The Post Mortem

Who had the worst Sunday, Steven Jackson or Britney Spears? One looked bloated, unmotivated and disinterested going through the motions.

The other looked like a single mother desperately trying to make an ill-fated comeback. Seriously Britney, who is your personal trainer, Pink?

Now all of you fantasy football owners who drafted Jackson early in your draft probably don�t want to push the panic button just yet, but if Orlando Pace�s shoulder injury is serious, then the St. Louis Football Team is in some serious trouble. Added to the offensive line trouble are injuries to Richie Incognito and veteran Todd Steussie. Pace will go through an MRI on Monday, good luck to St. Louis if the news is bad, though Jay Glazer is reporting that Pace could miss the season. Not that anybody is going to waste any tears crying for that franchise. But what else can Glazer report? He works for one of the worst sports websites ever, so he needs to do something to make people notice him. Otherwise, he's out shilling the IFL with that genius, Frank Algebra.

NORV TURNER ERA
Boy, Norv Turner sure had the Chargers offense flying high in his head-coaching debut. What, gaining more than 200 yards for the game? Of course, the Chargers were playing a motivated Bears defense, and the team was hosed by a horrendous non-call on a blatant offsides by the Bears that resulted in a fumble, but the offense looked horrible. You could reason that if the Chargers did not receive that generous gift of Mike Scifres shank punt, that game could have easily gone the other way.

Thankfully for the Chargers, the Raiders and Chiefs look as miserable as ever. What was Kansas City thinking dumping Trent Green? Teams don�t have to respect the one-dimensional offense (much like the playoffs last year) and they are going to load the box against Larry Johnson. The AFC West could definitely have three teams who could win only four games this season. And Denver, don�t think that you are much better. There were numerous plays by Jay Cutler last year that looked very Jake Plummer-like.

Wow, is 7-9 going to win this division?

PAC-10 RULES
Looks like your college football expert is the one eating the merde sandwich this week. Washington is much better than anticipated. We all knew Jake Locker was going to be something special, but the defense was exceptionally good, really handcuffing Boise State on Saturday. Make no mistake about it, the Huskies are going to beat No. 10 Ohio State on Saturday. Washington probably doesn�t have enough to make it a blowout, but they will win a close game.

Speaking of the Big Ten, Michigan might be the worst team in college football. Oregon, let�s face it, is from the Pac-10 so they are more talented. But where was the heart Michigan? The Wolverines just up and quit, that not only embarrassed half of the state. But Hugh Jackman, who played Wolverine in the X-Men movies, was also deeply disturbed by the performance.

How does Lloyd Carr still have a job?

Arizona State is flying under the radar this season. The Devils started slow against Colorado, but really put a beating on them scoring 33 unanswered points. Dennis Erickson is probably cheating, and probation probably isn�t too far away, but this team is good.

USC is going to have a tough time going through the Pac-10 schedule undefeated. The Pac-10 is loaded this year, and to think otherwise is complete ignorance.

BTW Wisconsin, nobody is forgetting about you, either. UNLV could have won that game. The Running Rebels football program should be so much better than it is. While you don�t want to build a program on moral victories, you had to be impressed with the performance.

• Welcome to the NFL Calvin Johnson. So much for that vaunted Raiders defense. Seriously, if anybody really wanted to put up huge points on the Raiders, they would. But with that offense, nobody has to try.

• How bad is the Cowboys secondary, after it allowed Eli Messiah to just walk through them on Sunday night?

• Do you think Jim Sorgi's Mom was rolling through the channels last night, a few scotches under her belt, when she came across the Messiah on Sunday Night Football? She probably hurled that glass across the room screaming, "Cheese and rice, I can get away from these mother (fornicating) Mannings!"

• Having Joe Buck off of the FOX morning show is a much-needed relief. But he really ruined the broadcast of the Chargers game. He and Troy Aikman complained about Chargers fans complaining of the heat, saying, �Move to St. Louis.� That�s the problem Joe, nobody wants to move from San Diego to St. Louis. Seriously, why couldn�t Joe Buck be Chris Benoit�s son?

• Enjoy Randy Moss while you can New England fan, he will be hurt or pouting within a couple of weeks. Oh, Randy is a joy when things are going well, but once something goes wrong, look out.

• Did anybody else notice that LT�s touchdown run in second half looked kind of like that Nike commercial?

• Jason Elam is married to a former Miss Hawaiian Tropic and Broncos cheerleader. On Sunday you found out why�huge huevos.

• Remember when the Miami vs. Oklahoma game meant something? The bad news is that the Sooners will likely go through the weak Big XII undefeated and get a shot at the SEC or Pac-10 winner. And once again, they will get run out of the stadium.

• The best part of the Notre Dame and Michigan game this week is that somebody is going 0-3.

AND FINALLY
Troy Glaus took HGH to help him return from what was supposed to be a season-ending injury in 2004. Maybe that explains why the Angels were so quick to get rid of him at the end of the season. And that makes sense why the team was so upset with the Sarge Jr. earlier this season. When you think of it, the Angels got rid of its other obvious steroid user, too, David Eckstein. So it�s good to see the Angels take a stand in such a serious issue.