In the old days, it was not called the Holiday Season; the Christians called it "Christmas" and went to church; the Jews called it "Hanukkah" and went to synagogue; the atheists went to parties and drank. People passing each other on the street would say "Merry Christmas!" or "Happy Hanukkah!" or (to the atheists) "Look out for the wall!" ~Dave Barry
God loved the birds and invented trees. Man loved the birds and invented cages. ~Jacques Deval, Afin de vivre bel et bien
The only reason a great many American families don't own an elephant is that they have never been offered an elephant for a dollar down and easy weekly payments. ~Mad Magazine
Eat, drink and be merry, for tomorrow ye diet. ~Lewis C. Henry
If by chance I seated myself to write, she very slyly, very tenderly, seeking protection and caresses, would softly take her place on my knee and follow the comings and goings of my pen -sometimes effacing, with an unintentional stroke of her paw, lines of whose tenor she disapproved. ~Pierre Loti
Why waste money on psychotherapy when you can listen to the B Minor Mass? ~Michael Torke
End discrimination. Hate everybody. ~Elle Eden
Misquotations are the only quotations that are never misquoted. ~Hesketh Pearson
A fool uttereth all his mind: but a wise man keepeth it in till afterwards. ~Proverbs 29:11
A man that should call everything by its right name would hardly pass the streets without being knocked down as a common enemy. ~Lord Halifax
The believing we do something when we do nothing is the first illusion of tobacco. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson
Youth is like spring, an over praised season more remarkable for biting winds than genial breezes. Autumn is the mellower season, and what we lose in flowers we more than gain in fruits. ~Samuel Butler
If you knew that hope and despair were paths to the same destination, which would you choose? ~Robert Brault, www.robertbrault.com
When a man is in love or in debt, someone else has the advantage. ~Bill Balance
Whatever it is, it's better in the wind. ~Author Unknown
I hear that in many places something has happened to Christmas; that it is changing from a time of merriment and carefree gaiety to a holiday which is filled with tedium; that many people dread the day and the obligation to give Christmas presents is a nightmare to weary, bored souls; that the children of enlightened parents no longer believe in Santa Claus; that all in all, the effort to be happy and have pleasure makes many honest hearts grow dark with despair instead of beaming with good will and cheerfulness. ~Julia Peterkin, A Plantation Christmas, 1934
I guess there is nothing that will get your mind off everything like golf. I have never been depressed enough to take up the game, but they say you get so sore at yourself you forget to hate your enemies. ~Will Rogers
Lots of people talk to animals.... Not very many listen, though.... That's the problem. ~Benjamin Hoff, The Tao of Pooh
It is not the cares of today, but the cares of tomorrow, that weigh a man down. ~George MacDonald
A cloud does not know why it moves in just such a direction and at such a speed... It feels an impulsion... this is the place to go now. But the sky knows the reasons and the patterns behind all clouds, and you will know, too, when you lift yourself high enough to see beyond horizons. ~Richard Bach
Optimist: someone who figures that taking a step backward after taking a step forward is not a disaster, it's a cha-cha. ~Robert Brault, www.robertbrault.com
Vanity dies hard; in some obstinate cases it outlives the man. ~Robert Louis Stevenson
Beauty is power; a smile is its sword. ~Charles Reade
Most books, like their authors, are born to die; of only a few books can it be said that death hath no dominion over them; they live, and their influence lives forever. ~J. Swartz
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