Alyssa Milano

Greetings, it's your old pal McLean Stevenson here, the king of career choices. Being the king allows me to make fun of other people who are making bigger mistakes than I ever did. This is the part where I would link back to my own personal blog. But I don't update my own blog because I have a life.

Just kidding. It's because I'm dead, people. How do you still not get this?

Alyssa Milano is moving on to the NFL.

Not that way, you jerks. Her clothing line is expanding to include the NFL. I have got to agree with Cali Tejano here that you probably won�t see many female Raiders fans wearing this kind of garb. Unless her line expands to flannel shirts and wife beaters.

And maybe a couple of extra sizes, too.

Maybe the Raiders aren�t the right team to market to, especially since most Raiders clothing is acquired via the five-finger discount. Or welfare stamps. But on closer inspection, it seems that those earrings and necklaces also could double as electric monitoring equipment for Raiders fans serving their sentence under house arrest. That�s sure genius of her to combine two great passions in Raiders fans lives, crime and gaudy jewelry.

I have to give her the thumbs up.

Chad Johnson

Greetings, it's your old pal McLean Stevenson here, the king of career choices. Being the king allows me to make fun of other people who are making bigger mistakes than I ever did. This is the part where I would link back to my own personal blog, but I don't update it because I have a life.

Just kidding. It's because I'm dead, people. How do you still now get this?

I agree with Chad Johnson for not wanting to go to voluntary workouts. The Bengals need recognize that Johnson sells the tickets and show him some love immediately. There's nothing worse than having some other co-workers -- some not as talented co-workers -- getting all of the lines an accolades that you so richly deserve. When I first tried out for M*A*S*H, I thought I was going to play Hawkeye.

I mean, didn't they recognize my genius in That Girl?

I instead took the role of Henry Blake and quickly became the star. I was the reason that the show was such a runaway success. But all of a sudden, I was playing second-fiddle to that jackass Alan Alda and his portrayal of Hawkeye. But that jerk couldn't carry my stethoscope. (And if you ask me, that T.J. Houshmawhatsmyname reminds me a lot of that creep Alda.) I finally had enough and asked out of my contract.

And it worked out great. Sure, ended up walking out on one of the greatest shows in T.V. history but I was the freaking star of Hello, Larry. But Chad, at least you don't have to worry about that in Cincinnati.

So you do your thing, Chad. Get traded and get paid. Get the love that you deserve. But one piece of advice, when the team announces that you have been traded ... be sure they get it correct on the first take.

Michael Strahan

I'm giving you THN fans a two-for today, because I'm trying desperately to get out of my contract here. I know, shouldn't I know better? Well, I don't think I have any worry about this blog ever becoming something, so it seems safe.

Now, could somebody please explain to me what Michael Strahan is famous for, other than being the long lost son of Ester Rolle? Sure, he has that bogus single-season sack record, but what else has he done? I'm struggling to figure out why so much print and air-time is devoted to Strahan's possible retirement. Like he is some kind of Hall of Famer or something. I was cracking a beer with Lamar Lundy just a couple of weeks ago, and he said that Strahan didn't have the skills to be a tackling dummy for the Fearsome Foursome.

Strahan also fancies himself as having a television career following his playing days. Like a lisping version of Tiki Barber or something. The best he could hope for is that some producer remakes the Match Game, because the show would need another Charles Nelson Riley.

So I give him a thumbs up and support for his hold out. You go, girl!

JaMarcus Russell

Greetings, it's your old pal McLean Stevenson here, the king of career choices and being the king allows me to make fun of other people who are making bigger mistakes than I ever did. This is the part where I would link back to my own personal blog, but I don't update it because I have a life. Just kidding. It's because I'm dead, people. I only make rare appearances here because the traffic from heaven is, frankly, hell. (Thankfully, Hal Fishman has offered to give me a ride back to heaven today on his plane, so I'm all good there.)

Anyway, let's move on to JaMarcus Russell. His career already started behind the eight-ball because he was drafted by the Raiders, meaning he will receive no coaching. Lane Kiffin took a program that was unbeatable a few years ago and then lost to Texas in the Rose Bowl and lost to UCLA last season, preventing another national championship. That is why I am applauding this move. Most of the time, you don't want a quarterback to miss any training camp because they have to learn the playbook and get up to speed. The less time Russell spends in Raiders camp, the better off he will be.

The best possible solution here is that Russell misses all of training camp and sits on the bench for the entire season. Then he goes out and struggles during his second year, prompting the Raiders to cut him. Russell can then move on to another team where he will receive some actual instruction and the opportunity to be a real NFL quarterback. No, this is a very coy move by Russell and one that I enthusiastically give a thumbs up.