Roger Clemens

Greetings, it's your old pal McLean Stevenson here, the king of career choices. Being the king allows me to make fun of other people who are making bigger mistakes than I ever did. This is the part where I would link back to my own personal blog, but I don't update it because I have a life.

Just kidding. It's because I'm dead, people. How do you still not get this?

Congratulations to Roger Clemens. Nobody considers you a steroid-abusing (expletive) anymore. You have now joined the ranks of pedophile. Clemens is believed to have had an affair with Mindy McCready.

But Clemens wants you to know that he did not have a sexual relationship with McCready. Clemens has been so forthcoming in the rest of his life that there really is no reason to doubt him here when he says that his relationship with McCready was not inappropriate .

But here�s the rub, is having any relationship with a 15-year old girl a appropriate? Does anybody else feel good about the explanation? What does a professional baseball player talk about with a 15-year-old girl in the 1990s?

�Mindy, I really think I�m losing some steam on my fastball. The pressure of being a professional athlete is really getting to me. What do you think?�

�Oh my God, did you see Beverly Hills 90210 last night? Brandon is so hot.�

The amazing thing isn�t that he was having an affair with a 15-year-old girl 10 years ago, but rather that he could spend 15 minutes with a teenage girl. This normally wouldn�t hurt your vocation if you were making music or movies, but this likely will have a significant impact on your baseball career. I have to go thumbs down. McCready also gets a thumbs down for getting all of this publicity without having to get naked for Playboy.

The Redskins Decision to Send Cheerleaders to India

Greetings, it's your old pal McLean Stevenson here, the king of career choices. Being the king allows me to make fun of other people who are making bigger mistakes than I ever did. This is the part where I would link back to my own personal blog, but I don't update it because I have a life. Just kidding. It's because I'm dead, people. How do you still not get this?

The Redskins Cheerleaders are in India to create the first-ever cheerleading squad in that country for the Royal Challengers Bangalore, part of the new Indian Premier League (IPL). And I'm guessing it is cricket team.

But as you can imagine, the locals aren't too keen on the cheerleading broads, even though they were once called the hottest in the league by the fabulous Michael Strahan. The Redskins appearance even drew protests from some of the Indian residents who called them a part of an "alien culture."

What, do you mean that Indians didn't destroy an entire culture and then name their sports teams after them? There are no Prancing Paki's of New Delhi? If the NFL is going to send cheerleaders overseas to help promote a global game, why do you pick a team with a nickname that is consider offensive by some? You had to know that the Indian culture might be a little resistant to the American influence of having cheerleaders, but sending over a team with "Redskins" blazon on their chest might not have been the best move.

How can anybody be this stupid? This would be like Major League Baseball trying to promote it's game in Japan by sending over boxes of "Horry Kow" T-shirts. (Although, if the Japanese are that upset about this, they can take another tour of the U.S.S. Arizona. I served in the Navy in World War II before going to Northwestern.)

Congratulations, Redskins. For so long you have just been our little secret like a racist uncle who makes blue jokes at Thanksgiving. But now you have a billion people who hate you now. I give this a stern thumbs down.

Andy Pettitte

Greetings, it's your old pal McLean Stevenson here, the king of career choices. Being the king allows me to make fun of other people who are making bigger mistakes than I ever did. This is the part where I would link back to my own personal blog, but I don't update it because I have a life. Just kidding. It's because I'm dead, people. How do you still now get this?

Andy Pettitte � to coin a phrase from Johnny Dangerously � is trying to go legit. Pettitte read an apology for HGH use that probably even Amy Fisher felt was kind of insincere. Pettitte is going the anti-Pete Rose route by trying to be accountable for his actions.

And that�s what you always hear from sports broadcasters and writers; America is a forgiving culture. Admit that you are wrong and all is forgiven. Just look at Jason Giambi. He never hears steroids chants anymore.

The feeling is that Pettitte, because of his admission, will receive better treatment than his lover Roger Clemens, Barry Bonds, Eric Gagne and Rafael Palmeiro. And that�s true. Mainly because those guys are stars.

The thing that rubbed me the wrong way, however, as that Pettitte said that he didn�t use HGH to gain a competitive advantage. Uh, then why did he use it? Does he not know what HGH was supposed to do? Either Pettitte is still lying about his intentions or he is a complete moron.

The guy does play for the Yankees so the later isn�t out of the question.

Pettitte did point out that HGH was not banned from baseball. But obtaining it without a prescription is. Carrying a concealed handgun might not be against the rules of baseball, but that doesn�t mean you can gun down a runner after he hits one up the middle. Pettitte cheated to get ahead. Until he is willing to admit that much, I will have to give him a thumbs down.

Ricky Williams

Greetings, it's your old pal McLean Stevenson here, the king of career choices. Being the king allows me to make fun of other people who are making bigger mistakes than I ever did. This is the part where I would link back to my own personal blog, but I don't update it because I have a life. Just kidding. It's because I'm dead, people. How do you still now get this?

But anyway, I was kicking around the old Match Game set here in Heaven, when I ran into Kevin DuBrow (hair still looks great) in the commissary. Damn that guy can still belt out �Bang Your Head.� All the meth heads who died in the 1980s on the Sunset Strip, including River Phoenix, have been hounding this guy all day. Like he just got here, leave him alone. But anyway, Kevin told me that Ricky Williams was making a comeback today on Monday Night Football.

I tuned in during the second quarter and the Williams' comeback was already over. Even Priest Holmes thought that was fast. Was Ricky concerned that there were a few people left on the planet Earth who didn�t think of him as a burnout with no heart? Because he has them all convinced now. He can�t be making enough money to justify this. Ricky should tried out for the Surreal Life because at least they don�t hurt people there. Unless, of course, he was asked to shack up with Danny Bonaduce or something.

Bad move, thumbs down.

Reggie Theus

Greetings haters, it is your pal, McLean Stevenson here to break down yet another college basketball coach going to the pros. You all know me, I�m all for the money grab in college sports. Especially for guys like Billy Donovan and Nick Saban who will always have a job in college sports no matter what they do in sports. But there is something fishy about Theus who went from playing a coach on television to leading New Mexico State to the NCAA Tournament. (Even giving Texas a run for its money.)

Theus went for the quick fix in Las Cruces , bringing in transfers for a quick turnaround, instead of building for long-term success. (Although NMSU does have a great recruit in Herb Pope.) Theus made no secret of his desires to be the coach at UNLV (where he played in college), but the Runnin� Rebels are quite happy with Lon Kruger, who received an extension. So Theus took the money and ran to the NBA.

That�s cool for coaches who have put in some time and earned it, but Theus should have taken some time and actually learned how to coach. This is going to end horribly for Theus and he likely won�t get another shot with a high-profile college program because they will always question his commitment. Specially for a guy his players called "Hollywood," like he was looking to star in the urban version of Top Gun.