Will they or won't... oh, wait a minute

On Fox's "Standoff," which debuts tomorrow night:

I'M ALL IN FAVOR of TV shows that dispense with the tired-to-the-point-of-comatose "will they or won't they?" Unresolved Sexual Tension gimmick, but the new Fox drama "Standoff" (tomorrow, 9 p.m., Ch. 5) goes even a step further than I would.

The story of two FBI hostage negotiators whose secret romance gets outed to complicate their work life, "Standoff" doesn't even bother to draw out the secret for more than three minutes, and skips past the start of the relationship. Forget "will they or won't they?" Here, it's "when exactly did they?"

Ron Livingston, the immensely likable regular guy actor from "Office Space" and "Band of Brothers," plays Matt Flannery, who in attempting to defuse a hostage crisis in the show's opening scene, admits over an open radio channel that he's been sleeping with partner Emily Lehman (Jersey native Rosemarie DeWitt, granddaughter of "Cinderella Man" hero James Braddock) for the last three months, against Bureau protocol. The crisis is resolved without anybody dying, and Matt, greeted with eye-daggers from Emily, shrugs and says, "What!"

This is followed by some harrumphing from their boss (and Matt's ex-partner), Cheryl Carrera (Gina Torres from "Firefly," wasted as the stock Disapproving Minority Captain), some ribbing by gung-ho tactical team leader Frank Perry (Michael Cudlitz), and bickering between Matt and Emily over whether they should stay partners, lovers, both or neither.

Problem is, while Livingston and DeWitt have nice chemistry together, it's hard to shake the feeling that this should have all happened in the second episode, or the sixth, both to have some fun with how they decided to dip their pens in the company ink and to give us a foundation to actually care about whether or not they break up.

To read the full column (which also includes a dissection of the inaugural MyNetwork TV offerings and whether they achieve "so bad it's good" status), click here. Happy Labor Day. Off to throw my daughter the best (albeit only) three-year-old birthday party she's ever had.

Super Bowl Buzz Kill

Why your team won�t win the Super Bowl:





When it comes to the Super Bowl, the Bengals are more cursed then Vincent Price�s Tiki idol. Never mind the fact that the Bengals have faced the best quarterback in Super Bowl history in both trips to the big game. There is always something that seems to go wrong for the Bengals.

The Bengals couldn�t hold onto the ball in Super Bowl 16, Stanley Wilson decided to pull a Dave Chappelle the night before Super Bowl 23 and Tim Krumrie broke his leg (in Theisman-like fashion) during the game. So when Carson Palmer was injured during the opening minutes of the Bengals playoff loss to the Steelers, it was no surprise. In fact, if the Bengals get close to the Super Bowl again this season, expect an anvil to fall out of the sky and break Chad Johnson�s foot.

Alright, here are the gratuitous Bengals/prison jokes:

The team would have a better chance if Michael Scofield could design a way to break all of the Bengals in prison.

Heard that the team signed Paul Crewe as a backup quarterback.

Happy now?



Other previews: Jets, Browns, Texans, Vikings, Jaguars, Bills, Eagles, Bears, Buccaneers, Chiefs, Falcons, Raven, Titans, Lions, Giants, Saints and Panthers.

The Weak Ender

Welcome to a special edition of the Weak Ender!

Labor Day weekend will always have a special meaning to THN. For years it meant the kickoff of the NFL season, but that was taken away. But now Labor Day is about the Florida State and Miami game. And nobody could be happier. It was Labor Day one year ago that the world was introduced to Cowgirl. It is a day so momentous, it should be a national holiday.

And people knock Brent Lushburger all the time, but he was the one who made the quip that got her discovered. So maybe it�s time to give Lushburger some credit and stop making him the but of jokes. He did the world a valuable service.


So pour toast with a cold one in honor of ol� Lushburger tonight.

• Terrell Owens made his Cowboys debut on Thursday night. Not impressive. T.O. didn't yell at his quarterback once. Obviously he is not in mid-season form. At least Mike Vanderjagt provided some entertainment as he missed two overtime field goals showing that he is already in postseason form. If he keeps that up, a suicide watch will be issued for Dallas.
  

• Sadly, Jeff George did not play on Thursday night. Just think, a week ago George was earning money by tossing passes to tourists in the Aladdin Hotel and Casino in Las Vegas.
  

• Shame on the media for labeling Greece�s victory over the USA in that basketball tournament as an upset. Seriously. Any team coached by Mike Krymmalcxvvbnmski is bound to choke. Just like Duke. But he will probably make a commercial about it.
  

• The Angels and A�s were idle on Thursday night, but Oakland did manage to add another half-game to their lead. Don�t know how that was possible.
  

• Account balance on Utah and the points at UCLA this weekend. It might not even be a bad bet to take the Utes on the money line. USC will struggle early, but should handle Arkansas pretty well. Georgia Tech covers against Notre Dame and Cal runs Tennessee off the field, causing Phillip Fulmer to eat his weight in ice cream and resign.
  

• Your moment of Bish: Dorrell, the Dodgers' J.D. Drew and the Angels' Garret Anderson would be difficult to separate on your basic languid meter. ... So what are you trying to say here, Bish, that Dorrell is boring? Hold on, there�s a call on the phone for you, Bish. It�s the pot and he is saying something about you being black. Seriously, if the Bish is calling you dull, then you have problems. Of course, all of this was a lot more entertaining when T.J. Simers poked fun at Dorrell's dull personality three years ago. But nobody has ever accused the Bish of being timely.
  

AND FINALLY
The Sun Devils are going to need to do a little bit of improvement after deceivingly defeating Northern Arizona, 35-14. It was a lot closer than that. They got rid of Bruce Snyder for this brand of underachieving? You start to wonder if anybody can make it work in Tempe. It�s too early to say that about Chuck Long and San Diego State who lost its home opener. But the Aztecs should be perennial favorites to win the Mountain West every year. There is no excuse for these two schools not to be top programs given their great location, weather and female student population. Cowgirl might never get noticed in schools like these. Cowgirl is hot, but she�d be a seven at places like ASU, SDSU and Cal State Fullerton.