Monday, May 9, 2011

funny witty quotes

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  • I'll tell you a big secret, my friend: Don't wait for the Last Judgment. It happens every day. ~Albert Camus, The Fall, 1956



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  • There's no taking trout with dry breeches. ~Miguel de Cervantes



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  • It matters more what's in a woman's face than what's on it. ~Claudette Colbert, quoted in Kindling the Spirit by Lois P. Frankel



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  • Scientists tell us that the fastest animal on earth, with a top speed of 120 feet per second, is a cow that has been dropped out of a helicopter. ~Dave Barry



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  • You can't write poetry on the computer. ~Quentin Tarantino



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  • The family is a haven in a heartless world. ~Attributed to Christopher Lasch



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  • Every man is the son of his own works. ~Miguel de Cervantes



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  • My childhood smells like a box of Crayola crayons. ~Jessi Lane Adams



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  • When I took office, only high energy physicists had ever heard of what is called the World Wide Web.... Now even my cat has its own page. ~Bill Clinton, 1996



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  • He was a self-made man who owed his lack of success to nobody. ~Joseph Heller, Catch-22, 1961



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  • The truly fashionable are beyond fashion. ~Cecil Beaton



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  • Goals are dreams with deadlines. ~Diana Scharf Hunt



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  • There is a great streak of violence in every human being. If it is not channeled and understood, it will break out in war or in madness. ~Sam Peckinpah



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  • Being grandparents sufficiently removes us from the responsibilities so that we can be friends. ~Allan Frome



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  • Tact is the art of making a point without making an enemy. ~Howard W. Newton



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  • Middle age is when your age starts to show around your middle. ~Bob Hope



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  • I still get wildly enthusiastic about little things.... I play with leaves. I skip down the street and run against the wind. I never water my garden without soaking myself. ~Leo F. Buscaglia, Bus 9 to Paradise



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  • Society is always engaged in a vast conspiracy to preserve itself - at the expense of the new demands of each new generation. ~John Haynes Holmes



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  • Don't question God, for He may reply: "If you're so anxious for answers, come up here." ~Author Unknown



    The neurotic longs to touch bottom, so at least he won't have that to worry about anymore. ~Mignon McLaughlin, The Neurotic's Notebook, 1960



    Life was a damned muddle - a football game with everyone offside and the referee gotten rid of - everyone claiming the referee would have been on his side. ~F. Scott Fitzgerald



    An expert is a man who tells you a simple thing in a confused way in such a fashion as to make you think the confusion is your own fault. ~William Castle



    The trouble with having a body is that people know it's where you hang out and you don't get any privacy. ~Robert Brault, www.robertbrault.com



    Vanity is so secure in the heart of man that everyone wants to be admired: even I who write this, and you who read this. ~Blaise Pascal

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