Thursday, May 1, 2008

Survivor: Can you dig it?

Spoilers for tonight's "Survivor" coming up just as soon as I loan my wife a shirt...

Am I right that this is the first time the hidden idol has been successfully played since Hogeboom? I didn't watch China but know James failed to play two different idols, and from what little I remember of Fiji, Earl's group tricked the wrong guy in the other alliance into playing it while they voted someone else out. Terry didn't need to play his (and was too stupid to figure out a way to use his strategically), Yul didn't need to play his (but was smart enough to swing the votes his way), and Ozzy and Jason obviously both choked. You get the feeling the "Survivor" producers were starting to get frustrated that their brilliant new twist to the game never got used correctly?

I'm glad, by the way, that they thought to bury it at camp this time, which helped defuse the distasteful business of people searching the bags of whomever returns from Exile Island. And while Amanda has been sleepwalking through the game until now, allowing Ozzy and then Parvati and (of all people) Natalie do the thinking for her, she played the whole thing brilliantly, pouting and whining and completely lulling everybody into thinking she was powerless and would be an easy boot. The only thing that would have made her maneuver better was if she had stuck to her guns and insisted that she and Parvati vote out Natalie. Alexis is no threat in challenges with that leg wound -- and could have wound up getting med-evac'ed in another day or two, the way this season is going -- plus it would have knocked the gross Natalie out of the game.

(I'm not sure I've ever seen a contestant go from invisible to hateful as quickly as Natalie did last week. Parvati's kind of an awful human being too, and the events tonight benefited her, but at least she's been a presence this season, and has played well. I'd rather have to see her go to the end than Natalie.)

What a weird season. Two med-evacs (and Penner's completely changed the game, where James was basically finished unless he want on an immunity run), a third contestant who might as well have been med-evac'ed (Chet), a quit, blindsides left and right and now a contestant in the final five who can barely walk. (NOTE: Whoops. I was thinking of Alexis, who obviously went home tonight. The rest still stands.) Since James gets to be on the jury, I'm assuming there's no change in whether there's a final two or final three, but I hope the entire "Survivor" production team takes a long look at this season and tries to figure out why so many people wound up getting hurt. Penner and Chet both got injured in challenges (Jonathan during the idiotic stick-and-mud race, Chet in the capture the flag thing in the water), Alexis just fell down and I'm not clear how James hurt his finger, but it's frustrating to see the game be changed so much by things that have nothing to do with Outwit/Outlast/Outplay.

Still, much better than last week. Amanda's smirk at the end (pictured above) made the episode worth it all by itself.

What did everybody else think?

Hockey Talkaboot With Pierre LePud

With the Stanley Cup playoffs well under way, THN invites Canadian media baron, impresario, and Divealanche.com founder Pierre Lepud, to discuss a subject close to his heart, the Western Conference Semifinal between the Detroit Red Wings and the Colorado Avalanche.

Greetings, The Hater Nation! I join you today from the province of Quebec (pronounced "keh-BECK") to talk aboot hockey, something my friend NFL Adam assures me you know little aboot.

Have you been watching the Wings/Avalanche series? Of course not you haven't! Ten people, perhaps eleven, have watched this or any other NHL playoff series this year. But so (expletive) what? As long as one of those people is Elisha Cuthbert, we're gonna talk hockey, and if the rest of you hosers don't like it you can bathe my effing puppet.

Fact is, you really should be watching this year's Wings/Avs series. For one thing, as even the most custodial of THN readers knows, Wings/Avs is still the professional sports event most likely to provide footage for upcoming Faces Of Death installments. Forget UFC, where meth-addled clods in unitards demonstrate courtship dances from Riker's Island. The Wings and the Avalanche do not want to sit on each other's faces, they want to kill each other, and it can happen right before your eyes. Indeed, when the camera pans across the ice at Joe Louis Arena, you're never quite sure if that slimy, tentacled mass at center ice is an octopus or Peter Forsberg's hysterectomy.

Secondly, this is the best Wings/Avs series yet.

The other day I was having lunch at L'Queefe (pronounced "luh-kee-FAY") in Montreal (pronounced "mon-RE-all") with my fellow Canadian impresarios Guy Pantaloons, Gordon Pispotte, and Patrice LeFontaine-Dejardins. The subject of hockey came up, of all things, as Patrice put forth the question of what makes a great Wings/Avalanche series. Fifteen minutes of scribbling on cocktail napkins produced the following list of criteria, which I present to you hosers thusly.

Superstition
When an octopus was thrown onto the ice at the beginning of Game 2, Avs new guy Cody "No penalty is too dumb" McLeod snatched it up and angrily hurled it at the stands. The Divealanche lost that game, 5-1, prompting Captain Joe "Milk, toast, and rock 'n' roll" Sakic to declare a new rule to his locker room: "Hey! Don't touch the octopus, hosers!"

Floppa
Peter Forsberg, known lovingly as "Floppa" to his fans, is back, and he's diving all over the place. In fact, the only remaining skill Floppa apparently brought back to the playoffs with him is his ability to defy gravity in search of a cheap power play. During a breakway in game 3, Floppa executed a flawless Triple Lindy after being breathed upon by Johan Franzen. The refs didn't bite, no matter how much Forsberg followed them around the ice whining, the only other of Floppa's talents he appears to still possess.

Aftonbladet
A Swedish word meaning "ostrich meat weiner," Aftonbladet is Sweden's top newspaper and the arch-enemy of LePud Media Enterprises.. They have nothing to do with this series, really. I just like to bitch them whenever I get a soapbox.

Napolean Syndrome
When a team is down 3-0 in a best-of-seven series it means they're getting schooled, right? If you answered "yes" (or are over 5' 2" tall for that matter) don't look for a job in the Denver sports media. As any Denver sports media whore worth his lifts knows, the real reason the Dives are down is because of the ongoing, league-wide NHL conspiracy to deny Colorado's superiority by failing to call a five-minute major resulting in a penalty shot and a game misconduct suspension every time an Avalanche player falls down.

Whining
Adrian Dater in the Denver Post -- "Peter Forsberg had his feet taken out from under him, and looked up for the penalty he felt was sure to come his way. It would give the Avalanche a two- man advantage and a great chance at evening up Game 3 against the Red Wings. The call never came."

You thought I was making it up, didn't you..

Dives Lose
As Divealanche homer Peter McNabb hollers on Altitude Sports broadcasts, "Oooooooh! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!"

Well, that's about all the hockey I have time to talk aboot. Wasn't so hard, was it hosers? Before I go, one more observation for you football pansies to ponder.

Tony Romo is the leader of Dallas' NFL team.
Mike Modano is the leader of Dallas' NHL team
Tonight, somewhere in Dallas, Tony Romo will go home and be greeted by Jessica Simpson.
Tonight, somewhere in Dallas, Mike Modano will go home and be greeted by this...



Now that right there, hosers, is what it's all aboot!

Hail Caesar!

So a few weeks ago, Nerve & IFC teamed up for a list of the 50 greatest comedy sketches ever, and whenever I've had a free moment or just need a pick-me-up, I head on over there to watch one.

Much of the list is of relatively recent vintage, but there's quite a bit of Monty Python (especially near the top), plus Abbott and Costello, Ernie Kovacs and, to my great pleasure, Sid Caesar, about whom I'll have more to say after the jump.

Caesar's stuff -- from "Your Show of Shows" and then "Caesar's Hour" -- goes back practically to the dawn of television, but where the work of a guy like Milton Berle seems corny and antiquated today, the best of Caesar holds up remarkably well almost 60 years later, because Caesar was both smart and lucky enough to hire a writing staff that included, at various points, Mel Brooks, Neil Simon, Carl Reiner, Larry Gelbart, Woody Allen and Mel Tolkin.

The thing you have to understand about Caesar, other than his genius at recognizing talent, was that he and Imogene Coca and Howard Morris and Reiner and the rest of the cast and crew had to put together 90 minutes of live comedy -- with no cue cards or digital shorts or cartoons or any other cheats to help them get through it -- 39 weeks a year. They were hard-core and rarely messed up while the cameras rolled.

The Nerve list had a couple of great Caesar sketches, but it didn't have my absolute favorite, "This Is Your Story." And when I saw Linda Holmes had embedded one of the other sketches, I went on a YouTube hunt for "This Is Your Story," and in the process came across a treasure trove of classic Caesar -- much of it on there to promote the Caesar-on-DVD sets. And what fun would it be to find this stuff if I couldn't share it? So, for your comedy (and procrastination) pleasure, enjoy any or all of the following:
  • The German General, featuring the most famous example of Caesar's double-talk foreign languages
  • Caesar and Nanette Fabray have an argument timed, perfectly, toBeethoven's Fifth
  • This Is Your Story Part 1, and Part 2 -- a spoof, obviously, of "This Is Your Life," with Caesar and Morris taking advantage of the live format as best as they could (part 2 is the classic part, but you need part 1 for the set-up)
  • The Clock -- high-concept, meticulous physical comedy
  • One of the things that set "Your Show of Shows" apart, and helped influence the likes of "SNL," were their elaborate movie parodies, the most famous of which was "From Here to Obscurity," a nearly 20-minute riff on "From Here to Eternity. It's in two parts -- here and here -- and if you don't have time for it all, the legendary part comes around the 4:20 mark of part 2. It's amazing how Caesar keeps a straight face throughout, even though Imogene Coca has to keep hiding her head behind Caesar
Enjoy.