The Post Mortem

We've all been there. You spend a night partying and are welcomed by a call the next morning from your boss, telling you to get your but to work.

Only, most of us weren't expected to put in an MVP-type performance in the Super Bowl. At best, we were asked to bus some tables, make a few extra cold calls, or surf the Internet by pretending to edit for real estate newsletter.

But that is what Max McGee did. McGee was at the tail end of his career in 1966, when he caught only four passes leading in the Packers' journey to Super Bowl I. McGee, figuring that he wasn't going to play in the NFL-AFL Championship Game (as it was called back then), spent Super Bowl Saturday the same way that the Gridiron Apocalypse crew does -- hitting the town and drinking a lot of booze. McGee slipped out of the team hotel after bed check and partied the night away.

McGee was so confident that he wouldn't play, he didn't even bother to bring his helmet out to the game. But you know how this story goes, McGee was called into action -- he had to borrow a linemen's helmet -- with blurred vision, a dry mouth and throbbing headache. Compared to that, the Chiefs defense was a mere cocktail onion. McGee led the Packers with seven receptions for 138 yards and a pair of touchdowns. Remember that the next time you think you are too hung over to go to work. McGee is an inspiration to us all.

If the NFL had a Rat Pack, it would figure that Max McGee would be the ring leader. They just don't make them like McGee anymore. The Packers should honor his memory next Monday by playing with hangovers. Sherman Lewis would if he was still the team's offensive coordinator.

Damn, what is happening to all of the world's great drinking buddies?

• But seriously, what was the guy doing on the roof with a leaf blower? Maybe Mike Ditka should parlay this tragedy at the congressional hearings and say, "You see, jerks! If you paid us former players a higher pention, Max McGee could have hired a Puerto Rican kid from the neighborhood to blow the leaves off the roof."
  
  And then congress could be like, "Damn Ditka, isn't that a little racist? Why does the kid have to be Puerto Rican?"
  
  And then Ditka could be all, "Dude, I'm Iron Mike, man, I can say what I want. Who wants to fight me?"
  
  Man, Ditka is old school.

• So maybe Lane Kiffin isn�t the second coming after all. The Raiders had a neat little two-game winning streak, just like last year, to keep the Raiders fans myopic for the rest of the season, while the rest of us laugh as the dysfunction of the silver and black. And don�t look now, but your Kansas City Chiefs are in first place in the AFC West and have won nine consecutive games against the Raiders. That is just depressing. A friend turned off the Chiefs game a couple of weeks ago because he felt that the Chiefs were one of the worst football teams he has ever seen. Hopefully A.J. Smith is still happy with his choice for Chargers head coach.

• Would have anybody been surprised if Tom Brady showed up after half time showered, in a suit and a super model on each arm? But don't get mad about the Patriots bringing Brady back out to run up the score. At least nobody is talking about Belichick's cheating anymore.

• Cris Collinsworth still believes that the Patriots are the best team in NFL history. Because they beat the Dolphins. That's like some dude playing hours and hours of Madden against the computer and believing that he can beat a real player. The Patriots still have a lot of games to play and they will slip. They always do. Not like you can compare NFL over generations. Hell, it would be hard to compare the Patriots to the 1990s Cowboys because the game has changed that much. This is almost too stupid to talk about. Like maybe they need a new way to stroke the Patriots.

• Has Neil Rackers ever made a game winning kick? Not like the Cardinals get many opportunities. Rackers missed that game against the Bears last year, and then blew it yesterday against the Skins. This after the Kurt Warner Machine led a gutty comeback. But it figures Rackers would miss. He looks like the kind of guy that would order a couple of rounds at the bar and then skip out on the tab while he sneaks out with your girl friend. Which is probably how his Cardinals teammates feel about him today.

• Congratulations to Mike Bironas for kicking eight field goals in a game. That's akin to being valedictorian of traffic school. But don't call this game a "classic." Any game that has eight field goals from one guy is automatically disqualified. This was the kind of game that should make your reevaluate your stance on soccer
  

• Besides, you can't really be considered a kicker unless you act like a Gramatica brother when you win.

• Anybody notice that John Lynch made the emotional plea to his teammates to play for their fallen teammates -- Darrent Williams and Damien Nash -- prior to the game while the cameras were rolling? Yes, prior to the Broncos nationally televised game. Evidentially Lynch didn't care about his departed teammates when the Broncos were playing the Bills. This guy should work on Guiliani's campaign.

• How does Tiki Barber think that the NFC East is the best division in football when the Eagles play in the NFC East. You know, the team that lost at home to the Bears? The Cowboys are a fraud. Eli Messiah -- at last check -- is still the quarterback of the Giants. And the Redskins score about as often as Zach. That division is overrated.

COLLEGE FOOTBALL
If there was any justice in the world, LSU would fall in the polls about three spots. Because that was the precident that was sent when USC won a close game at home. Funny, partisan conference supporters use parity to illustrate the point that their conference is the best. But only the SEC gets the benefit of the doubt in the polls. LSU wins a close game, they leap Boston College. USC wins a close game, they drop three spots. Florida beats an overrated Kentucky team, they get a huge bump in the polls. Rutgers beats South Florida, and they squeak into the Top 25. South Florida, of course, drops from No. 2 to No. 11 after losing on the road to the No. 25 team in the country.

But as stated in this space last week, there is no use belly aching about the polls. LSU is going to lose another game this season, and that should pretty much take the SEC out of the BCS picture. Oregon survived a scare, but won a pretty tough roadie at Washington. Idle Arizona State will play host to reeling Cal. USC? When Notre Dame supporters rejoice because their team only lost by 38 points, that should say something. But let's not crown USC just yet. They proved that they can still non-conference opponents, but haven't really proven that they can handle the tough Pac-10 teams.

• UCLA is the worst team in the Pac 10. The Bruins have more talent than anybody and could probably run the table in the conference. But they lose these b.s. games to Utah or Notre Dame, which kills them in the polls. The Bruins are the ultimate spoilers in the Pac 10 -- not competent enough to do some real damage on their own. In other words, the are the c-blocker of the Pac-10. If UCLA can't get the hot chick in the bar, they are trying to make sure that nobody else can't either.

• Boston College would make a great story, but we can't have too much success for Beantown because they are already beyond annoying.

AND FINALLY
When was the last time the NFL actually had an actual marquee game on Monday Night Football? A game so good, even Tony Kornheighkklyusher couldn't wreck it. (Though, try as he might.)The Jaguars need to be in the discussion of the top NFL teams, and beating the Colts would be a pretty good way to start.

Went with Indianapolis in the picks pool, but the Jaguars seem poised to prove that last year's beat down wasn't a fluke. Still, Gomer is just too good after bye weeks and in October, that you just have to side with the Colts on this one. Besides, the Colts won't fold until the Patriots humiliate them in a few weeks.