Breaking NFL News

Philadelphia Eagles defensive end Jerome McDougle was shot in the stomach by armed robbers, police in South Florida said Friday. McDougle was in the bad part of town--known as Miami--when three armed gunmen who demanded that he hand over his silver Mercedes coupe approached him. The suspects fired their weapons when McDougle refused to hand over his vehicle.

McDougle, who has played only 19 games in first two seasons, really does not like training camp. And seriously, only two gunmen could hit him? Who were the other shooters, A.J. Feeley? Gus Frerotte?

The police are looking for this man in connection with the shooting, Washington Redskins safety Sean Taylor (pictured right). Or maybe Brian Blades was back in town. When reached for comment, O.J. Simpson said that he only steals cable nowadays.

Besides, the Juice said that he has never shot anybody.

In short, a former Miami Hurricane (figures) was in the wrong part of town and was shot because he refused to turn over his "bling." How does this even qualify as news? It is unusual for an NFL player to be on the receiving end of a bullet or knife. It is refreshing to see America is finally standing up to that roving gang known as the NFL.

GANNON TO BOOTH

Rich Gannon, an expected first-ballot Hall of Average quarterback, has announced that he will join CBS as a football announcer this fall. However, CBS was forced to put Gannon on the disabled list and Rodney Peete will call the first four games of the season while Gannon recovers from yet another injury.

LAST AND TEN

From the home office in Temple Terrace, Florida, here is the last and ten reasons why Dolphins rookie Manuel Wright was crying at practice on this week:

10. Much like CSI Miami, the Dolphins are a second-rate franchise.
9. Coach Saban said the 2003 LSU Tigers would have whipped USC.
8. Dolphins still pay full price at Shula�s Steakhouse.
7. Found out his NFL contract paid him less than he was earning at USC.
6. Was told that the original Flipper passed away years ago.
5. Have you ever seen the Dolphins practice on offense? You would cry, too.
4. He just found out OJ would not be able to get him free Sunday Ticket.
3. After one day of training camp, he was already tired of hearing about the 1972 Dolphins.
2. He did not hold the laces out.
1. He was not crying, his eyes watered after he hot boxed with Ricky Williams.

And the NFL Hated Playmakers

NFL Blitz has been known as the hardest hitting video game. Now it is setting its sights on the NFL. The league consolidated its video game library down to one title--EA Sports Madden Football--leaving other gamers, ESPN, Blitz, GameDay, and Fever without a license to use NFL marks and players.

Blitz, however, is hitting back.

The game maker teamed with former Playmakers writer Peter Egan to create Blitz: The League which features a team called the "Atlanta Redhawks" led by quarterback Ron Mexico--the infamous pseudonym used by Falcons quarterback Mike Vick. Billed as football meets Grand Theft Auto, Blitz: The League features players who cheat, gamble, and do drugs.

In other words, the gamer can experience what it is like to own the Oakland Raiders sans the white jump suit and grandmother glasses.

It is a good thing that the people of Midway (who produce the game) do not hold a grudge. The game is realistic, but it could be a little better. With the rebirth of THE LAST AND TEN from the defunct NFL Insider magazine, here are the top ten ways to make Blitz: The League more realistic.

10. The starting kicker also deals ecstasy on the side.
9. The boozed up center disappears before the biggest game of the season.
8. Rush Limbaugh criticizes you when you draft a black quarterback.
7. A wide receiver runs over a meter maid on "rookie level," but murders his pregnant girlfriend on the advanced "pro" level.
6. The star running back decides to retire to see the world and smoke pot.
5. The star quarterback must fight off rumors that he is gay.
4. The team's PR director makes a homophobic and racist sensitivity training video.
3. Your team's fans are arrested for stabbing the home team fans in San Diego.
2. A team owner is murdered by his over-the-hill, showgirl wife.

And the number one way to make Blitz: The League more realistic:
The star running back retires to shoot commercials with Alf.

These suggestions are so unrealistic, it is easy to see why the NFL would be offended. We give Blitz about a year.

NFL PENSION NOT WHAT IT USED TO BE

Former Cowboys quarterback Gary Hogeboom (or as Tom Landry said, Hogenbloom) is reported to be on the latest version of Survivor set in Guatemala. So this guy could not beat out Danny White and Steve Pelluer, but thinks he can beat out 15 other media whores?

SHALL WE DANCE?

There is still a controversy surround the ABC mid-summer hit, Dancing With the Stars. Evidentially John O'Hurley cannot believe that he was beaten by the well-endowed former Playmate on a popular soap opera, Kelly Monaco. Scandalous. But the network is making a move to ensure the integrity of the show.

THERE IS CRYING IN FOOTBALL

And it's not just the Raiders fans after another 4-12 season.

Former USC lineman Manuel Wright left Tuesday's practice in tears after being yelled at by Miami coach Nick Saban and then he missed practice on Wednesday because his feelings (or back) were hurt. A guy from USC being a big crybaby? Unprecedented.

AND HAPPY BIRTHDAY

Showgirls star Elizabeth Berkley turns 33 today. The world is still anxiously awaiting the sequel that was alluded to at the end of the movie.

Tim Brown Accepts Award

SPRINGFIELD Tim Brown played nearly two decades in the National Football League. None of them were seemingly memorable. It only makes sense that Brown accepted his nomination to be inducted into the Pro Football Hall of Average on Tuesday morning.

Brown was a reluctant star, obviously aware that his skills were typical when compared to other NFL receivers. Brown played for a long time and put up incredible cumulative numbers. But Brown never stood out among the pack. He never stood head-and-shoulders above his contemporaries in the sport. Brown never broke records or put his team on his back to lead them to the Super Bowl.

In short, Brown seemed average.

That is exactly why the Pro Football Hall of Average was founded. It is a refuge for the consistent player that put up decent numbers but fell just short of being a super star.

"We believe that Tim Brown exemplifies all the things that we consider to be average," founder Mark Anderson said. "Brown was not the flashiest, not the most outspoken, nor the best. He was an average receiver and that is what we are celebrating today.

"Too often we get caught up in receivers who dominated the game, or made a huge difference. Too often we overlook players that just show up, put up decent numbers, and seem to hang around forever. Those are the characteristics that Tim Brown exudes."

Brown joins other Hall of Average receivers such as Andre Reed, Art Monk, Drew Pearson and Sterling Sharpe. Admission into the Pro Football Hall of Average automatically disqualifies Brown from gain admission into the Pro Football Hall of Fame.

Brown and PFHOA founders seemed unconcerned. Brown retired as only the third player to have 1,000 career receptions, while he ranked second all-time in touchdowns (100) and third in receiving yards (14,934). Those numbers seem impressive when compared against the non-pass friendly eras of the early NFL. Brown only averaged 68 receptions for less than 1,000 yards and six touchdowns during his careers. Numbers that show that he was average. With players such as San Diego's Keenan McCardell closing in on 1,000 career receptions, Brown's marks are being called more into question.

"We need to be real here," Anderson said. "Tim Brown, for as average as he was, did not deserve to be in the Pro Football Hall of Fame. That hall is reserved for the best of the best in the NFL. Can you honestly say that Tim Brown was one of the best football players of all-time? Hardly.

"In five years, there could be a handful of guys that have 1,000 receptions. What Brown did was nice, but in a few years nobody will remember that he was only the third guy to surpass 1,000 receptions. If anything, in five years he will seem even more average that he is right now."

The NFL will hold its Pro Football Hall of Average ceremony before the most average preseason game of the season when Arizona travels to Oakland on August 26. NFL commissioner Paul Tagilabue won't make the game, but will send his extraordinarily average henchman to the game. The commissioner noted that Arizona and Oakland have been two of the most middling franchises in the NFL over the past couple of decades so it is only fitting that they would come together to celebrate mediocrity.

"The NFL has thrived on parity for nearly a decade now," NFL PR man Brian Gooberman read in a written statement. "Everywhere you look around the NFL, you see average. Average teams, average players, average publications. It's good to celebrate those that have made the league what it is today... just average."

Just like Tim Brown.