has fallen off the face of the Earth since getting blown out in the Super Bowl.

Remember when Owens was having trouble with management during training camp last year? There were rumors of an Owens for Porter trade. Do you remember the best part? The Raiders fans didn�t want to part with Porter.

You can read more here.

Homeward bound

Today's column: a wrap-up of press tour, with some duplication of things that appeared only on the blog (like the anchor wardrobe thing).

Oh, and I saw "Deadwood" last night while packing, so Cone up. Discuss while I'm in the air, and I'll try to weigh in tomorrow.

Why Your Team Won't Win the Super Bowl

Imagine you are a big-time free agent running back who just signed a big-money deal. To impress the new bosses do you show up to mini-camp:

a.) In the best shape of your life?
b.) Looking like you pounded donuts in the offseason with John Madden, Jerome Bettis and John Daly?

You are in the 99 percentile if you answered "a."

You are Vikings new running back Chester Taylor if you answered "b."

The former Ravens back-up running back showed up to the Vikings first mini camp looking like he was using Dennis Green�s old training regimen. Well, without knocking up the office secretary and forcing her to have an abortion.

But you can�t really blame Taylor, he is in Minnesota now. And when in Rome�

The Vikings went out of its way to improve its offensive line with the acquisition of guard Steve Hutchinson. But it's not going to help if the top running back is built like Mo'Nique. The Vikings thought they were getting the next Priest Holmes. Instead, it looked like the club got a guy who is the epitome of gluttony.

So when it comes to the Super Bowl the Vikings have a...

wait for it

wait for it

fat chance.

Purple Thoughts

Vikings fans are quick to point out that Brad Johnson has a Super Bowl ring. Make your own Trent Dilfer joke here. Johnson was the beneficiary of a great defense in Tampa Bay. The best defense in Minnesota are the lawyers who where able to keep the Vikings Love Boat Crew out of jail. Actually, those attorneys were probably better at stopping the "pass."

Fist-year coach Brad Childress looks like he is building a poor man�s version of the Eagles�a decent quarterback flanked by anonymous running backs and receivers. They say the receivers have something to prove. Really? Troy Williamson proved he was no Randy Moss last year, while Koren Robinson proved he still could not catch a football.

Cheer up Vikings fans, despite having a miserable NFL team, that doesn�t mean you can�t compete in the NFC North.

Other previews: Jets and Texans.

Close to home

Last full day at the tour, and I get up at the crack of dawn tomorrow to fly home. I updated the official blog for the final time with a couple of posts, one about how "Prison Break" plans to deal with ABC stealing all of their recurring guest stars, the other about the surprisingly funny session for Fox's mostly unfunny "Happy Hour." Meanwhile, over in the actual column, Peter Liguori takes his turn at bat on the whole "Why should people watch serial dramas that could be canceled early?" question, and actually gets some wood on the pitch.

If I don't have a chance to do the link before I head to the airport tomorrow, there should be a press tour wrap-up column running under the Alan andreikirilenkotattoo on TV banner.

Reggie Bush Update

NEW ORLEANS Reggie Bush will retire from the NFL effective immediately, according to a statement released by the running back's agent, Mike Ornstein. The agent wanted to make it clear that this retirement clearly is not a negotiating tool. That would just be unscrupulous. An agent would never threaten to have a player sit out an entire year if it wasn�t completely serious. And retirement? It was just the next logical step.

Bush's agent also said that with his client�s early retirement also gets him ready for 2011 Pro Football Hall of Fame class.

"No player has ever had as much leverage as Reggie has," Ornstein said. "In fact, by retiring, Reggie�s marketability will increase. There is seemingly no end to Reggie�s marketing opportunities just like the .com-boom."

Why Your Team Won�t Win the Super Bowl

The case for: The Houston Texans have a very real chance of winning the Super Bowl this season. Far fetched? Maybe, but the Texans have finally released quarterback Tony Banks. St. Louis (1999) and Baltimore (2000) replaced Banks and went on to win a Super Bowl. Don't laugh. When your quarterback is David Carr, you�ll grasp any straw necessary.

Why they probably won't: You really can't trust a team that bypassed Reggie Bush for a defensive end. Especially when the defensive end could very well be the second coming of Mike Mamula. You can list the reasons from signability, the switch to the 4-3 defense or the presence of Dom Davis. The fact still remains that they did not take the most electrifying player in the draft. One of the greatest college football players in recent memory. These kind of things signal to the fans that winning might not be the most important thing.

At least they were smart enough to pass on Vince Young.

Alright, maybe we were a little harsh on Carr earlier, who has been betrayed by a bad offensive line. The team has made some significant upgrades on the offensive line (like Mike Flanagan), which is good. The only problem is that the club has hired Mike Sherman as its offensive coordinator. That�s like trying to calm your headache by hitting yourself in the toe with a hammer.

Other Previews:
New York Jets

"I'm not even supposed to be here today!"

After wilting in the heat of NBC's party Saturday night (the recorded temperature at one point was 111 degrees, the highest in Pasadena since the 19th century), I needed some air conditioning therapy, and with a small afternoon window yesterday, I went to see "Clerks II" at LA's ArcLight, a movie theater that makes me weep over the multiplexes I have to visit at home.

Short version: Loved it, but I'm biased. Longer, more spoiler-y version after the jump...

The original "Clerks" holds special meaning to me. It came out when I was a college sophomore, still new to the world of indendent films. In the span of a few weeks, I went to screenings for this and "Pulp Fiction," and did my first phone interview with an honest-to-goodness filmmaker in Kevin Smith. (Who was, in retrospect, much gentler with me than he needed to be given my completely unformed interviewing technique. I believe one of the questions I asked, God help me, was, "So now that you've made the quintessential movie about convenience stores, what are you going to do next?") While I wasn't living the exact personal circumstances of Dante or Randal, I was about the same age and feeling the same dislocation -- that "Is this what I should be doing?" question that's an even more dominant theme of the sequel.

I have friends like Fienberg who felt the more philosophical parts of "Clerks II" were just getting in the way of the comedy, but I liked them. Again, my life (including a wife, a daughter and a stable, non-soul-deadening job) doesn't really resemble our heroes', but there are still those moments where I stop and ask the same questions about my future. Now, I saw "Jersey Girl" when Julia was only a few months old and I was struggling to adapt to the demands of parenthood, so that movie should have spoken to me as much as "Clerks II" did, but I was just as bored by it as the rest of the world. I think Dante and Randal are just much more specific, interesting and -- most important -- funny characters than Affleck was in "Jersey Girl."

And "Clerks II" is damn funny, possibly Smith's funniest overall movie since "Mallrats." "Chasing Amy" and "Dogma" are both better films, but nothing in either one made me laugh nearly as much or as hard as the scene where Elias explains to Randal why he and his girlfriend don't have sex, or Jay's Jame Gumb impression (and I'm not talking about the "It puts the lotion in the basket scene"), or Jay and Silent Bob's get-what-you-pay-for free meal.

I loved all the little call-backs to the original, whether it was Dante's nail polish fetish or the mention of the funeral or, especially, that last shot in the Quick Stop. When the screen faded to black and white, Soul Asylum came on the soundtrack and we saw the milk lady continuing her futile quest, a feeling of almost pure joy came over me. Change in life is great, but sometimes the best things are the ones that stay the same.

Anybody else see it yet? If so, thoughts?

The Post Mortem

Weavermania is taking over! Or Maybe not.

The popular website Deadspin has noted that Jered Weaver mania has yet to really grip Southern California. Even in spite of the fact that Weaver won his seventh game of the season on Sunday.

And you know what? They are absolutely correct.

Maybe Angels fans are fearful that Weaver is going to be sent back down to the minors again. (Something that was predicted on THN a full week before the Bish stole came up with that idea.) Or maybe Angels fans are waiting for Weaver to dominate the American League at which time Bill Stoneman will let him walk away as a free agent because the team has some stud down at AA.

Still, Angels fans are starting to take notice and some may even come to a game just to see Weaver pitch (and not to steal a promotional item).

• Congratulations to Yankees fans who have taken Alex Rodriguez from the best player in baseball to the second coming of Kevin Maas and Hensley Mullens. Great job, guys. A-Rod will go down in Yankees history as the biggest loser since Don Mattingly.

• Ricky Williams broke his arm playing in Toronto. When stuff like this happens, it fosters a race in the internet to see who can be the first to make the medical marijuana joke. Zach is the winner.

• Shea Hillenbrand was traded to the Giants over the weekend, which is good for a couple of reasons. First, he's not coming to the Angels. Second, he's gone to a team where he is not even close to being the club's biggest a-hole.

• UCLA has agreed to a five-year contract extension with football coach Karl Dorrell, ensuring that the earliest the Bruins will ever beat USC in football will be 2011.

• The Chicago White Sox mowed down the competition in the playoffs last season, but these guys can�t hit a member of the Texas Rangers? Again, the two clubs were trading bean balls on Sunday. Well, the Rangers were hitting White Sox hitters and John Garland could not hit Ian Kinsler. That of course, did not please Ozzie Guillen. You have to figure that if Guillen wasn't in baseball, he would be one of those overweight, crazy fans that goes to games way too drunk (or on meth), screaming at people who aren't even on the game. Like he would be calling for the White Sox pitcher Jack McDowell to bean Dean Palmer in retaliation. But instead, he's managing a team. Yeah, that�s much better.

AND FINALLY
You can talk about Tiger Woods being an intimidating player, how long he plays and how he always manages to rise to the occasion. But don't discount how smart this guy is, too. Woods went driver only once to win the British Open. Could you ever imagine Lefty trying to do something like that?

Look at the law man beating up the wrong guy

One link I forgot before: I review "Life on Mars," a cool new BBC show about a cop who travels back in time to 1973.

Bad Idea

There are rumors afoot that Joe Buck could replace James Brown on FOX NFL Sunday. At first look it appears to be a great idea. Buck could toil anonymously in those early hours (when most of us West Coasters are either sleeping or checking the internet for fantasy football updates) instead of ruining FOX's game of the week.

But FOX actually wants Buck to do double duty as both the host of FOX NFL Sunday and the top game each week. This is just a terrible idea. How does FOX come to the conclusion that America is clamoring for more Joe Buck? You would be hard-pressed to find anybody in America who actually likes the guy. This is why networks need a department of common sense, chaired by a fan who can veto such moves.

Want to hire Deion Sanders and Shannon Sharpe to be on your morning show? Vetoed by the department of common sense.

Chris Berman to host the home run derby? Vetoed by the department of common sense.

Stuart Scott's contract to be renewed? Vetoed by the department of common sense.

Joe Buck to host the NFL morning show? Vetoed by the department of common sense.

You could even use it for the various websites.

Want to hire Skip Bayless? Vetoed by the department of common sense.

The Sports Dork turns in another rambling, incoherent column? Vetoed by the department of common sense.

This idea makes almost too much sense.

PARTY!!!!!!

Last night we held the TCA Awards and all the attendant wackiness. Angela, Meredith and Kevin from "The Office" and Dr. Weber from "Grey's Anatomy" were all good, albeit confused, sports who stuck around afterwards to participate in very silly rituals like The TCA Alt-Awards (awards about critics, like the one most likely to quit and become a publicist or the one best suited to hosting a talk show) and Transcript Theatre (Weber did a dramatic reading from Mr. T's session about why he pities the fool).

You can find an account of the more serious parts of the evening over at the tour blog. (Below that is a brief write-up on NBC's punishing 10000 degree party.) Meanwhile, today's column is, of course, on "Studio 60" vs. "30 Rock."

Because I was too busy trying to recruit Sara Ramirez to join in Transcript Theatre, I missed "Deadwood" and "Entourage." Cone of Silence up. Give me a few days after I get back to Jersey on Wednesday and we can hopefully return to the old routine.

"Heroes" mystery solved

Back when I did my Pilot Watch on "Heroes," there was some confusion over whether there was a different version of the pilot other than the one critics were sent. Well, the "Heroes" session is just wrapping up, and Tim Kring explained that the original pilot was two hours -- and featured scenes with Gregg Grunberg and Leonard Roberts, who aren't in the final version -- but that the show is going to premiere as a one hour, and Grunberg and Roberts will be introduced in episodes two and four, I think. (Grunberg made a joke about how he's superstitious about not being in pilots, since he wasn't in the "Felicity" or "Alias" pilots, but was in the one for "Lost" and wound up getting eaten.)

So there. Off to write a review of "Life on Mars," which is cool enough that I'm skipping a few NBC sessions to deal with. I have to say, it's been a very good tour, and a lot of that has to do with the sheer number of good shows we're seeing.

Hitting the links

Some link catch-up: today's column is Marc Cherry's elaborate mea culpa for season two of "Desperate Housewives," yesterday's is about the "CSI" vs. "Grey's Anatomy" timeslot battle, and up at the press tour blog right now is Matthew Perry out-doing Taye Diggs with the line of the tour.

This is why he's "the funny anchor"

Brian Williams on the whole controversial anchor wardrobe issue.

Hey, somebody really is 'Watching'

Best announcement from NBC's executive session: "Nobody's Watching" lives.

The Weak Ender

The Patriots made a huge mistake years ago when they dumped the traditional Minuteman from their uniform for the current design. It was easily one of the coolest logos in the NFL, next to the Browns. Dumping the red uniforms was a mistake also. What isn�t a mistake are the new uniforms of the New England Patriots cheerleaders. Too bad those broads will be wearing fur coats by October. But those early games in September should be interesting.

You can catch more pictures of Michelle here, here, or here. Now that we have rid ourselves of the pervs, it's time to move on. Oh, and thanks to the Insomniac's Lounge for making this possible.

• Former Negro League star Buck O'Neil appeared in a minor league All-star game becoming the oldest baseball player in history. But the publicity stunt ended horribly when Roger Clemens beaned O'Neil, who was crowding the plate.

• Patriots coach Bill Belichick was reported to be the "other man" in an illicit affair with a married woman. The husband, Mike Martz, was said to be devastated by the news. Do you think if the husband was the Sports Dork Bill Simmons, would he even be upset by this news? Or would he think it was an honor that Belichick deemed his wife hot enough to hook up with?

• There is a report that Blue Jays manager John Gibbons challenged Shea Hillenbrand to a fight. Way to pick on a girl. Hopefully the Angels were joking when they said that they would consider Hillenbrand to play first base. Evidentally bantamweight third baseman Maicer Izturis is just that damn good.

• Vince Young is reportedly asking for a signing bonus larger than the $54M deal that first overall pick Mario Williams signed. Young is believed to be asking for $60M. But hey, after looking at his Wonderlic score, Young might believe that $60M < $54M.

AND FINALLY
This is from the Post Mortem on 7/10:

You have to say that golf has come a long way when two African Americans�Tiger Woods and Trevor Immelman�were battling it out for the Western Open title. Immelman won his first ever PGA event. But having Tiger near the top of the leader board should signal the end of the Lefty era as both golfers take their respective places.

Tiger is already running away with the British Open. Lefty? Wow, he's below David Duval.

NFL Preview

Predicting the Super Bowl winner is played out. It's an exercise in futility. The alleged experts either focus on one team (Panthers), or predict a repeat (Steelers), or try to shock you with an outlandish pick (Giants). And coming from somebody who has seen the inner workings of an NFL magazine�you know just as much as these guys. So The Hater Nation is going to predict that no team is going to win Super Bowl 41. A dumb call, but that prediction is going to stand 31 times out of 32. THN will preview the upcoming by explaining why your team won�t win the Super Bowl.

First up: The New York Jets



The New York Daily News (or some rag out there) recently reported that the quarterback battle for the Jets was going to be furious. There is even talk that rookie Kellen Clemens might edge out Patrick Ramsey for the backup spot behind Chad Pennington. Clemens even received most of the snaps with the first team at a recent mini-camp and could win the starting job.

If you think the Jets are getting anywhere near the playoffs, let alone the Super Bowl, then you are one big dope.

And you thought Kyle Boller vs. Kordell Stewart vs. Anthony Wright was the worst quarterback controversy of all-time. This may top the all-time list. The Jets are in serious trouble if they have to start Pennington. They are in ridiculous trouble if they have to start Clemons. They are in "they couldn�t compete in the XFL" trouble if they resort to starting Ramsey.

Not to fear, the Jets will equally as inept running the ball, too. Curtis Martin is coming back from knee surgery. Don't look for Martin to be making a monster comeback unless he has been hanging out with Victor Conte. The Jets backup running back is Blair Thomas.

Eric Mangini was hired by the Jets because he was a Bill Belicheck clone. Too bad he's likely a clone of the Cleveland-era Belicheck. Hey, at least the next team that hires him will have some success. Alright, Mangini should be given a chance to prove himself. But his decision-making ability does not seem too sound with the hiring of Brian Schottenheimer to be the club's quarterbacks coach. Oh wait, he made him offensive coordinator. Yeah, that's way worse.

The Jets did switch to a 3-4 defense for this year, which means that team will have an excuse when it continues to get lit up by opposing teams. Only eight teams allowed more points than the Jets last year (355).

Final word: Even that idiot in the Fireman's hat would have to give up on this team.

Talking to Mr. Cuse

I'm not saying I believe that he and Damon know where all of this is going, but Carlton Cuse talks a good game.

Don�t Worry T.O.

Randy Moss has your back.

Moss, no stranger to controversy, has weighed in on the whole Terrell Owens and Donovan McNabb falling out on the Dan Patrick show recently. And the nation is grateful that the exemplar of petulant receivers has finally weighed in.

"McNabb in a certain sense didn't want to share the fame," said Moss "And I really believe that. And by T.O. putting in his book and coming out of his mouth and saying it, I think it's believable."

Except for that whole, Owens was misquoted in his own autobiography deal. But those are just details.

While Moss did support his fellow malcontent, he did have some sage advice.

"Any person worrying about the other man's money means you're not focusing on what you need to be focusing on," said Moss. Instead, he should be out opening up his own juice stand.

Yeah, because if there is any receiver who is completely focused, it's the guy who admits that he takes plays off. You can say a lot of things about T.O., but the guy is a gamer. Owens was suspended for a good portion of 2005, and yet he had similar numbers to Moss. Owens played in the Super Bowl with a broken leg, Moss was slowed last year with a stomach ache. Maybe when Owens wants to run afoul of the law or admit to the world that he smokes pot (once in a blue moon), Moss could be of some assistance. Otherwise, maybe Moss should focus on tackling those cornerbacks who will be surely intercepting Aaron Brooks� passes.

Shea to Jays: Need More Hugs

Infielder Shea Hillenbrand was cut by the Toronto Blue Jays on Wednesday night after his feelings were hurt and he refused to sit in the dugout like a scolded junior high kid. Hillenbrand was upset because nobody in the Toronto's front office congratulated him on adopting a baby girl last weekend.

Seriously.

Maybe somebody should tell Hillenbrand that he's not working for IniTech or Krueger Industries. He's a Major League Baseball player. Or at least he was. And seriously, those who work in an office probably feel a lot like the Blue Jays organization.

It's annoying when you have a constant stream of birthday cards, going away cards, and other cards to sign because the office social secretary is a little overzealous. Nobody wants to be hounded to buy Girl Scout cookies, support the Little League hit-a-thon or participate in any other like activities. But you expect that kind of stuff when you are working in an office full of women. Not when you are a Major League Baseball player.

Maybe Shea should just retire and get a job as a secretary. He seems like that guy in the office who spends a little bit too much time hanging out with the girls. The kind of guy who will pass up beers with the boys during lunch on Friday to instead go dish with all of the girls. Not that there is anything wrong with being every girl�s best friend. But that�s the kind of dude you want playing in a Van Halen cover band, not third base for the Angels.

And speaking of that, the Angels had better not even think of trading for this goof. It seems like Jose Guillen all over again. The Angels don't need a guy who is more concerned with window treatments than winning a pennant.

Return to me

In which Calista Flockhart and I have an odd yet satisfying reunion.

Charlie Gibson, clotheshorse

I am a man of my word, so while Charlie Gibson was appearing via satellite from Cyprus, I asked him who he was wearing.

Deadwood: Cone of Silence lifted

I got to watch "Deadwood" last night before bed. I have to run to a press conference right now (Charlie Gibson via satellite from Jerusalem, and there's been some very healthy debate among the rest of the TCA over whether I still have to fulfill my promise to Katie Couric and ask Charlie about his wardrobe), so I don't have time for any real reviewing, but I figured I'd open the floor up. If I have time later today, I'll either pipe in with the comments, or maybe update this post.

Rescue Me: Are you kidding me?

Today's column is me once again getting mad at "Rescue Me" for the end of last night's episode. I'm frankly too annoyed to write about it twice, but feel free to comment below.

Ask Rex Grossman

Bears quarterback Rex Grossman sat down with chicagobears.com to answer some emails from the fans. Here is a look at some of the unedited answers.

It's great to know that you're back as the Bears' starting quarterback. What do you expect from the offense this year? -- Jonathon D. Greer, South Carolina

Look for the offense to really get a chance to gel when Brian Griese eventually replaces me in week three. It might take him a while to get acclimated to the offense. But I�ve suggested to coach Smith that Griese get a lot of reps in practice to prepare for my eventual season-ending injury.

What is the most important attribute for an NFL quarterback, physical ability or mental ability? -- Chris D. Peoria, Illinois

The ability to fight off injury? I don't know how those guys do it. NFL players hit hard.

How does it feel to be considered softer than Joey Harrington? -- Doug D. Corona, CA

The worst part is that I don�t even know how to play the piano.

Late last season you wore gloves while playing. Are you planning to wear them starting with training camp, waiting to wear them in the cooler weather or not planning to wear them at all? -- Bryan D. Marshall, Illinois

The metal on the clipboard is always cold. So I'll be wearing gloves.

Which one of the young receivers do you see having a breakout season? -- Wes G.
Villa Park, Illinois

Seriously, can you note use the term break around me? Thanks. But I say the guy we got from Carolina last year, Steve Smith. He's awesome. What's that, that guys wasn't Steve Smith? Who is it? Muhsin Muhammad? Too bad. He sounds like one of those guys Bush framed for plotting to blow up the Sears Tower.

How do you feel going into training camp without having to learn a new offense? -- Alyssa B. Stuart, Florida

Yeah, if I could ever play in the offense, that would be sweet.

Which team has the best injury carts? -- Mark D. California

St. Louis has a nice injury cart, but I�ve always been partial to the cart right here at Soldier Field.

What are your personal goals for the upcoming season? -- Jeffrey L. Chicago

If you think that I am going to write, "stay healthy" then you are absolutely�correct.

Do you feel that you have more pressure on you this year now that the Bears have a solid veteran backup quarterback in Brian Griese? -- Brian G. Chicago

I just think it's a good move by the organization to protect themselves if something were to happen. (Actually, that was a real answer by Grossman.)

What has been your most memorable moment or game in your NFL career so far? -- Steve A. Inverness, Illinois

There was this one time I rolled out, completed a pass, and did not have to go on the IR immediately following. If I could do that twice in the same game, that would be special.

Is this going to continue to be one tired joke about Grossman being hurt a lot? -- Everybody, Earth

Yeah, pretty much.

Rock Star: The view from the bleachers

Since I got to attend the taping of tonight's "Rock Star" performance show on Sunday night, I thought it would be interesting to write up the show as it played from the theater and let you guys compare it to how it played on TV. (Of course, I also won't have time to watch the show tonight, so it's an easy way out.) These are the performances in order, sometimes with comments on the song, or on what the judges said that may or may not have made final cut (again, I'd be stunned if all but one or two of Newsted's comments made final cut) or on other things that probably didn't make it to air.

After the jump, in order...

Patrice, "Helter Skelter": I was a little too floored by the power of the House Band to pay close attention to Patrice, but what I noticed of the vocals were very good. Dave complained that he thought her stage presence was too cutesy, but it didn't look like it to me. Before she went on, they showed a lot of footage of her and Jill fighting over the right to sing this, and when they took a break to re-dress the set, the two of them hugged. (Then again, at the mansion concert, while almost all the other contestants -- save Lukas -- were hanging out and having fun, Patrice was sitting quietly in a corner, only getting up to sing on a couple of tunes. Maybe she doesn't really fit in with the group, I don't know.)

Josh, "Come As You Are": Josh is who he is, and try as he might to seem hardcore, he's a guy who can't resist smiling even on a Kurt Cobain song. I'm assuming Dave's "These guys are going to be playing at Wembley, not a coffee house" line made final cut, while Tommy's "I wanna see you break shit" didn't.

Storm, "Just What I Needed": Okay, if I didn't see the whole selling her sexuality thing in the premiere, I sure as hell do now. Not only was she being way too friendly with the microphone stand, but there was this long exchange with Tommy afterwards where he asked her to wear more revealing clothes so he could see all of her tattoos; she smiled coyly and said, "T0mmy, six letters.... Google." (Plus, as I mention in my article, she spent one commercial break showing everyone how she could place each leg behind her head.) There was also a good back and forth between Storm and Dave about her not being so self-conscious about the faces she makes (she deliberately didn't practice in front of a mirror this time.) She's shameless, but I still like her a lot as a performer.

Lukas, "Let's Spend the Night Together": They showed a clip at the top of the show of him complaining that he couldn't sing a song with "doo da doo doo doo da da doo doo" in it. Well, he rearranged all the "doo"s right the hell out. Honestly, though, I couldn't hear him at all over the band, so I just admired his ability to do that whole Jagger-esque strut/stagger around the stage. He's probably not much of a singer, but the jerk is fun to watch.

Jill, "All Right Now": She rips through it, though as with some of her previous songs, it is so very, very faithful to the original (even though the lead singer of Free was a guy) that I have no idea if she's a real singer or just a karaoke champ.

Ryan, "Fortunate Son": Ryan's a classic example of the House Band making somebody seem better than they probably are. From the back of the theater, he's moving around more and seems to be really feeling the music, but whenever I looked up at the monitors, he was so damn lifeless. The band spent a long, long time offering him advice. Dave suggested his voice sounded more like a beer commercial, and said, "I want to see you get the fuck up in their faces." Gilby asked him to flash a smile in a bit that went on forever.

Phil, "White Rabbit": Jason's big moment, and again I'm guessing it's going to be cut to shreds. There's a really big build-up to him taking the stage, with him slowly tossing off his jacket, then high-fiving his way through the crowd, etc., etc. And after Phil finished, they talked a lot about how Jason was shadowing him to see if they could bring him out of his shell. Don't know what, if any of all that survived, but the bass-playing alone is pretty kick-ass. Just straight-up doom. And he did liven up Phil; this was another one where I really couldn't hear a lot of the vocals, but he stopped his whole Sominex stumbling, and that was good. (And when he sang "Wonderwall" at the mansion party, I heard that he has a good voice. Who knows? Maybe he's this year's Marty, and he zooms past the others.)

Dana, "It's My Life": Great voice, one hundred percent wrong for this show and this band. I can't imagine virtually anything the judges said making it onto the show. At one point, they diss Bon Jovi (not exactly a way to get people to license their songs to you); at another, Dave tells her, "If you were on a singing contest that was a little further right on the dial, Taylor Hicks would be your janitor." (Then again, maybe that one did make it.)

Toby, "Runaway Train": Weird arrangement, low energy level, easily his weakest to date. In the comments, Tommy says that they want Toby to try to scare them like Lukas does, to which Toby replied, "I wanted to prove to you guys that I'm not just a dick who runs up and down." Newsted delivers another insightful but unexcerptable monologue about playing to the guy in the third tier of the stadium.

Magni, "Plush": I was preoccupied with something else during this one, but after watching Magni seem like a genuinely cool, low-key guy at the mansion, I may have to reassess him next week.

Zarya, "Everybody Hurts": She's crazy and annoying and should have gone home after the stunt last week, but that was one hell of a climax.

Jenny, "Drive": It's hard to reconcile the magnetic woman who I saw rock the mansion on "Smells Like Teen Spirit" with this mouse who a few hours earlier coasted through this Incubus song. Maybe the pressure's too much for her. Both Tommy and Dave came onto her during the comments.

Dilana, "Zombie": Just give her the prize already. Only way she doesn't win is if the guys in Supernova don't want to be overshadowed by their singer, because she is just awesome. A real original. (When they cut to the judges, Dave's first comment was, "Ohhhh, shit!!!" There's a long exchange that ain't getting anywhere near the broadcast where Dilana talks about the vocal coach helping teach her to sing in a head voice like Dolores from The Cranberries, and how proud she was to pull it off in rehearsal before deciding to go in a completely different direction for the final performance, which prompted a round of "Fuck Dolores!" cries from the judges.

Best of the night: Dilana, by a mile.
Bottom three: If we're basing it solely on this night, then some combo of Toby, Ryan, Jenny or Dana.

So how did my experience in the studio track with yours at home?

Potent quotables

Go over to the official blog for two very funny quotes from Taye Diggs and America Ferrera. In particular, "I'm Taye Diggs!" is now moving into the everyday conversation of everyone in the room. It may top "Is Wayne Brady gonna have to choke a bitch?" as my number one "I'm too cool for you" line.

David Rosenthal, sane man

New on the official blog: a transcript of my interview with the seemingly level-headed new "Gilmore Girls" showrunner.

ABC's of scheduling

In case anyone cares, the ABC premiere dates.

Is that a beer in your pants or are you just nervous?

Today's column: My trip to a taping of tonight's "Rock Star" and the party at the mansion afterwards.

In the comments to the last post, there are one or two nuggets from the "Veronica Mars" panel, but as I say there, I'm doing a solo interview with Rob Thomas tomorrow and didn't want to cover the same ground twice.

ABC is today. More later.

Update: Jeff Weaver Still Sucks

Jeff Weaver sure was a godsend on Monday�for the Atlanta Braves who tattered the former Angels pitcher for six runs in four innings with two home runs, including a grand slam. Yeah, the Sign Guy must feel really good about that one today. And to think, Weaver was battered around by an inferior National League team. It would be understandable if it was, you know, a real baseball team or something.

But that's Weaver. Anybody still think that signing Weaver was a good idea? Oh that's right, The Bish thought it was a great signing. To quote the Bish, "I think with the signing of Jeff Weaver the staff is now stronger than the one last year." (And really, why do some columnists feel the narcissistic need to constantly write, �I think� all the time? You would think the thin-skinned sports editor would try to protect his columnist and have this story either pulled or updated. You can email a question to the Bish if you follow the link. Bonus points if you get him to answer a question about his hair.)

Meanwhile, Angels rookie Dustin Moseley won his first major league start. How much did Weaver cost again? Of course, the best part of the evening was when the mouthy broad talking too loud and making shallow observations in the next row was booted out of her seat. The second best was that the Angels scored ten runs. That means:



Free Hooters hotwings, people!

And for the record, the founder of Hooters passed away on Monday, so props to the Angels for this special tribute. This must have been a tough day for former Hooters girls such as
Lee Ann Tweeden, Christy Hemme and Amy Adams. Thanks to The Wade Blogs for the head's up.

TCA Smackdown!

In which I get into a microphone war with another writer at the start of the "Gilmore Girls" panel.

The Post Mortem

Congratulations to the San Francisco Giants fans who earned some respect for doing nothing on Sunday. Seriously. Phillies pitcher Brett Myers made his return to the mound yesterday in San Francisco after serving a suspension for two weeks for allegedly beating his wife.

The Giants fans didn�t boo Myers, nor should they have. It�s hard to say this, but the Giants fans did the right thing.

Sure, any city in America would likely have booed Myers off the mound. Giants fans really couldn�t. Otherwise it would seem pretty hypocritical to cheer on the steroid abusing, wife-beating Barry Bonds (allegedly... and remember, Bonds was hitting his wife before �roid rage) while chastising another team's wife beater. It seems that most Giants fans noted the irony in booing a wife beater while hanging a sign in left field that says A Giant Among Legends (yeah, if those legends were Mickey Rourke, Jim Brown and O.J. Simpson).

Or maybe Giants fans are just a bunch of uneducated miscreants that had no idea that Myers was arrested. That, too, seems highly plausible. Actually, if Giants fans were aware of Myers assault, they might have actually cheered him for doing what he needed to do to get ahead.

• Congratulations to the Angels. When the Angels lose in the playoffs again this year because they can't score any runs, fans will be able to point to the past 12 games (with the Angels winning 11 of them) as the main reason. General Manager Bill Stoneman does not have to make a move, pointing to the recent success as evidence the Angels have enough to compete. And if the Angels face the Devil Rays in the playoffs, they will sure their number.

• It's funny, Stoneman is routinely panned for not making any movies, wanting to hold on to his players. Yet, all-stars Troy Glaus, David Eckstein, Bobby Jenks and Derrick Turnbow were allowed to leave without any compensation.

AND FINALLY
Did you happen to catch the ESPYs on Sunday? Yeah, nobody did. But one of the highlights was supposed to be a surprise appearance by Ben Roethlisberger. Yeah, where was the hero's welcome for coming back from a car accident? How were people supposed to react? Like he was some sort of war hero? He is really only the NFL's version of Gary Busey.

Clearly wasteful

My attempt to liven up the CW's spectacularly dull inaugural press tour session with a bit of quasi-livebloging.

Oh, and, obviously, my stint at the Rock Star mansion means I have yet to see either of "Deadwood" or "Entourage" yet. Depending on my schedule this week, Cone of Silence may need to be up until I'm back in Jersey. Hopefully not.

PARTY!!!!!!!

I'm moving at half-speed this morning after an awesome night of "Rock Star" goodness, first at a taping of tomorrow night's performance show, then at the mansion for the weekly party/acoustic jam concert featuring all the contestants and the guys from Supernova. Logistically, I should have stayed at the hotel to catch up on writing/watching/sleep, but totally worth it. Totally. It'll probably be the lead item in tomorrow's column, and whatever details don't make the final cut will pop up here. If nothing else, it oughta make recapping Tuesday's show a lot easier.

I'm sitting in the inaugural CW press conference right now, so don't have time for much more than the daily column link, which is mostly an account of the Katie Couric session yesterday (minus any reference to her wardrobe, which I'm saving for after I grill Charlie Gibson on his style choices).

With two yea's and no nay's to the idea of pop-up column links, I'm going to give it a try, at least through the balance of the tour. Anybody who finds them as annoying as I usually do, feel free to weigh in.

Sick of Notre Dame yet?

The NCAA has announced that it is awarding Notre Dame the national championship in college football. All the other teams are playing for second place. At least that is the impression that you get from reading Gene Wojceichowski�s story on ESPN. Or if you picked up any of the preseason publications predicting Notre Dame to win the whole thing.

Enough is enough.

Well, maybe it is easy to see why there is so much optimism in South Bend. Notre Dame did go to a BCS bowl game. Sure they lost, but they went to the game. And hey, they almost beat USC at home. Nothing says a team is ready to compete by almost beating USC. Hey, Fresno State almost beat USC last year, anybody campaigning for them as national champions?

But the biggest reason for optimism is that Charlie Weis has taken Notre Dame to levels it has not seen in recent years. Former coach Tyrone Willingham never had as much success as Weis.

Oh wait, Willingham went 10-2 in his inaugural season in 2002 and �like Weis�lost in a bowl game. How come Willingham didn�t get a 10-year contract extension? Please excuse those who want to see Weis win a meaningful game before anointing him the label of best coach in college football. It is a lot like the way the media predicts the Colts to win the Super Bowl every year�even though they find a way to lose.

We�ll believe it when we see it.

Alan andreikirilenkotattoo, troublemaker

So, let's see: as I wrote a couple of days ago, I nearly provoked Champ Kind into giving me a Whammy!; then yesterday, I almost offended Ray Liotta; and today I pissed off Katie Couric. I'm not sure I'm making it out of here alive.

Out of curiosity...

... How many of you are actually bothering to click over to the press tour blog when I put links to it here? Comments have been way down this week, and I'm curious whether it's just summer, the fact that I'm not doing "what I watched the night before" posts, or just that people don't want to bother going to yet another site and then coming back.

The Weak Ender

This could be a big day in the history of the Internet. Our man, Shane, over at the Wade Blogs was able to score and interview with Jessica Canseco. Yeah, the ex-wife of Jose Canseco who appeared in Playboy. Yes, a blogger scored an "interview" with a Playmate. There is hopes for geeks every where. (Not that Shane is a geek, but you know.)

It also gives hope that one day Anna Benson will answer the interview request to appear here at The Hater Nation.

The interview covers a wide range of topics including this bombshell�Jessica once worked at Hooters. Try to contain your shock. You can check out the interview by clicking here. Eyes up here, guys!

Speaking of Jose, you might have heard that he is making a comeback. No, not as a ball player. But as a whistleblower. Canseco has agreed to help out Senator George Mitchell�s sham of an investigation. Word on the street is that Canseco is going to get Barry Bonds blacklisted at Hop Sings.

• It�s time to admit a mistake. Michelle Wie is totally ready for the PGA Tour. It was stupid to even doubt it. Wow, Wie has the heart of a champion and she will not let anything get in her way. Good lord, John Daly on a bender would have shown more stamina. Maybe Michelle should add a few pounds. Not that she needs to fill out like Patty Hearst, but maybe she shouldn't be taking diet tips from Calista Flockhart.
  

• IRL driver Ed Carpenter said that Danica Patrick would be a tough competitor on the NASCAR circuit, especially at certain times of the month. Get it? It' s a PMS/menstruation joke. Who gave him that joke, his eight-year old son? Bill Simmons? Sadly, all the Bush-voting rednecks who follow NASCAR probably thought that was the best joke ever. Like the departed soul of Red Buttons had taken over Carpenter's body.

AND FINALLY
Flashback Steve Spurrier joke: There was a fire at the Auburn library today and 80 books were burned. The tragic part was most of them weren�t even colored yet.

If you have some time, check out the Hater Nation Forums. Not like those good-for-nothing losers have scored an interview with a Playmate.

"Mickey, I'm on." "I've never seen you get off."

RIP, Red Buttons. I'm just glad I got to witness his last moment of public glory, which took place during the most surreal press tour press conference of all time.

My prediction? Pain.

I'm still jet-lagged and I can't remember what day it is, but this has been a pretty fun tour so far. Yesterday's festivities included Trey and Matt from "South Park," Mr. T as a motivational speaker (and I got to ask him my B.A. Baracus/Tony Kornheiser question), plus Champ Kind threatening to kick my ass while a naked Mr. Rosso restrained him, a chat with Stan Lee and a wannabe superhero who tried to break several bones in my hand.

Maybe I just rub people the wrong way, I don't know.

This Will End Well

Being an NFL rookie can be a daunting task. That is why it's important to have strong leadership from veterans who have been there before. Guys like Adam "PacMan" Jones. Yes, it seems that Pacman Jones has decided to take Young under his wing and show him the ropes.

No word on when Pacman will give Young a tour of the Nashville PD holding facilities.

Young, according to some dude on the radio today, will be hosting a party with Jones and LenDale White. That's a group you want your franchise quarterback to hang out with. Young is reportedly close to signing a $50M deal with the Titans and White will likely make a good chunk of change, too. You would think somebody on the management team would want to separate Jones from all of the rookies.

Unless, of course, they are going for some sort of "scared straight" type of deal.

Things have gone downhill for Young following his victory in the Rose Bowl. From criticism for his limp-wristed throwing motion, hiring Major Dad as his agent, the wonderlic test and the media-whoring reality television series, things haven�t been so rosy for Young who looks to be come the second coming of Jeff George.

And really, you know that contract is bound to surpass Ricky Williams for most ill-fated rookie contract in NFL history. You could see those negotiations going the same way Kramer's negotiation went with that coffee company on Seinfeld.

Floyd Reese: "Vince, we are ready to offer you five�"
Vince Young: "I�ll take it!"
Floyd Reese: "Five� hundred thousand over five years."

Not that it would matter. If Young couldn�t afford a car, Jones would easily teach him how to steal one.

Gutte times

What a bizarre, bizarre day at the tour. HBO announced that "The Sopranos" won't premiere in January, after all; the new "Monday Night Football" crew showed up, sans Tony Kornheiser (and am I the only one hoping each telecast opens with a filmed vignette where Joe and Mike find a way to dope up Tony, B.A. Baracus-style, so he'll get on a plane?); I spent 20 minutes verbally fencing with FX president John Landgraf on The Incident from "Rescue Me" (and, whatever problems I had with the episode, it pisses me off to no end that I provided fodder for the L. Brent Bozells of this world); spent an hour talking to David Simon and Ed Burns about the genius of "The Wire"; and then got sucked into the orbit of Mr. Steve Guttenberg.

I don't know if you know this, but The Gutte is nuts. Nuts. Don't believe me? Go read Fienberg's masterful account of his interview with The Gutte last summer. Then go to the official tour blog to read my own account of Gutte 2: His First Assignment. Then come back here and spend a long time looking at the above photo while pondering the meaning of "fondler."

Bonds Going to Jail?

The indictment for Barry Bonds is looming and, to be honest, it is leaving a hollow feeling. Kind of like when they found Saddam Hussein. Sure it�s nice the a-hole (Bonds in this case) is being brought to justice and everything, but the damage has been done. It's like a decade too late. And unlike Saddam, there is visual evidence of Barry�s weapons of mass destruction. You don�t need a UN search committee to see that.

Still, the whole thing seems kind of underwhelming. Like nobody even cares anymore. And an America ambivalent about Bonds impending incarceration (like it will happen) is an America we don�t really want to know.

Bonds needs to draw the ire of America again and there is really only one answer�he needs to release a sex tape. Just look what it did for her and him. They are mega stars now.