Danica Patrick raced into the record books this weekend at the Indianapolis 500. But not because of her fourth-place finish in the race. Instead, Patrick's four-hour journey at the Brickyard was the longest a woman driver has gone without using her cell phone.
Alright, the jokes are a little stale by now.
But there is a linger question. Is auto racing a sport? What other sport would have a woman dominate during her rookie season? Horse racing? The fact that Patrick was able to not only compete, but come dangerously close to winning the sport�s premiere event should prove to rednecks once and for all that auto racing is not a sport.
This isn't a sexist view. Patrick, and other women, deserves every opportunity to be involved with racing and her skills merit her accomplishments. But you can't imagine a 5-foot-2, 100-pound woman coming off the bench to lead the Patriots to the Super Bowl.
(Though Doug Flutie might prove us wrong this season).
Auto racing takes a lot of skill and dedication over a lot of years. It's just not a sport. Patrick proved that this weekend.
PATRICK EQUALS RATINGS
There are critics that claim that Patrick will become the Tiger Woods of auto racing and point to ABC's 40 percent ratings jump as proof to this claim. Interesting point. But how many new viewers were tuned in with hopes of watching Patrick crash her car?
Probably all of them. Patrick will no doubt spark a lot of interest in the activity and a lot of young girls will take an interest in auto racing.
Will auto racing ever become a national passion? Probably not. Nascar supporters always point to ratings and interest to claim that it's the number two sport in the world. (Which we all know is impossible since it isn't a sport). But those numbers also fall in line with President George Bush's approval ratings. Meaning, that Bush and auto racing will always placate the lowest common denominator in the red states and will never capture the nation's consciousness.
The Indy 500 and Nascar's biggest race (whatever that is) will never become a national event like the Super Bowl or the World Series. Say what you want about baseball being in decline, but the World Series is still the freaking World Series and people will care about it.
Auto racing will never achieve that. Arena Football has a better chance of doing it, but that's not going to happen either. The Indy 500 needed a gimic with Patrick's first race to garner any interest. But once Patrick begins to dominate and blow away the competition (which she will), then the Indy 500 will slink back into obscurity once again.
JERED WEAVER SIGNS
Weaver finally signed with the Angels for $4 million, considerably less than his agent Scott Boras had initially hoped for. It's too bad that the commissioner has been neutered of all of his authoritative powers because the banishment of Boras might be in the "best interest of baseball."
Boras hijacked Weaver's career for one season, a season that he will never get back in his life. Baseball players are playing with a limited career and any time away from their craft can be devastating. Boras might be able to bleed clubs for some extra dollars for his clients, but at what expense to the younger players?
Boras, as far as public interpretation goes, caved in this negotiation and wasted a year of Weaver's life. Yeah, that's in the best interest of the sport.
And what chance does Weaver really have with the Angels fans? Weaver is a good kid with a bad agent. But the fans won't make that distinction. They will perceive Weaver as greedy and his every move will be scrutinized in Anaheim for the rest of his career. Weaver is starting in a no-win situation and will be given little, if any, leway with the fans.
And all for a couple of extra bucks.
Hope it was worth it, Scott.
Tuesday, May 31, 2005
Wednesday, May 25, 2005
Conspiracy!
The NBA conspired against the Lakers and the Clippers in the annual draft lottery on Tuesday night. The Lakers and Clippers did not move up a single space so it's obvious that the whole thing was fixed.
How?
If the Lakers had moved up in the NBA lottery, pundits around the country would have decried that it was indeed a conspiracy to make the Lakers the NBA�s prominent franchise again. The league made sure that the Lakers did not have a chance by removing all of their ping-pong balls. In other words, the NBA conspired to make sure that the lottery didn't look like a conspiracy.
The Clippers also had their ping-pong balls removed because--let's face it--they would only blow a top-three pick anyway. Now the Clippers can enjoy their 20th consecutive season of being just one player away.
Now that the lottery is over, it's time for Southern California basketball fans to go back to ignoring the NBA playoffs. No matter how much ESPN wants to tell us that this is the greatest playoffs in world history. Please. Wake us the next time an NBA player can execute a 20-foot jumper.
MORE IDIOT FANS
Idiot fans are an epidemic in the world of sports, but it is not the exclusivity of the Raiders. One team that is pretty underrated in terms of "IFS" (Idiot Fan Syndrome) is the Miami Dolphins fans.
Dolphins fans strive to be like Raiders fans, but seem to fall woefully short in every occassion. One Dolphins fan posted a rambling, incoherent reply to one of our "Drug Report" last week, despite the fact that his team was only mentioned in passing.
We've always suspected that Dolphins fans had some sort of penis-envy fascination with the Raiders. Now we have the pictures to prove it.
Hey Fun Boys, Get a Room
Who knew that the lead singer of Creed was such a Dolphins fan?
It's fitting that his hairstyle was popular back when the Dolphins were good.
Proof that the Dolphins reach out to Miami's gay community.
Somebody get Don Shula a fireman's hat, because that guy is flaming.
Idiots Should Mark Themselves, Part II
Here is the proof that Dolphins fans are trying to mimic Raiders fans... and failing horribly.
That tatoo looks like it was drawn on with a crayon.
But look at these guys.
They hide these tattoos on their legs. They don't have the balls to put them on their shoulders. That's why they will never reach the legendary status of Raiders fans.
On second thought, maybe those two guys have the right idea. This is just dumb.
In closing, these guys are idiots. But it could be worse. They could have a tattoo of a college mascot from a school they never attended. That would be stupid.
How?
If the Lakers had moved up in the NBA lottery, pundits around the country would have decried that it was indeed a conspiracy to make the Lakers the NBA�s prominent franchise again. The league made sure that the Lakers did not have a chance by removing all of their ping-pong balls. In other words, the NBA conspired to make sure that the lottery didn't look like a conspiracy.
The Clippers also had their ping-pong balls removed because--let's face it--they would only blow a top-three pick anyway. Now the Clippers can enjoy their 20th consecutive season of being just one player away.
Now that the lottery is over, it's time for Southern California basketball fans to go back to ignoring the NBA playoffs. No matter how much ESPN wants to tell us that this is the greatest playoffs in world history. Please. Wake us the next time an NBA player can execute a 20-foot jumper.
MORE IDIOT FANS
Idiot fans are an epidemic in the world of sports, but it is not the exclusivity of the Raiders. One team that is pretty underrated in terms of "IFS" (Idiot Fan Syndrome) is the Miami Dolphins fans.
Dolphins fans strive to be like Raiders fans, but seem to fall woefully short in every occassion. One Dolphins fan posted a rambling, incoherent reply to one of our "Drug Report" last week, despite the fact that his team was only mentioned in passing.
We've always suspected that Dolphins fans had some sort of penis-envy fascination with the Raiders. Now we have the pictures to prove it.
Hey Fun Boys, Get a Room
Who knew that the lead singer of Creed was such a Dolphins fan?
It's fitting that his hairstyle was popular back when the Dolphins were good.
Proof that the Dolphins reach out to Miami's gay community.
Somebody get Don Shula a fireman's hat, because that guy is flaming.
Idiots Should Mark Themselves, Part II
Here is the proof that Dolphins fans are trying to mimic Raiders fans... and failing horribly.
That tatoo looks like it was drawn on with a crayon.
But look at these guys.
They hide these tattoos on their legs. They don't have the balls to put them on their shoulders. That's why they will never reach the legendary status of Raiders fans.
On second thought, maybe those two guys have the right idea. This is just dumb.
In closing, these guys are idiots. But it could be worse. They could have a tattoo of a college mascot from a school they never attended. That would be stupid.
Monday, May 23, 2005
Raiders Fan in the Mist Volume III
The much anticipated Freeway League series kicked off on Friday evening, and no surprise, the Angels took two of three from the Dodgers. But it wasn't all giggles, grins, and Crispy Creme donuts for Angels fans. Especially those dumb enough to make the trip out to Chavez Ravine.
Some people obviously don't read the Hater Nation (but you're in good company with nearly the entire free world).
One reader did make the mistake of going to the Angels-Dodgers game on Friday night and here was his account in Raiders Fans in the Wild, Volume III.
...
I know Dodger Stadium sucks and their fans are idiots... but it was a friend's birthday party and we weren't sitting in the cheap seats; these were $17 reserved seats behind home plate in the upper deck. At least this section would be safe from the Raider element, right?
Wrong.
I immediately felt like Ethan Hawke walking up the steps of the Boyle Heights house in the movie, Training Day, as I started to make the epic climb to my seat. This wasn't the crowd of Star Wars geeks that the smart people were mingling with this weekend. This was like The Cantina scene of the original Star Wars (Episode IV nerds), complete with Guido, Snagletooth, and the other dregs of the galaxy.
It's nice that the Dodgers spent all that money to add those seats in the foul area around home plate. But do you think that they could have earmarked some of that money towards replacing their already dilapidated seats in the upper deck? I now have fiberglass splinters that will likely never purge itself from my butt.
Bad seats, bad crowd, and I won't even get into the fact that the game started at 7:40. That's right, 7:40. Great, that just gives Dodgers fans another reason to still arrive late and leave early. And where is the reception area of the ballpark? Dodger Stadium, for those who have never been, was built haphazardly into the side of a mountain without any thought or planning given. Or so it seems. The stadium has ample wasted acreage that could have easily housed a Hooters, or Catch, but no, they have a gas station. L.A. needs another gas station.
Don't think about having a beer in the parking lot. If the Dodgers fans
don�t shoot you, the lot security will quickly rise to make sure that you are not going to have fun at Dodger Stadium. Who's running the place, Lynndie England?
"No fun" seems to be the motto of Dodger Stadium.
The stadium doesn't have a place to sit and eat food. You can't have a sandwich and a beer in the parking lot. And forget trying to find a restaurant or bar near Dodger Stadium. Unless you want to pull into Letty and Chewy�s backyard, you're out of luck. It's concession lines or bust at Dodger Stadium. And it's fantastic.
It's a minor quible and most East Coast fans will say that Angels fans are spoiled. And they are right. I won't lie about it. Technology has advanced and so have baseball stadiums. You might wax nostalgic about going to a baseball stadium to watch a game. But I get wistful about the times when I could go to games and not fear for my life.
I had just completed a rubbery Dodger dog and was halfway through my overpriced beer when Chone Figgins tripled with the bases loaded to give the Angels a 3-0 lead. I had the audacity to cheer for my team. Stupid me. I was greeted with raining debris from hot dogs, to pennies, to roach clips. I was hooted, hollered, and felt like I was back in high school because somebody said something about "finishing the essay."
It wasn't good-natured ribbing like when a Yankees or Red Sox fan tries to start a fight at Angel Stadium. This was serious. I sat with the same uneasiness as Andy Dufresne in the room full of sodomites in the Shawshank Redemption. I cringed every time a Dodger fan walked at me with his hand cupped. I thought for sure that I was going to be shanked.
I eventually made my way up to the concession stand to construct body armor from those cardboard cup holders. At least I felt a little safer.
The only problem is that the Angels didn't make it any easier as they kicked Dodgers tail, 9-0. The inmates started to get restless. I think I even heard a couple of them chant, "Attica! Attica!" At least the Dodgers fans had some reason to cheer, when Vladamir Guererro was injured "sliding" into home plate. Seriously, it was the biggest ovation of the evening.
That is typical behavior of the Dodger/Raiders fan, to cheer for an injury for the other team. My only concern was that I would be the next one on the disabled list. Seriously.
I know understand why a lot of fans leave early... they are used to strict "visiting hours." Still, I couldn't leave a game early. That's such a Dodgers thing to do. So I sweated out the 9-0 victory (not sweating the game, but my life), and quickly jumped on the 5 Freeway and headed south.
Artie Moreno wants to represent this town and these fans? I've always been ambivalent to the whole name change, but not any more. I understand that Artie wants to increase his global marketing, but attaching yourself to these fans?
I would imagine if Artie sat in the cheap seats of Dodger Stadium this weekend, he would have changed his tune. Not to mention changed the name back to Anaheim.
Some people obviously don't read the Hater Nation (but you're in good company with nearly the entire free world).
One reader did make the mistake of going to the Angels-Dodgers game on Friday night and here was his account in Raiders Fans in the Wild, Volume III.
...
I know Dodger Stadium sucks and their fans are idiots... but it was a friend's birthday party and we weren't sitting in the cheap seats; these were $17 reserved seats behind home plate in the upper deck. At least this section would be safe from the Raider element, right?
Wrong.
I immediately felt like Ethan Hawke walking up the steps of the Boyle Heights house in the movie, Training Day, as I started to make the epic climb to my seat. This wasn't the crowd of Star Wars geeks that the smart people were mingling with this weekend. This was like The Cantina scene of the original Star Wars (Episode IV nerds), complete with Guido, Snagletooth, and the other dregs of the galaxy.
It's nice that the Dodgers spent all that money to add those seats in the foul area around home plate. But do you think that they could have earmarked some of that money towards replacing their already dilapidated seats in the upper deck? I now have fiberglass splinters that will likely never purge itself from my butt.
Bad seats, bad crowd, and I won't even get into the fact that the game started at 7:40. That's right, 7:40. Great, that just gives Dodgers fans another reason to still arrive late and leave early. And where is the reception area of the ballpark? Dodger Stadium, for those who have never been, was built haphazardly into the side of a mountain without any thought or planning given. Or so it seems. The stadium has ample wasted acreage that could have easily housed a Hooters, or Catch, but no, they have a gas station. L.A. needs another gas station.
Don't think about having a beer in the parking lot. If the Dodgers fans
don�t shoot you, the lot security will quickly rise to make sure that you are not going to have fun at Dodger Stadium. Who's running the place, Lynndie England?
"No fun" seems to be the motto of Dodger Stadium.
The stadium doesn't have a place to sit and eat food. You can't have a sandwich and a beer in the parking lot. And forget trying to find a restaurant or bar near Dodger Stadium. Unless you want to pull into Letty and Chewy�s backyard, you're out of luck. It's concession lines or bust at Dodger Stadium. And it's fantastic.
It's a minor quible and most East Coast fans will say that Angels fans are spoiled. And they are right. I won't lie about it. Technology has advanced and so have baseball stadiums. You might wax nostalgic about going to a baseball stadium to watch a game. But I get wistful about the times when I could go to games and not fear for my life.
I had just completed a rubbery Dodger dog and was halfway through my overpriced beer when Chone Figgins tripled with the bases loaded to give the Angels a 3-0 lead. I had the audacity to cheer for my team. Stupid me. I was greeted with raining debris from hot dogs, to pennies, to roach clips. I was hooted, hollered, and felt like I was back in high school because somebody said something about "finishing the essay."
It wasn't good-natured ribbing like when a Yankees or Red Sox fan tries to start a fight at Angel Stadium. This was serious. I sat with the same uneasiness as Andy Dufresne in the room full of sodomites in the Shawshank Redemption. I cringed every time a Dodger fan walked at me with his hand cupped. I thought for sure that I was going to be shanked.
I eventually made my way up to the concession stand to construct body armor from those cardboard cup holders. At least I felt a little safer.
The only problem is that the Angels didn't make it any easier as they kicked Dodgers tail, 9-0. The inmates started to get restless. I think I even heard a couple of them chant, "Attica! Attica!" At least the Dodgers fans had some reason to cheer, when Vladamir Guererro was injured "sliding" into home plate. Seriously, it was the biggest ovation of the evening.
That is typical behavior of the Dodger/Raiders fan, to cheer for an injury for the other team. My only concern was that I would be the next one on the disabled list. Seriously.
I know understand why a lot of fans leave early... they are used to strict "visiting hours." Still, I couldn't leave a game early. That's such a Dodgers thing to do. So I sweated out the 9-0 victory (not sweating the game, but my life), and quickly jumped on the 5 Freeway and headed south.
Artie Moreno wants to represent this town and these fans? I've always been ambivalent to the whole name change, but not any more. I understand that Artie wants to increase his global marketing, but attaching yourself to these fans?
I would imagine if Artie sat in the cheap seats of Dodger Stadium this weekend, he would have changed his tune. Not to mention changed the name back to Anaheim.
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