Super Bowl Buzz Kill

Why your team won't win the Super Bowl:



Running back Kevin Jones may be one of the most underrated running backs in the NFL. So look for new offensive coordinator Mike Martz to refuse to run the ball with him as the Lions try to get the ball to receivers Mike Williams, Charles Rogers and Corey Bradford. Jones should look at the bright side, at least his career will be prolonged as he will only touch the ball about eight times a game. Heck, if he plays his cards right, he could end up like Marcus Allen who translated a part-time career into a Pro Football Hall of Fame induction.

The key on offense will come down to quarterback Josh McCown. No, not because he is going to beat out journeyman Jon Kitna. No, Martz has a tendency to get his quarterbacks killed. Hell, Trent Green didn't even make it out of the preseason during Martz�s first year in St. Louis in 1999.

It�s a shame for the Lions, too, considering that the defense should be improved under head coach Rod Marinelli's cover-two system. Damn, imagine how potent the defense could be if GM Matt Millen ever used a first-round pick on defense. (Well, at least before they drafted linebacker Huey Richardson this year�just kidding, it was Andre Wadsworth.)


Other previews: Jets, Texans, Vikings, Jaguars, Bills, Eagles, Bears, Buccaneers, Chiefs, Falcons, Raven and Titans.

I hate baseball

Dear ESPN/Baseball Broadcasting Jackasses,

Is it really, really THAT necessary to show a close up of a differing a-hole Red Sox fan in between EVERY freaking pitch? I made the mistake of flipping to the last two innings of the Boston-NY game Sunday night. I thought the game, like all baseball games the past 15 years, would put me to sleep. It did, but I fell asleep angry.

I can�t imagine a place I'd less rather be at that than a stadium full of Boston fans. Even a Packers game on a sweltering afternoon in August would be more pleasant by comparison. Every Sox fan thinks they have to wear a tattered hat and/or jersey to show how cool and trendy they are. Got it. You've been a fan forever.

Sox fans also think that the late innings of a mid-August game are the most important thing ever, and you need to get freaked out over every at-bat. Whatever, ladies. The 92nd Boston-NY game of the year is not that important to the rest of us. Really, it isn't. We get it ESPN, Boston's a bunch of trend-following, self-important, ugly-assed, neurotic losers. You really don�t need to keep reminding us with a different close-up of some ass-clown every five seconds. Please stop.

THE MF'ING BISH�S FRESH TAKE OF THE WEEK AWARD

Jim Nantz, on hearing that golfer Luke Donald went out to see Snakes on a Plane on Saturday night: �And now he�s got a Tiger on the golf course.� (Followed by total silence. Even the Irish a-hole was speechless.)

Dude, you suck.

You suck at golf with your patronizing, John Tesh-wannabe persona (without the musical chops) and you suck even more trying to come across as a man�s man when you do football games. You�re 100 percent phony.

Please go the route of fellow pervert Pat O'Brien � leave the sports to others and go move to kissing ass on the entertainment TV circuit or something. Jerk.

The Post Mortem

Angels manager Mike Scioscia seems to have a quick hook with pitchers, always pulling them out one inning too early. So it should come as no shock that he pulled interim manager Ron Roenicke after a glorious three-game winning streak, not giving his old friend a chance to extend his streak on Sunday.

And it almost cost the Angels, too, had they not been playing the Seattle Mariners�a team the Rally Monkey could have managed to sweep. The Angels actually rallied from a two-run deficit to win on Sunday. Good thing, too.

How bad are the Mariners? They have lost 20 consecutive games against division opponents and, you know what, it�s kind of nice. The Yankees and Red Sox have feasted for years on some of the bottom feeders in the AL East. It�s nice for Seattle to be so considerate of its AL West compatriots.

• Had a chance to see Jered Weaver live for the first time since he struck out the first 10 USC batters during his junior season at Long Beach State. (Yeah, seriously, what too so long, right?) In that game against the Trojans, the leadoff hitter fouled off Weaver�s first pitch. USC did not so much as touch the ball until the fourth inning after that. Blair Field was sold out that night, with about 500 extra people (including a Long Beach fire truck) on a hill outside of the park. Angels Stadium is starting to build that sort of must-see atmosphere when Weaver pitches. A kind of excitement that hasn�t been seen for a rookie since Wally World erupted in the 1980s. It will be a circus on Weaver's next start on Thursday against the Red Sox.

• Great game by the Red Sox on Sunday night. Sure, the team might have lost, but at least they held the Yankees to single digits. Progress, right?

• The Yankees have won the first four games of the series. And they couldn�t do that in the 2004 playoffs? It�s not hard to imagine that many Red Sox fans would trade in that World Series title in exchange for the Sports Dork never writing his, �So I Can Die in Peace,� book.

• How bad are the 49ers right now, looking that awful against the juggernaut Raiders?

• Reggie Bush looked awesome for the Texans this weekend. Oh wait, it wasn�t Bush, but sixth-round pick Wali Lundy. The former Virginia star dominated the St. Louis defense on Saturday night and looked pretty good, rushing for nearly 100 yards. The Texans had better hope that Lundy emerges as the second coming of Terrell Davis. The AP reported that Texans defensive end Mario Williams, the guy they drafted instead of Bush, had a great game by knocking down one pass against St. Louis. Hey, that�s great. Why Bush turns into the next Gayle Sayers, the Texans can celebrated a batted ball.

AND FINALLY
Heard on the radio this morning that Lions receiver Mike Williams is fined $400 for every pound he is over the Lions prescribed weight. Williams is believed to be about 10 pounds over his target goal, costing him $4,000. Could you imagine if the PGA had something similar? Maybe that could keep Phil Mickelson from going Mama Cass every time Tiger is leading a major.