Dead Man Not Walking

Lil' Hater's report from the Road.

WASHINGTON � In an emotional performance, the usually hapless Oakland Raiders came from behind to win their fourth game of the season Sunday, 16-13, against the Washington Redskins. Players and coaches dedicated the unexpected victory to their deceased owner, Al Davis.

"We saw this year how the New York Giants shamelessly exploited the deaths of two of their owners � two guys literally no one had ever heard of before they croaked � to ensure victories in the games following each of their deaths," noted Raider running back LaMont Jordan. "It's a pretty cowardly and weak ploy, actually, but we felt that if they could do it, hey, so could we."

Davis, leader of the Raiders since 1963, has clearly been dead for several years. The actual date of his passing is unclear, although insiders say the date probably coincided with the Raiders getting humiliated by former coach John Gruden's Tampa Bay Buccaneers in Super Bowl XXXVII. Staff members occasionally wheel Davis' corpse about McAfee Stadium in carefully choreographed moves taken from Weekend At Bernie's script. During the week, his body is entombed like Vladimir Lenin.

"We had this dead guy hanging around the franchise for years, smelling up the place and creeping out the cheerleaders," said lineman Warren Sapp. "But heck, if the Giants can use the death of an owner to gain sympathy from the refs, and motivate the team a little, so can we."

The strategy clearly worked on Sunday, as the Raiders � for perhaps the first time in franchise history � got the benefit of all the close referee calls in the game, including the non-call of a late Jordan fumble on the goal line, which led to the Raiders scoring the winning points. CBS broadcasters also did its part for its AFC franchise, showing review-able plays in super slow motion only when overturning the calls would benefit Oakland, while blatantly ignoring replays of calls that could benefit Washington.

Sapp also noted that the "Win One For the Dead Guy" ploy was specifically used for a road game, out of concerns that unruly and drunk Raider fans would have torn the decomposing corpse of Davis apart piece by piece in celebration of the victory.

Emboldened by the use of gamesmanship to ensure victory, Raider officials are now exploring the best way to exploit a national tragedy to gain an extra home game, as the Giants have also done. "It's going to be tough to equal the Giant's record this year � using two dead owners and a hurricane to weasel out three extra victories � but the Raiders are all about cheating, too, so who�s to say we can't rise to the challenge," said Sapp.

Opposing coaches say the strategy, while gutless, is to be expected in the hyper-competitive NFL.

"We'd try the same thing too, if Dan Snyder wasn't as reviled as he is," noted Redskins coach Joe Gibbs.

Pay respect to the departed Raiders owner in the Hater Nation forums found here.

Memo to Anaheim: Knock it Off

The Angels name change from Anaheim to Los Angeles was terrible. But you know what, the team was still winning and they still played in the same stadium. Although that could be changing very soon if the city of Anaheim does not get its act together.

Angels owner Artie Moreno told the Los Angeles Times that he would consider moving the team if they did not stop with all of the legal nonsense.

"They are trying to run me out of town," Moreno said. "If this gets put into appeals court, somewhere along the line you have to think about whether you're gone."

Way to go, Anaheim. It is bad enough they allowed the Los Angeles Rams to fold, but now they want to chase the Angels away. How soon can we start a recall election?

Why is the city even taking this to court? The city received nearly $5 million from the Angels as part of the lease agreement, despite the name change. It's over Anaheim, Dean Wormer dropped the big one. Why not worry about fixing up the football stadium at Western High School instead of suing the one person, outside of Disney, that contributes more money to your annual coffers than anybody else. I am sure the residents of Anaheim feel that all of the money for attorney's fees is worth it.

Especially when the team is playing in Tijuana in 2008.

My life is now complete

In the All TV e-mailbox this morning, I got a message with the subject line "Come and knock on my door," which was full of praise for Matt and me, and which was signed by Richard Kline -- aka Larry Dallas, sleazy/wacky neighbor supreme on "Three's Company." Between this and the angry e-mail Tom Arnold sent Matt a while back, I'm pretty happy with our celebrity readership.

I've written so much here about the leads on "How I Met Your Mother" and "The Office" being the least funny characters on each show that I figured I ought to get a column out of it, so here it is.

Liked the "Grey's Anatomy" Thanksgiving episode a lot. Sometimes I think the show is too in love with its own sense of humor -- the twinkling string music over any scene that's even halfway amusing can get tiresome -- but this was a funny hour, mixed in with a strong poignant story about the rebirth and death of coma guy. One question: "My Big Fat Obnoxious Fiance" is gay? Yet another reason that girl's parents should have hated him.

"Curb Your Enthusiasm" was awful, again. Much as I love to see Larry try to Jew it up, this one was so dumb and phony and contrived that I was surprised Richard Kline didn't pop into the chalet halfway through the episode to invite Larry to cruise for chicks at the Regal Begal. Good to see that Stuart Pankin has trimmed down, but I couldn't believe that any person in this episode would do or say anything that they were doing and saying. Even when "Curb" is wacky, there's an internal logic to it that wasn't anywhere to be found here -- except in the scene where the doctor busts Larry on his reason for lingering over Louis Lewis' bed, and Larry congratulates him for the deduction.

Back to "How I Met Your Mother," this was a solid one, though once again the non-Ted portions were much better than the Ted portions. Marian and I have about the same height differential as Lily and Marshall, and as Lily gawked at the turkey, Marian admitted that when we were seriously dating, some friends suggested that she might consider how big a baby of mine would feel inside her belly. (Sure enough, Julia had a ginormous head and didn't want to come out for weeks.) Oh, and that ending? If the stripper really was the kids' mom, I think I would be a lot more interested in Ted's story. But that's just me.

I'll be back tomorrow with thoughts on "Prison Break" and most of the Tuesday shows. Maybe my inbox today will have a message from Pat Harrington...