Toilet humor

Brief spoilers for "Curb Your Enthusiasm" and "Saturday Night Live" -- I have two columns to write today but will try to hit some of the other Sunday shows (Desperate Housewives, Brothers & Sisters and Brotherhood) in a separate post if I have the time -- coming up just as soon as I buy Jake Gyllenhaal a razor...

Had to happen sooner or later, I guess, but we got our first bad "Curb Your Enthusiasm" of the season. A few funny bits here and there -- Leon's rant about how Larry should have responded to the skinhead, and Charles Napier as the barber beating the hell out of Larry with his towel -- but Larry's bathroom talk phobia didn't really work, several scenes called on him to horribly overact (both hearing damage incidents, plus the stink eye lie detector gag that was old by the second time he did it years ago), and the mistaken identity payoff stole a gag the show had done just two episodes ago (Leon getting in the face of the wrong guy) without tying together enough of the other storylines. Hopefully, next week will be back on form.

Lorne Michaels likes to say that athletes are among the best "SNL" hosts, and I can think of a bunch of brilliant athlete-featured sketches over the years: Michael Jordan and Stuart Smalley, Wayne Gretzky in "Waikiki Hockey," Joe Montana as sincere guy Stu, and Peyton Manning's United Way commercial last year. I don't know that anything from LeBron James' hosting debut is going to make it into the time capsule, especially since the two best segments of the show -- the digital short and Kanye West disrupting the Nobel Prize ceremony -- didn't feature him. Still, Bron-Bron had a few funny moments, notably the literacy commercial (Sudeikis' delivery of "It's a book!" was hilarious) and his stint as a Solid Gold dancer, and I haven't been able to get the damn Adam Levine portion of "Iran So Far Away" out of my head for 36 hours, so they're doing something right over there. Looking forward to Seth Rogen.

What did everybody else think?

International brotherhood of nerds

Today's column looks at the CW's "Aliens in America":

In this, the TV Year of the Nerd, I can't help but wonder how giddy Toby Radloff's feeling.

If you're among the select handful who saw the great movie "American Splendor" - or the even more select group who read the Harvey Pekar comic books that inspired it - you know Toby as Pekar's geeky co-worker. And you know that Toby (both the real guy and the version played in the movie by Judah Friedlander) drove 260 miles round- trip - not once, but multiple times - to see "Revenge of the Nerds" because, as he memorably explained, "I consider myself a nerd. And this movie has uplifted me."

There's a lot of nerd uplift going on this season. We've got nerds working as spies ("Chuck"), nerds tracking down escapees from Hell ("Reaper"), nerds befriending the hot girl across the hall ("The Big Bang Theory") and, with tonight's premiere of the comedy "Aliens in America," nerds from two different continents and cultures discovering that nerd-hood transcends all races and creeds.

To read the full thing, click here, and feel free to use this post tonight to comment if you happen to watch the premiere.

The Post Mortem

Why is everybody surprised by the Chargers slow start? Every broadcaster is bewildered as to why the Chargers are underachieving this season. But are they as delusional as A.J. Smith?

Even if you wanted to throw Norv's record in Oakland out the window, you can't argue against the mountain of evidence that Norv compiled in Washington that illustrated that he wasn't fit to be an NFL coach.

And let's take a look at Norv's record in Oakland. People like Troy Aikman like to say that nobody could be successful in that situation up in Oakland. Oh really? Jon Gruden had the Raiders in the playoffs every season. Bill Callahan took the Raiders to the Super Bowl. So don't say that it can't be done in Oakland. Turner took a team that had been in Super Bowl only a few months earlier and made them the laughingstock of the NFL. Now he's done the same thing with the Chargers.

And everybody is surprise? Well, not everybody.

The best case scenario is that the Chargers hold on to Turner for the remainder of the season and end up with one of the top picks in the draft. Either that, or a sniper's bullet takes him out. The only question that remains is if Smith gets shown the door. Because this is going to lead to a lot of speculation that Pete Carroll is going to come down and take over the entire organization. Not saying that Carroll would, but that will be the hot rumor from now until the Chargers have a new coach. And the only way he would come down to San Diego (not saying that he will), would be if he had total control. So thanks a lot Chargers, the Carroll-to-San Diego rumor is going to dominate local sports talk radio for the rest of the season.

• Apologies to those of you who had their computers crash last night. Between the Chargers fans flooding eBay with their season tickets (in particular their Raiders tickets in two weeks), along with Raiders fans swamping Greyhound with ticket requests for Arizona in February, well, that was just more than the circuits to handle. And great, Qualcomm Stadium is going to be The McAfee South in a couple of weeks. Seriously, it took a few years, but Usama Bin Turner has the Raiders spirits sky-high again.

• Don't get too excited Raiders fans, as Not Terry Benedict pointed out, the club had a two-game winning streak under Art Shell, too. The only problem is, the Raiders have a bye this week, meaning a three-game winning streak is assured when they come to San Diego in two weeks. The Terror Alert level in San Diego is at an all-time high.

• Funny thing, too, looking back that there was a great fear that the Chargers would hire Mike Martz to be the coach. Ha, that would have been a much, much better option looking back.

• Dog damn it, you just couldn't (expletive) keep Marty you (expletive) jerks?

• Don't look now, but every team is tied for first place in the AFC West. Well, except for the Chargers, of course. Next week, the Chargers are at Denver. They are just greasing the skids. This is going to get really, really ugly before it gets better. And the fans chanting "Mar-ty, Mar-ty" is only the beginning.

• The quarterback platoon between the Kurt Warner Machine and Matt Leinart is one of the most entertaining parts of the young season. But who gets credits for these wins? And if the Warner Machine doesn't get the win, does he get credit for the hold or the save? But one thing to keep an eye on is how the quarterbacks react when the other is on the field. Warner is cheering and encouraging his teammates, while Leinart is seen holding his shoulder pads. If you want this to be your team, Matt, act like it.
  

• Brett Favre gets kicked around in these parts, but you have to marvel at what he has been able to do without a running game. The Packers leading rusher on Sunday was DeShawn Wynn who rushed for 20 yards. Not to jinx anything either, but the Pack has Chicago and Washington the next two weeks, meaning a 6-0 start is possible. But how long is this team going to be able to rely on just Brett alone?
  

• Seriously, how did the NFL ever find a Hispanic Cowboys fan to appear in those commercials? That must have been like trying to find a Raiders fan with a tattoo.

• How many of you, in office pools, are in line to win the thing with like seven wins? Tough week for picking straight up winners, but probably a good week against the spread.

• There is something about the Cowboys that just screams second-half meltdown. Maybe it's Terrell Owens acting like a team player or any otherwise shoddy defense, but something just doesn't add up for the Cowboys.

• The St. Louis football team is 0-4, and some have questioned coach Scott Linehan. Yeah, when you are forced to start actor Adam Goldberg at tackle and even he gets hurt, then there probably isn?t much your coach can do for the team. But if you think Linehan is that bad, how about St. Louis and Chargers swap head coaches?

• Cam Cameron is certainly giving Norv a run for his money in the title of "World's Worst Head Coach and Waste of Carbon." The Dolphins are wasting great games from Ronnie Brown and have proved that some guys can't step above coordinator.

• Bad break for the Buccaneers, with the loss of Cadillac Williams. The Bucs have played great, as Jeff Garcia has not thrown an interception this season. But despite the loss, the Bucs look like a great "under-the-radar" team that could surprise some in the NFC.

POLL DANCING
Why do they even bother having preseason polls? There is nothing to illustrate just how pointless the polls are than the voters who gave LSU the top spot because USC was not convincing enough in its victory at Washington. Not that it matters because whomever wins between No. 3 Cal and No.2 USC is going to play for the national championship.

That is, if they can avoid a potential a loss to surging Arizona State.

LSU is probably going to lose a game this season because the SEC is a bunch of mid-card curtain jerkers, meaning that the true wildcard in this scenario will be No. 6 South Florida. The Bulls realistically only have one more team to jump in the poll as the USC/CAL loser will slide past them, as will the loser of No. 4 Ohio State and No. 5 Wisconsin. One team to jump and South Florida will be in the national championship game.

That, of course, assumes that South Florida won't drop a game itself. The Bulls will play at Rutgers on Oct. 18 and play host to Cincinnati on Nov. 3, which will not be easy. You might even reason that the teams that lost this weekend did so at the right time so they have a chance to fight back into the thick of things. That is why the loser of the USC vs. Cal game should only drop a point, since losing to one of the top three teams in the country should not be viewed as a negative. Losing to Colorado, sucks. Losing to Kansas State, sucks. Losing to Auburn, sucks. But losing to Cal or USC isn't a bad loss. That will never work out that way, because, well, that would make sense.

• How do you think Loss Miles, Rich Brooks and some of the other SEC coaches feel about the Pac-10 having two of the top three teams in the AP poll? The SEC has three teams in the top 10, including overrated Kentucky. Seriously, what was the signature win for the Wildcats? And don't say Louisville. Too bad Cal or USC couldn't waltz through that butter-soft schedule that LSU has. A bunch of world-beaters like Tulane make that schedule imposing.

Hey Dr. Cox, how did you feel about our college football picks this week?



Alright, THN really took it in the shorts this week. We get it.

AND FINALLY
There was a story last week about NFL cheerleaders not being allowed to warm-up near the opposing team's bench. Guess which NFL team was the whistle blower on that?

Yes, take a wild guess on what fundamentalist-led team thought that cheerleaders should not be warming up on the Sabbath? That's right, the Colts. Here is the best part.

"...it was like something from a movie," said Indianapolis Colts cornerback Marlin Jackson. "You come into the locker room and they're lined up stretching. I was like, 'What's going on here?' It's like something from 'The Longest Yard.' They're in here stretching. We're trying to get warmed up. I think that's a good rule to have."

Dude, it was The Replacements. Try to get your movies right, jerk.