The Weak Ender

Tom Brady is convalescing at home, fighting an infection in his wounded knee, and his girlfriend Gisele is taking off her top for an ad to save the Atlantic forest. Hey, don't anybody tell her that the Atlantic is an ocean. You have to give props to these scam artists for getting her to strip for a bogus charity. Quick, somebody try to get Gisele to show up at THN headquarters for a nude photo shoot to save the Sahara Sea that is being over-fished right now.

There were reports that the Patriots were upset at Brady for having his surgery in California, instead of going to see Dr. James Andrews like all of the other athletes. The Patriots, of course, deny this. And if you can't trust the Patriots to be forthright and honest, then really, who can you believe?

The Browns actually. GM Phil Savage ripped Kellen Winslow for being upset with the team, saying that he and the club stood by him after that idiotic motorcycle accident, so he can shut up right now. The soldier, you may remember, was upset because the Browns GM didn't call him when he was in the hospital.

Speaking of the Browns, what's up with all of the staph infections coming out of that place. Only a in city where the lake catches on fire, could the football team be considered unsanitary. And what exactly is staph anyway? Though, it looks like Gisele could have caught it in that picture.

WHAT'S ALL THIS THEN?
Good thing the Chargers are out of the country this week. That way they won't have to watch the Giants and the Steelers this week. The two teams have quarterbacks from the 2004 NFL Draft who have actually won Super Bowls. So at least Philip Rivers doesn't have to be upset about missing the party. Eli Messiah -- the worst quarterback to ever win a Super Bowl -- was once property of the San Diego Chargers. And the Chargers were never seriously considering Ben Roethlisberger anyway.

The biggest insult will be the quarterback across the line from them, Drew Brees. The Chargers were a little too quick to get rid of Brees and it's end up costing them. Imagine if the Chargers had still drafted the Messiah in 2004, rapped the Giants for a bunch of picks, and instead drafted Sean Taylor.

Of course, Taylor wouldn't have had to deal with thieves in San Diego, but the local cops have been known to cap a Chargers player now and then. And if you watched Guy Pearce in Time Machine, you would be led to believe that he would have still died in a different way. But imagine if he did survive. The Chargers would have a pretty impressive defense with Shawne Merriman and Taylor.

Not that it would matter if Norv Turner was still the coach.

• Terrell Suggs is a little upset that a receiver, Hines Ward, is knocking out player. Suggs bragged when Raven snuffed out Rashard Mendenhall's season, and now says that Ward is next. Why are defensive players the biggest "pansies" on the field? First that long-haired chick for the Steelers complained about the fines, and now Suggs is talking about bounties. These morons have no qualms about loading up and hitting defenseless players, but they sure take exception when the shoe is on the other foot. BTW, Raiders and Raven face each other in a matchup of the 2000 AFC Championship Game. Hard to remember when the Raiders were good, right?
  

• Hard to get a read on the Cardinals this week. The Panthers looked dominant, shutting down Brees and the Saints last week. So what chance does the KWM have, right? But come on, the Panthers have not shown any consistency under John Fox. This seems like a letdown game for the Panthers, but don't have the guts to actually make the call.
  

• The Cowboys can't loose this week. They will find a way to get it done. Same with the Colts. Don't be fooled. The season is too young for the Cowboys and Colts to fall this far behind.
  

• Punch yourself in the face if you are looking forward to these games: Kansas City at the Jets; Buffalo at Miami; Cleveland at Jacksonville. You are safe with the Bengals at Texans, but only because of Steve Slaton.
  

• The Redskins should be more worried then they probably are against the Lions this week. The Slurs look like they are going to be one of those teams that beat up the big boys, but struggle against the, well, Lions of the world. Seriously, getting excited for a potential 0-16 year from the Lions would be cool, but they are going to pull one out.
  

• LSU loses at Georgia this week, but Two Loss Miles still tries to convince the world that his team should be playing in the national championship game. Texas and Penn State remain undefeated. Sorry Ohio State, you can't sucker people in anymore. Texas Tech smokes Kansas.
  

• Can UNLV breakthrough to get bowl eligible? Probably not. The Runnin' Rebels are only good on my xBox.

AND FINALLY
Arizona will beat USC his weekend. The Wildcats beat No. 2 Oregon last year, beat No. 8 Cal in 2006, No. 7 UCLA in 2005 and No. 18 ASU in 2004. These a-holes, much like Oregon State, get up for one game a year for Mike Stoopes. This is the one.