You hate to see something like this

No, not the brawl. That was one of the highlights of this dismal baseball seasons. The unfortunate part of the ordeal occurred when A.J. Pierzynski and Michael Barrett shook hands, exchanged pleasantries and put the whole incident behind them over the long holiday weekend.

Who needs something like that?

Certainly not baseball. The sport could use some more anxiety along with threats of brawls and bean balls. Baseball has recently been watered down to rivalries not decided by uniforms or cities, but by the sports agent who represents you. Players are playing for their contract years instead of a chance for a pennant. Nobody wants to get dirty and play baseball like it is supposed to be played�with hate.

Say what you want about Roger Clemens, but he is a guy who gets this. The guy threw the ball at his own son for showing him up during spring training. This was a guy who applies lineament to his groing so he doesn't get comfortable on the mound. This is a guy who plays with fire (and a deep, almost disturbing love for Andy Pettitte.)

That is what sports needs. Not guys making nice. Guys who take exception and get a little agitated once in while. At least make the home crowd believe that the players actually care about winning. That the players hate the same players as you. That is what Barrett did when he decked that a-hole. Cubs fans were able to live vicariously through Barrett for a moment. (At least they had that going for them.)

A Cubs and White Sox match-up is compelling if you think that the bean balls are on the verge of happening. Otherwise it's the defending champions beating on a perennial bottom feeder. Baseball needs more drama. To use a wrestling term, baseball needs a team that actually draws heat from the fans. Instead, baseball has a bunch of Lance Storms running around when the league needs more Ric Flairs.

Now that Pierzynski and Barrett have made up, the only drama in baseball revolves around steroids and Ozzie Guillen calling a reporter names. Geez, no wonder baseball seems so lame to the younger set. The only bright spot is that Pierzynski is such a dick; he�s liable to piss somebody else off.

Baseball fans can only hope.

Lil' Dieter's Round Up

Unlike ESPN's embarrassingly poor soccer-announcing crew, Lil' Dieter has gotten a lot right this World Cup.

Dieter called a Dirty Mexico Sweet 16 loss to Argentina three days into the tournament. Check.

Dieter immediately recognized Deutschland coach Jurgen Klinsmann as a genius while others wanted him fired. My homeboys are now in the semis, thanks to Huntington Beach's finest.

Germany's favorite mean-spirited bobblehead also said Eddie Pope would be exposed as the absolute worst player on Team USA Ford Tundra. Yup. Furthermore, he said that Paulie Shore-look alike Landon Donovan needed to grow a pair, and DaMarcus Beasley needed to stop sucking for their team to win. They didn't, and they lost.

Oh yeah, Dieter also called helped this site's boss pay next month's rent by telling him to bet the farm on underdog Portugal over England. Cha-ching.

Dieter is so goddamned smart that he can talk about himself in the third person.

But, yeah, maybe a few mistakes have been made as the Cup heads to the Final Four. What do you expect, I'm a freaking German bobblehead, after all. I wear a black turtleneck and leather jeans in the summer, for God's sake.

First big mistake: Calling England the best team in the tourney, after the first weekend. Whoops. But to be fair, I only said that to gain favor with hot blogger/soccer babe Flash. (Seriously, Flash, why don�t you return my calls? Didn�t you like the candlelight dinner we had at Der Wiener Schnitzel?)

While we're talking Ingerland, here's a helpful note to England's Wayne Rooney: A good (expletive)-punch or (expletive)-stomp are only acceptable if your opponent is either: a) Duke, b) the Raiders, or c) Mexico. Or maybe A-Rod, too. And speaking of that, it seems like David Beckham and A-Rod are the two biggest choking pretty boys in the history of sports.

My other big-mistake: Calling out France's head coach as the Coach Most Likely to Emulate Norv Turner and Suck. It could still happen, but hey; those Wine-Slurping Surrender Monkeys are in the semi-finals. It's most likely despite their coach, but we're willing to cut him some slack here.

What I actually meant to say though, was to call out France's newest darling, winger Franck Rib�ry, as the Player Most Likely to Emulate Norv Turner and Be Hideously Ugly. Seriously ugly.

Achtung! Thank god I haven't watched these games in hi-def, or I'd be building myself a bunker to go shoot myself in.

In any event, hope you enjoy Tuesday's games. That is if you aren't too busy driving each other off the road while celebrating your independence.

Deadwood: The good, the bad and the Steve

"Deadwood" episode four spoilers after the jump...

I know Dan said that "Fixin' toward a bloody outcome" line back in the season premiere, but rarely has it felt as prophetic as it did in episode four. Everywhere you turned, there were people ready to rip each other's heads off. Al and Hearst. Dan and the Captain. And, of course, Hostetler and Steve the drunken horse molester (aka Steve Fields).

Richard Gant and especially Michael Harney spent most of the episode bottling so much rage that it looked on several occasions like Milch was going to pull a "Scanners" and feature some exploding heads. And that's on top of Tim Olyphant, who always plays Bullock as one bad tech support voicemail session away from turning spree killer, and who got to amp that up even more as Seth tried and failed to stay calm while negotiating peace between the man whose horse killed his son and the most hateful man in the camp. (And in a place that includes Cy Tolliver, George Hearst and E.B. Farnum, that's saying something.) The fact that Steve's presence is tolerated anywhere in camp, even at a dive like the No. 10, and that someone like Harry Manning seems to consider him a friend suggests that we may actually be spending most of our time visiting the camp's classier individuals.

(Then again, there's always Con Stapleton -- not to mention his "identical twin.")

It's odd how Bullock went from being the show's main character to a tight-assed joke most of the time, but this felt like the most Bullock-heavy episode we've had since the show's early days. I do think he's a more limited character than Swearengen (and, much as I like Olyphant, he ain't in Ian McShane's league), but I like seeing Seth struggle to fit in and do the right thing all the time, even though he's about as much a wild animal as Dan Dority.

Speaking of Al, we get the return of his preferred method of thinking: while getting serviced by one of the Gem girls. McShane just about broke my heart with the look he gave the whore when she said she wanted to vote for Harry because "Bullock yells at you." I could do without the soliloquies about his abusive childhood, however; McShane's so good that we understand Al's emotional scars without him having to explain them to us.

Now what do you suppose Hearst's playing at? Clearly, Cy is his man on the street, and after that bit with the pickaxe he knows he can never trust Al, so why bother pretending to split the pie? Why not just arm up Cy with some of his muscle and wipe out Al and his bunch. Al and Dan are tough, but Hearst could hire an army to wipe 'em all out under cover of darkness if he wanted.

And in the other key development of the evening, the bank opens and Alma gets right back on the dope. At first, when Leon was lurking so oddly at the bank, I couldn't figure out what his play was. Then I remembered that he's in charge of Cy's drug operations, and when he nodded to Alma from the street that night, I knew. Poor, oblivious Ellsworth's now gonna have him a junkie fake wife.

Some other random thoughts:

• Franklin Ajaye's delivery of "Nigger, nigger, nigger" when Hostetler wouldn't sign was a thing of beauty. Glad to have the General back in town, though it's odd that he would bother sending Jane the telegram if he and Hostetler were just gonna ride in without waiting for a reply.
  
• When Ellsworth said, "As far as the conjugal enterprise, I'll admit feeling like a schoolboy," I was taken aback, since I had assumed he and Alma didn't even kiss, much less make the beast with two backs. Then I looked up "conjugal" and was reminded that all it means is "of or relating to marriage or to the relationship between a wife and husband." Too many prison movies have corrupted the definition for me, I guess.
• Last week gave us Al's complaint about how long it takes Merrick to ask a question, and this time we get Seth doing the same with Charlie ("Is that your goddamn idea of quick, Charlie?") and Al with Hearst ("Can you say it straight out before I have a fuckin' birthday?"). But even though Milch is aware of how contorted his dialogue has become, don't expect it to change. (At least, I hope not.) Late in his run on "NYPD Blue," when all the characters were beginning to talk like 19th century dandies, there were several occasions where a guest character would make similar meta-complaints, but the lingo didn't get any clearer until after Milch left.
• Cute little moment where Joanie and Jane contemplate the future of the Chez Amie and can't figure out where Jack is going to put his stage. Felt a little like a wink at the audience (Joanie's never been funny in quite that way), but I'm okay with it.
  

Milch-isms of the week:

• Dan responding to Hearst's greeting: "Morning. Best time of day to go fuck yourself!"
• Joanie responding to Jack's offer about renting (and continuing the theme): "Perhaps you'd consider fucking yourself."
• Al on Hearst's invitation: "Fuckin' Hearst, must take me for an optimist."
• The General being sarcastic: "That's why I came back with you, Hostetler. To worsen my chances when it's time to flee!"
• Jane on Steve: "Tars every fuckin' drunk with his brush."
• EB to himself: "When will I raise courage to search that woman's room?"

What did everybody else think?