The longest season

So here I was, all prepared to write a column, or a blog entry, or both, on how bored I've been by most of what this season has to offer, when I went to TV Tattle and saw that Melanie McFarland had beaten me to the punch. Few things sting more than having someone write the story I hadn't gotten around to yet.

From that column I wish I'd written (well, except for the parts about Jared Padalecki's hotness):

This season of network television is boring. Not terrible, BO-RING. There's a difference. Terrible television has nothing redeeming about it, and forces us to take up odd projects, like curling or crocheting trousers. Whereas boring television is just decent enough to keep you hanging on in the hopes that this will finally be the week that a show finds its way.

My TiVo Season Pass list is shrinking rapidly. I've given up on TV altogether on Fridays and Saturdays (though the networks beat me to the punch on the latter), and there are other nights where at most I want to watch one or two shows. I've found myself multi-tasking even through the shows I couldn't bear to look away from last season. It was obvious from watching the pilots that there wasn't going to be a "House" or "Veronica Mars" among this year's rookies, but "House" and "Veronica Mars" are two of the few returning shows that still have my attention.

At first, I thought it was just an ongoing post-accident malaise, but I've been hearing the same thing from lots of friends, several of whom, like me, get paid to watch this stuff.

I was excited by the return of "Arrested Development" after baseball-induced hiatus, but every episode these days makes me feel a bit sad, since I know there probably won't be many more of them given the awful ratings. (I actually saw a "story" in the new issue of Inside TV about Fox execs conducting secret talks to turn the show into a movie -- because, of course, that idea worked so well with "Firefly.")

The first half hour was much stronger than the second, with the creative bleeping of "pussy," Michael's hatred of Ann reaching new lows (loved George Michael's exasperated "You've met her on many, many occasions" muttering) as my favorite gags. Episode two was more uneven -- it's taken, what, five episodes for the writers to figure out why Charlize Theron's supposed to be funny? -- but I applauded the surprise return of Annyong, which I'm guessing was a one-shot gag.

"How I Met Your Mother" had a Ted-centric plot, which is a problem, since (say it with me), he's the least interesting, least funny character on the show. Everytime I laughed, it was during the cock-a-mouse subplot. Is it too late to make Jason Segel and Alyson Hannigan the leads and redub the show, "How We Ditched Our Depressing Roommate"?

"Prison Break" edges closer and closer to fulfilling its title, at which point I'll probably escape the show myself, but the gradual expansion of the escapees list was entertaining. On the other hand, Hollywood needs to put a moratorium on ripping off the fake-out finale of "Silence of the Lambs," because no one's even being fooled by it anymore. If you actually thought the house Mikey Palmice and friends were about to storm was Fibonacci's, shame on you.

Come on, TV season. Dazzle me. And soon. Please.