Funny Dance Marathon, Day 3

Chicken dance fever from "Arrested Development"

Catching up

Forgot to do the column link yesterday, so a two-fer: today, I write about the "Arrested Development" two-hour finale (I've seen the first 90 minutes, and the first episode is by far the best), and yesterday I did a mailbag dealing with the done-in-one fate of "Emily's Reasons Why Not," a twin theory for "How I Met Your Mother," and some other errata.

Before I get to the quick reviews, a brief rant: A few nights ago, my TiVo stopped recording "The Shield" with a few minutes to go. Fortunately, it only clipped the preview and closing credits, so I didn't pay it much mind. Then last night, it clipped "The Office" with 8 minutes to go, completely deleting the third act. Now, this was the episode they were filming when I did the set visit for my story on the supporting characters, so I knew what was going to happen, but I'm still massively pissed off. And I'm apparently not the only person this keeps happening to. I usually don't bother with the celebrity interviews on "The Daily Show," but Harrison Ford said something very on point the other night: they told us that all this new technology was going to make our lives easier, but all it's done is give us more shit that people need to come to our houses to fix. Now excuse me while I hitch up my pants to my chest and get in line for the early-bird special.

So, TV... I'll start with the oldest and work my way forward this time:

"The Shield" was the first new one I'd seen in a while, since I got the first four a couple of months ago, and boy howdy was it worth the wait. Though it's predictable that Vic will always find a way out of these jams, I still loved watching Forest Whitaker flip out when he realized how badly he'd been played. I don't think Vic has any idea how difficult Kavanagh is going to make his life now. Before, it was just a case to him; now it's vendetta.

Speaking of con jobs, I should have seen Sawyer's stunt with the guns on "Lost" coming before it happened, especially after the scene where he explains the long con to Kim Dickens. (And nice to see her getting some non-"Deadwood" work.) But I was blindsided by it. This was one of the few useful flashbacks we've gotten this season; we didn't learn anything new about Sawyer, but it did at least parallel the island plot better than most have. Meanwhile, the writers seem to have recognized how much everybody hates Charlie and have turned him into a full-blown heel. (I think somebody on TWoP dubbed him "Darth Hoodie.") And we saw practically the entire cast for once, with the exception (I think) of Michael and Libby. Do you think that as Cynthia Watros was going through her whole drunk-driving public humiliation she was asking herself why they even bothered to bring her out to Hawaii in the first place?

I got to see "Veronica Mars" last week as preparation for my Diane Ruggiero profile, but it played just as well the second time, if not better. (The first time around, I didn't totally understand why Weevil was out to frame Thumper.) I like the high school-level mysteries, especially when they get to tie into the ongoing mysteries. Operation: Make Jackie Sympathetic is working like gangbusters, and Wallace's stunt with the baseballs was one of the kindest acts I've seen on TV in a long time. I didn't understand the amount of time being spent showing Logan scamming on some random uninteresting sophomore, but the reveal with her dad was perfect. Enrico Colantoni continues to be amazing; the look on Keith's face when he learned about the fixed game was heartbreaking. And Beaver pulling one over on Dick was sweet as well. Best exchange: "What's your posion?" "Emotionally unavailable women."

"Survivor: Janu Island" continues to be off to a much stronger start than Guatemala. And speaking of which, remember when I suggested that, in the show's history of batshit contestants, Bobby Jon might be the batshittiest? Not anymore; Shane has clearly sewn that title up for many seasons to come. What a drama queen baby. Wow. I'm going to love watching his inevitable demise (I hope). Current favorite players: Bruce (because martial artists are kewl, especially if they're named Bruce), Terry (because he reminds me of Tom from Palau in his superhuman challenge strength), Dan (because astronauts are kewl) and Misty (because missile engineers are kewl, and because she's the only woman contestant who hasn't done anything to annoy me yet). I'm disappointed they merged the four tribes so quickly; I would've loved watching the older women suffer and suffer for their decision to get rid of Tina.

"My Name Is Earl" was one of the better ones, particularly Earl and Randy struggling to understand the laptop ("Hey, it's another porn machine!"), Randy refusing to be paddled and, of course, the bee sting makeup. I'm just annoyed that they didn't let Earl get some. You know, he could've fixed the bus stop and then gone back to the college. There's a line between trying to make a sleazebag likable and just making him a pushover, and I think this show errs too far on the side of making Earl nice and safe.

"Office" I can't comment on until I've seen the final third (thank God for iTunes), and I still need to watch "Everybody Hates Chris" and, much as I don't want to, "The O.C." But this post is long enough already. Later.

"Arrested Development" lives... sort of

From a Fox press release (some spoilers included in the second paragraph):

A two-hour season finale episode of ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT will air Friday, Feb. 10 (8:00-10:00 PM ET/PT) on FOX.

In the season finale, George Sr. hires a new attorney who asks the Bluths to participate in a mock trial to help prepare them for the real thing. The attorney gets actor Judge Reinhold to preside over the mock case. Meanwhile, Buster fakes a coma to get out of testifying and George Michael and Maeby participate in a mock wedding to entertain hospital patients. Back at the office, Michael discovers he may have a long-lost sister named Nellie Bluth (Justine Bateman). In an effort to get to the bottom of things, Michael tracks down Nellie and hires her as a consultant for The Bluth Co. Unfortunately, Michael discovers Nellie�s hands-on approach is more than he bargained for. Meanwhile, Gob goes to Iraq to perform his Christian magic act on the USO tour and ends up incarcerated. Michael learns George Sr. sent Gob to Iraq to burn down the model home he built there, so Michael and Buster fly to Iraq to spring Gob from prison. Together, the Bluth brothers head to the model home, where they make a discovery that could end the family�s legal troubles forever. Back in Orange County, Lucille decides to throw a yacht party to celebrate. The Bluths gather aboard the Queen Mary for a trip that ends up being far from smooth sailing.

Well, it ain't a pickup by Showtime or ABC, but at least we don't have to wait for the DVDs to see the last four episodes. And Fox is doing this in sweeps, no less -- albeit a weird sweeps where everyone is mostly playing dead opposite the Olympics. Feb. 10, not coincidentally, is the night of the opening ceremonies, so Fox is just using "Arrested" as cannon fodder.

Good medicine

Two thousand zero six, party over, oops, out of time... doesn't have quite the ring, does it?

So what does a TV critic do during the last week of the calendar year, when there's nothing new to watch and no news to report because Hollywood is on vacation? Take some vacation time of my own, of course -- which ended up being half-vacation, half sick time, as the daycare germ factory struck our family once again.

When I wasn't taking temperatures or hacking up phlegm, I spent a whole lot of time watching "Scrubs." NBC sent me the new season's first four episodes (my review is here), and boy howdy are they great. Just absurdly wacky stuff. Between them and the first two season boxed sets I dove through during this week, I've almost developed a new appreciation for a show I already loved. It could be absence making the heart grow fonder, or it could be the realization that, with "Arrested Development" pretty much doomed, this is again the standard-bearer for network comedy.

And speaking of "Arrested," they sure went out with a blaze of in-jokes last night, didn't they? Fox originally planned to show the Justine Bateman episode next week, but they've since replaced it with a "House" repeat. That's probably for the best; we'll get to see the last four episodes on DVD, and thematically this was the perfect finale, parodying all the reasons the show hasn't been able to catch on, sweeps gimmicks (gratuitous guest stars, 3D episodes, live episodes), etc., etc., etc. Bonus points to anyone who recognized "Head of the Class" alum Tannis Vallely (daughter of "Arrested" writer/producer Jim) as the casting director who got assaulted by Tobias' glitter package. So funny, so depressing -- especially now that I'm hearing rumors that Fox the TV studio doesn't want to save the show because it might make Fox the TV network look bad. Boo to synergy!

More later today on my end of the year movie and DVD binge.

A most ingenious paradox

This is a tricky time of year to be a daily TV columnist. On the one hand, I have so many midseason shows arriving in the mail that I barely have time to watch them all. (Today's jackpot: the first four episodes of "The Shield" season five.) On the other, I can't write about those until closer to when they air, so I have almost nothing to fill the column with. Other than my top 10 list and our annual Festivus list of TV shows and people who disappointed Matt and me, it's an idea vacuum. Today's column, dealing with a couple of religious news specials and some more speculation on the post-John Spencer "West Wing," may be our last non-list column of the year.

"Arrested Development" was decent, not great last night. The J. Walter Weatherman's lessons gag is played, and we got three different lessons-within-lessons last night. Glad to see the return of Bob Loblaw (and the introduction of the Bob Loblaw Law Blog), plus the return of Tobias' gay single entendres, and even the brief snippets of the GOB/Franklin "It's not easy being white" duet, but overall, pretty meh.

"How I Met Your Mother" is about to have to do some fancy footwork. Either the producers saw that they had underestimated the level of Ted/Robin chemistry or someone at the network started sending very angry notes on the subject, because it's clear that, whatever Future Ted may have said about "Aunt Robin" in the past, the two of them are going to get together, and soon. Maybe we discover that Future Ted has been playing a large mindgame on his kids, and that Robin's name isn't really Robin so they wouldn't realize their dad was talking about their mom. But, like the other really strong episodes (the one at the nightclub, the one with Drunk Ted), the writers stuck to a single plotline and made Present Ted as upbeat as possible. Best moment: Marshall running out of the fog to the strains of "You Give Love a Bad Name."

I also half-watched "Two and a Half Men," which Marian enjoys more than I do but isn't bad. Senses-jolting moment: when I realized that Alan's hot but insane girlfriend was played by Josie Davis, the wallflower middle sister from "Charles in Charge" (aka "Bob Loblaw in Charge"). And, apparently, I've seen her before in things like "Titans" and the awful "LA Law" reunion movie without recognizing her. It's one thing for a former child star to turn hot in front of your eyes (Natalie Portman, the pre-anorexia Lindsay Lohan), but to have one disappear and turn up as a babe 15 years later? Unsettling.

Getting back to midseason for a second, I already blogged about "The Unit," and I got to see the excellent pilot for "Book of Daniel" (Vicodin-addicted minister pals around with Jesus) six months ago. In the last few days, I watched "Courting Alex," the new Jenna Elfman sitcom where she essentially plays Greg to Josh Randall's Dharma. Not a lot there, but if Randall starts wearing his "Vote Dukakis '88" t-shirt, I might be willing to give it another look. I hated Julia Louis-Drefyus' "The New Adventures of Old Christine," but Marian laughed hysterically at it, so either it's a show with a large gender skew or her standards have really dropped since sitcoms went into the tank at the end of the '90s.

And the "Chronicles of Narnia" rap remains firmly lodged in my head. "Google Maps is the best! True dat! DOUBLE TRUE!"

Greetings from Sick City

Julia picked up a bug from the ol' germ factory (aka daycare), which is why I've been too busy to blog until today.

Reading is fundamental (a fact I learned from watching TV), and Sunday night I was so absorbed in finishing off "All the Stars Came Out That Night" (a novel imagining a secret all-star game between Major League and Negro League ballplayers in 1934) that I didn't see anything but "West Wing." (Short version on that: Santos' speech was a nice piece of writing by Debra Cahn, but I thought the direction of the scene was pretty sledge hammery, especially the slow clap at the end. Only underdog sports movies should have slow claps.)

So the next morning, I was about 15 minutes into the "Curb Your Enthusiasm" season finale when my friend Phil called. Since we talk about "Curb" ever Monday morning, I quickly told him where I was in the episode. He paused and said, "Finish it and call me. Trust me: you'll need to call me." The man was right; when they cut from Larry being wheeled into surgery to Larry on his deathbed (with a brief stop for Richard Lewis in paradise), I said, "Holy shit, it's the series finale and Larry kept it a secret from everyone!" The Larry-as-gentile montage and the brief stop in Heaven weren't enough to redeem this lousy season, but had Larry stayed dead, I would have considered it one of the more perfect series finales ever. Instead, they brought him back to life and left things open for more seasons. Sigh... (In today's column, I write a little more about this, including a comment from HBO about the show's status.)

"Grey's Anatomy" is so consistent in both its goodness and what makes it good that I don't have much to say about the latest episode. That brings me to the bittersweet return of "Arrested Development" and "Kitchen Confidential" last night. I'd already seen the next three of the latter (I wrote about 'em in yesterday's column), and while this wasn't my favorite of those three, Jim's shell-shocked recounting of being beaten by the Frenchmen ("they were all smoking...") makes me laugh every time I see it.

"Arrested," meanwhile, finally, finally figured out what to do with Charlize Theron, right as she was leaving. Yeah, maybe her earlier episodes will be funnier in retrospect when I watch the DVD collection, but this was a joke they should have revealed at the end of her first episode, not her fourth. Best gags:

• George Michael's video opening with the familiar footage of his lightsaber practice, followed by him mumbling that he should probably invest in a second tape;
• The pixellation of Buster's stump;
• Tobias' paralysis (and it's been so long since the last episode that I can't even remember if this was set up previously);
• Rita diving into bed like a five-year-old after Michael promised sexual relations after the wedding;
  
• The "Being There" homage at the end, followed by one of the greatest "Next... on Arrested Development" sequences ever. ("Why can't I go into the pool?!?!?!!?")

Excuse me. I have to go smear blue handprints on my walls, then wipe a runny nose.

Mr. F takes down the Bluths

Well, this is depressing, but not the least bit surprising. According to Joe Adalian at Daily Variety, "Arrested Development" is basically dead:

Fox has cut back its episode order on one of TV's most critically praised shows to just 13 segs, down from 22. Skein, from 20th Century Fox TV and creator Mitch Hurwitz, has also been pulled from the schedule for the rest of the month, another sign that the network may have finally given up on trying to bring an audience to the show.

And adding insult to injury:

News was nearly as grim for "Arrested's" Monday night companion, the Darren Star-produced "Kitchen Confidential." It's also been pulled for sweeps, and producers have been told the show won't be getting a full-season pickup.

I got over taking these things too hard a long time ago. The very first pilot that I watched in my very first year as a critic was "EZ Streets," which is still one of the two or three best TV shows I've ever seen. Dead on contact. Two years after that, I got my heart broken by "Cupid." Then there were "Freaks and Geeks," and "Titus," and "Greg the Bunny," and... well, you get the point. All my darlings end prematurely, and I've long since accepted my role as the Angel of Death. Frankly, I had assumed that "Arrested" would be canceled in half a season. The fact that I got more than two years of it was a pleasant surprise. Time to pre-order that DVD.

I only wish I had known about the move before I wrote my column about how boring this season has been. And, yes, I already said I probably wasn't going to do it because Melanie McFarland beat me to the punch, but Melanie encouraged me to go for it, anyway, and I didn't have a better idea for Friday, especially since I had already reviewed the "SNL" in the '80s documentary yesterday.

Comments on "Lost," "Veronica Mars," "Survivor" and the rest of Thursday TV later today.

The longest season

So here I was, all prepared to write a column, or a blog entry, or both, on how bored I've been by most of what this season has to offer, when I went to TV Tattle and saw that Melanie McFarland had beaten me to the punch. Few things sting more than having someone write the story I hadn't gotten around to yet.

From that column I wish I'd written (well, except for the parts about Jared Padalecki's hotness):

This season of network television is boring. Not terrible, BO-RING. There's a difference. Terrible television has nothing redeeming about it, and forces us to take up odd projects, like curling or crocheting trousers. Whereas boring television is just decent enough to keep you hanging on in the hopes that this will finally be the week that a show finds its way.

My TiVo Season Pass list is shrinking rapidly. I've given up on TV altogether on Fridays and Saturdays (though the networks beat me to the punch on the latter), and there are other nights where at most I want to watch one or two shows. I've found myself multi-tasking even through the shows I couldn't bear to look away from last season. It was obvious from watching the pilots that there wasn't going to be a "House" or "Veronica Mars" among this year's rookies, but "House" and "Veronica Mars" are two of the few returning shows that still have my attention.

At first, I thought it was just an ongoing post-accident malaise, but I've been hearing the same thing from lots of friends, several of whom, like me, get paid to watch this stuff.

I was excited by the return of "Arrested Development" after baseball-induced hiatus, but every episode these days makes me feel a bit sad, since I know there probably won't be many more of them given the awful ratings. (I actually saw a "story" in the new issue of Inside TV about Fox execs conducting secret talks to turn the show into a movie -- because, of course, that idea worked so well with "Firefly.")

The first half hour was much stronger than the second, with the creative bleeping of "pussy," Michael's hatred of Ann reaching new lows (loved George Michael's exasperated "You've met her on many, many occasions" muttering) as my favorite gags. Episode two was more uneven -- it's taken, what, five episodes for the writers to figure out why Charlize Theron's supposed to be funny? -- but I applauded the surprise return of Annyong, which I'm guessing was a one-shot gag.

"How I Met Your Mother" had a Ted-centric plot, which is a problem, since (say it with me), he's the least interesting, least funny character on the show. Everytime I laughed, it was during the cock-a-mouse subplot. Is it too late to make Jason Segel and Alyson Hannigan the leads and redub the show, "How We Ditched Our Depressing Roommate"?

"Prison Break" edges closer and closer to fulfilling its title, at which point I'll probably escape the show myself, but the gradual expansion of the escapees list was entertaining. On the other hand, Hollywood needs to put a moratorium on ripping off the fake-out finale of "Silence of the Lambs," because no one's even being fooled by it anymore. If you actually thought the house Mikey Palmice and friends were about to storm was Fibonacci's, shame on you.

Come on, TV season. Dazzle me. And soon. Please.