Post Mortem Week 9

Saturday Night Live ran a clip show this week featuring the top commercials of all-time (all though there was too much focus on the most recent years). One of the all-time best shown was Eddie Murphy as the Little Rascals� Buckwheat promoting, �Buh-weet Sings.�

It is a typical star infomercial that displays the title of the songs as Murphy sings it, including classics, "Fee times a mady," and "Wookin por nub." One of the songs becomes so unrecognizable, the title displays a series of questions marks, "?????."

You would have to imagine that the poor soul responsible for typing the closed captioning for the NFL Today on CBS would love the same option when Shannon Sharpe is speaking. Dude makes Deion Sanders sound like George Will.

The other morning show is not much better. Sunday�s telecast featured a pair of Canada�s biggest bimbos, Jillian Barberie and Pamela Anderson. The former Baywatch star promoted the premiere of her series, Stacked, and discussed the NFL�s sexiest man. Something every degenerate gambler wants to hear about moments before the game. Anderson, however, did give a vote of confidence to her boyfriend, Chargers long snapper David Binn, by saying that her favorite was in San Diego.

Win Ugly or Lose Pretty

Woody Harrelson in White Man Can't Jump chastised Wesley Snipes when he said that Snipes would rather look good and lose, than to look bad and win. The Raiders looked impressive on Sunday as they came back from an 11-point deficit to nearly defeat the Kansas City Chiefs. Larry Johnson scored on a 1-yard touchdown plunge with no time remaining to lift the Chiefs to a 27-24 victory. So the Raiders looked sharp as they dropped further into last place and lost their sixth consecutive game to the Chiefs.

The Chargers looked like hell in their 31-26 victory over the New York Jets. The Chargers were in control for most of the game as they almost blew a 15-point lead to Brooks Bollinger. Yes, Brooks Bollinger. The Chargers overcame many Raiders-like penalties and a few turnovers to hang on for the victory. But it was a win and the Chargers climbed above .500 for the first time this season as it headed into the bye week.

Dick Vermeil is the Gambler

What in the name of Matt Leinart got into the mind of Dick Vermeil? Instead of taking the easy way out and going for the tie (Marty Schottenheimer would have), the Chiefs went for the do-or-die run and came away with the win. Nice to see a coach with balls.

Big Day For Green

Did anybody else get sick of all the tributes to Trent Green and his father who passed away? Probably not, because it seemed like a footnote in the telecast. (Especially dwarfed by Vermeil�s play-call at the end.) Compare that to the hoopla that surrounded Brett Favre when his father passed away or last week�s tributes to Wellington Mara (the Pope was less canonized) and it is good to see that the networks and the leagues do not play favorites.

It should be noted that Favre beat the Raiders in the days following his father's passing. Must be a league conspiracy. Or at least Raiders fans will lead you to believe that.

Speaking of Favre, maybe that is his problem this season�the lack of any family drama is causing him to below far below standards. It is a surprise that Mike Sherman has not killed Favre's dog or something at this point of the season.

Terrell Owens Saga Continues On

Are you as sick of T.O. as we are? Cool, moving on �

Letter to Tom Coughlin

Attention (Expletive) hole

You are single-handedly ruining my fantasy team with your (expletive) choice to avoid Tiki Barber on the goal (expletive) line. I figured that you had learned your (expletive) lesson when you lost at Dallas when you gave the ball to the (expletive) rookie. Obviously you have not. I would like for you to rethink your (expletive) position. I realize that you do not care about my fantasy football team. But since I have more (expletive) fantasy football championships than you do Super Bowl titles, I figure that you owe me some (expletive) respect.

(Expletive) you,
The Hater Nation

Would it not be great if you could designate one player from your favorite team who could not play against you in a fantasy league? For instance, if you were a Chargers fan, your opponent could not play LaDainian Tomlinson? It obviously would create a lot more Chargers fans.

But it would kind of suck if you were a Browns fan.

Dear Penthouse Forums

Two Carolina Panthers cheerleaders were arrested early Sunday morning at a Tampa nightclub as reported by Charlotte.com. According to a police report the two cheerleaders were arrested after an incident at Banana Joe's in the city's Channelside district at 2:10 a.m. One cheerleader was charged with battery, the other with disorderly conduct and resisting arrest.

The police report claims the two cheerleaders were having sex with each other in a stall at the bar when other patrons got angry they were taking so long in the bathroom.

The police report identified the cheerleaders by name, but there is some uncertainty about their identities later. According to an earlier police report Kristen Lanier Owen, 22, (blonde) and Angela Ellen Keathley, 26, (brunette) were arrested after an incident at Banana Joe's in the city's Channelside district at 2:10 a.m. One cheerleader was charged with battery, the other with disorderly conduct and resisting arrest.

One cheerleader and another person started arguing and the cheerleader hit that person in the face, according to the report. The other cheerleader was escorted from Banana Joe's and the police report said she was so drunk she could barely stand and described her as rude and belligerent with police. Other Panthers cheerleaders bailed the pair out of the Orient Road Jail late Sunday morning.

A football nation is now praying that this is true. Talk about this on the Hater Nation Forums. Log on by clicking here.

UPDATE: Lanier Owen might have been wrongly fingered in this whole thing. Police are now reporting that it was Renee Thomas (left) who was arrested and gave the name of Owen, making things worse for the Panthers cheerleader. But at this point, does it really matter? A nation anxiously awaits the Smoking Gun photos.