Peyton Manning is a Punk

Don�t mess with the Mullet! Titans Coach Jeff Fisher was still furious that Peyton Manning is trying to supplant his brother, Eli Messiah, as the biggest weasel in the NFL. With 24 seconds left in the first half and Indianapolis ahead 14-3, Manning took a knee, indicating the Colts would run out the clock and head into the locker room.

But as players, coaches and staff from the Tennessee sideline began to make their way across the field toward the locker rooms, Manning and the Colts acted as if they were going to run another play, perhaps looking to get a penalty called against the Titans for too many men on the field.

Fisher called it "absurd" and "ridiculous."

"I don't know what would motivate somebody to do that, especially after you come under center, you kneel the ball and you flip the ball to the official and you go toward the sideline. To me, that should fall under the category of unsportsmanlike conduct," Fisher said.

"There is nothing positive to gain from that situation other than pushing and shoving and those kinds of things on the field. I don't understand, (but) they don't need to explain it to me."

Titans cornerback Pacman Jones and Colts running back James Mungro collided as the odd events unfolded, with Mungro losing his mouthpiece before shoving Jones in the back.

He said the Colts may have been thinking, "We are going to see if we can snap the ball and maybe get a penalty for having 75 guys, 10 trainers and four doctors on the field rather than 12. � That is their deal.�

Great, now people are going to start being sympathetic to the 1972 Dolphins. It seems like a typical Manning bush-league maneuver, which should be good news to fantasy football owners as the whiner is going to break rules to keep up his stats. Manning is now starting to resemble one of those pseudo-good guys in wrestling that pretend to be fan favorites, yet their underhanded actions always seem to show them to be the a-holes we knew that they were.

The world will now be rooting for Shawne Merriman to break his leg in two weeks.

The Titans also complained that the Colts were using "leg whips" against the Titans players, charges that Colts coach Tony Dungy shrugged off. "I saw two football teams playing hard. Did we bend a few rules and pull some underhanded (expletive)? Sure we did. But if you have been a perennial loser for as long as Peyton and I have been, you don�t mind when you break a few rules."

Remember when Manning and Dungy were considered good guys? Neither do we. Comment in the Hater Nation Forums.

Still more "Arrested"

Since the show's almost over anyway, might as well write as much about "Arrested Development" while I still can, so...

• Marian hadn't seen any of the previous four or five episodes, so right before we started to watch, I paused the TiVo and said, "Just FYI, Charlize Theron's playing a woman who's mildly retarded, only no one realizes it." She gave me the lemon-sucking face and made like she was going to go upstairs to read, but I insisted, "It's funny; trust me." "I can't see how that would be funny," she said, but she sat down. Five minutes into the episode, she turned to me and said, "Okay, I see it."
• Two great references to actors' previous roles: the pre-plastic surgery Rita (aka a publicity still from "Monster"), and Buster singing "Mr. Roboto" in the stair car (just like Tony Hale did in that car commercial).
• So Rita's parents were cousins, eh? Somebody ought to tell George Michael about that, especially since he seems to know so much about the California statutes about cousins marrying.
• Is Bob Einstein ever not funny? He already had the best line of the year on "Curb Your Enthusiasm," in the episode with the Funkhauser anniversary dinner ("I said, 'Larry, do you want to get up and make a toast?' and someone said, 'Oh, he went home to take a shit.'"), and now he has to fire himself as George's surrogate. Genius genius genius.

More if I think of it. I have to laugh, otherwise I'll cry.

Those Wacky Baseball Wives

First Anna Benson made news yesterday when the Mets started shopping her husband, Kris, around during the winter meetings in Texas. Anna, oblivious to the fact that her husband is just a pedestrian starter, felt her negotiations with Playboy were causing problems with team (instead of his 4+ ERA) and lashed out over the weekend.

"We would never, ever have signed with New York if they had said they were going to trade us," said Benson, 29. "I was Miss [Politically Correct] for the Mets the entire time I was there.

"I have no deal with Playboy," she said, adding that talks crumbled last month over money.

Miss Benson sure was Miss Politically Correct when she said she would bang the entire Mets organization if she ever caught her husband cheating. Benson also bashed the Mets after trading for �Mr. I Hate America,� Carlos Delgado, who has, at times refused to stand for �God Bless America.� Let's make one thing perfectly clear. The Mets do not care about his made-up Playboy controversy or any other issue as long as a player contributes on the field. In fact, if Kris Benson wins 30 games this year, the Mets would probably allow Anna to have sex with Delgado on top of the American Flag at home plate before a game.

However, if the Mets are concerned about Miss Benson appearing in Playboy, than the team will never consider signing Scott Erickson as his wife (and former Monday Night Football bimbo) Lisa Guerrero, 41, will appear in the January issue.

Guerrero, a former LA Rams cheerleader, continues the Playboy heritage of publishing pictorials of girls well past their prime. (Meaning that a Brittney Spears pictorial could happen at any time now.) The advanced showing obtained by the Hater Nation shows that the airbrushing department had to work overtime. Not as bad as Tiffany, but close.

CHEESEBURGER SCALE

Fans will remember the �Cheeseburger in a Fat Farm� motto. A cheeseburger is just a cheeseburger, but give it to one of the contestants on Survivor and it is a valuable commodity. For example, Jennie Finch is a rather unattractive woman, but because she plays softball, she is deemed hotter than she really is. So where do these two baseball wives rank?

Anna Benson: cheeseburger. Kris Benson walked into a strip club to choose a mate and this was the best he could come up with?

Lisa Guerrero: hot girl who is in sports (even if she is a self-described "old broad."). A couple of things here, she was an LA Rams cheerleader which means you had to be pretty hot. This is not Cincinnati. Second, she worked for FOX which hires for looks, not broadcasting talent. Sold.

Talk about it in the Hater Nation Forums.