What's Alan watching? 'Nobody's Watching'

The nice folks at HBO sent out the first six episodes of "The Wire" season four (back in September!), so I spent most of last night watching the first two. I won't say much yet, save that fans are going to be very pleased, especially at the way that Simon has managed to keep around characters you would think the show would be long done with. (Prez is a major player this year, for Pete's sake.)

As a palate-cleanser, I watched a little of "The Gong Show: 2000," aka "America's Got Talent." Almost exactly what you'd expect, save that the judges are actually even less useful here than they are on "Idol," since the contestants aren't all doing the same thing that Hasselhoff, Brandy and Simon Lite can use to provide the occasionally helpful comment. Ratings were good, so I may need to check back in a few weeks professionally, but otherwise I doubt I'd care.

Since I can't discuss "The Wire" in too much detail, today's recommendation is for something anyone can see over on YouTube: "Nobody's Watching." It's a pilot the WB rejected last year, created by Bill Lawrence, Neil Goldman and Garret Donovan, about two best friends and lifelong sitcom junkies (think J.D. times two) who get hired by the WB to develop a sitcom while at the same time living and working on a sitcom set (with a live studio audience) and starring in a reality show about their experiences. It's very meta, funnier than pretty much any actual sitcom the WB has ever aired (with the possible exception of "Grosse Pointe"), and yet I can see why it got rejected, as I'm not sure there's an entire series there. Still, worth a look, if for no other reason than to see Billy from "Battlestar Galactica" be funny.

And if that's not enough YouTube time-wasting for one day, there's always Yacht Rock.

Ozzie Guillen: Froot Loop

And no, that is not meant as a question to Ozzie's sexuality. The White Sox manager, as many of you have likely heard, has gotten into hot water for using a derogatory term for homosexuals when referring to columnist Jay Mariotti.

But who hasn't?

Of course, Guillen was forced to apologize and he went to the standard, �I�m not homophobic, my boyfriend is gay.� Actually, Guillen asserted his openness to homosexuals by saying that he will be attending the Gay Games (don't buy your tickets on Stub Hub), goes to ton of WNBA games and even went to a Madonna concert.

Seriously, a Madonna concert. And at this point, the WNBA should just drop any pretenses of who its league caters to and should put rainbows on their jerseys.

But still, Ozzie could be a little bit more convincing. Here are a few suggestions on how Ozzie could prove to the world that he is not homophobic. Because really, just going to a Madonna concert isn�t good enough. Please feel free to weigh in on the comments section.

I'm not homophobic, I watched Will & Grace.

I'm not homophobic, I belong to PETA.

I'm not homophobic, I watched Top Gun.

I'm not homphobic, I like the original line-up of Van Halen.

I'm not homophobic, I served on a Greek submarine.

I'm not homophobic, I hang out with Michael Strahan.

It's Raining Giants

One of the most disappointing parts of the Mavericks losing out on the title was the trophy presentation from David Stern to Mark Cuban. Had long imagined that Stern would end up getting back at all the trouble Cuban has caused by pulling a line from Matt Dillon in the movie In-and-Out.

"Congratulations to Mark Cuban for having the tenacity to finally lead the Mavericks to an NBA title. Mark truly is an inspiration� and he's gay!"

Not only won�t that happen, but Michael Strahan�s wife stole his bit. Jean Strahan has accused the disputed sack king of having a romantic relationship with TV doctor Ian Smith according to the New York Daily News.

Both Strahan and Smith vehemently denied the rumors.

"We're not gay," Strahan said. "We might catch a Tom Cruise movie together and then spend dinner discussing window treatments, but that doesn't mean we're gay. And sure, we have taken showers together, but that's just water conservation. Not gay. Of course, we do share the same bed, but I was kicked out of the house by my wife. See, I'm totally not gay."

Oh man, Strahan is going to get killed in Philadelphia. The over/under on the amount of Brokeback Giants jokes is approaching one million.