The Post Mortem

Danica Patrick has finally won an Indy-car race, ending one of the longest droughts since A.C. Green got married. A lot of you compared Patrick to Anna Kournikova and that wasn�t an entirely fair or accurate argument.

Anna is hot.

Of course, Danica�s victory smacked of the same authenticity of Randy Orton�s WWF title reign. That�s not to say that the race was fixed. But you have to figure that Indy racing was likely tired of having its only bankable star being the Brooklyn Brawler of the circuit. Now the �Danica can�t win the big one� will no longer be the topic when the Indianapolis 500 rolls around. Now we can just go back to ignoring the whole thing all together.

SPURS/SUNS CLASSIC
The Spurs and the Suns played in one of the greatest games in NBA history. Too bad it was only Game 1 of a best-of-seven first-round series, which seemingly won�t resume until next season. And if the NBA�s scheduling wasn�t enough to turn you off of basketball, the Hack-a-Shaq certainly would.

This feels safe to say now that Shaq no longer plays for the Lakers, but fouling Shaq is one of the biggest bush-league maneuvers in basketball. Not that it isn�t in the rules, and San Antonio was not wise to take advantage. But it brings to mind that famous scene from the Cannonball Run were the contestants were making a made dash for the finish line until Burt Reynolds jumped on the pile.

Reynolds knocked down the challengers (except for Captain Chaos and Adrienne Barbeau), leading Roger Moore to exclaim, �That is not a sporting way to win.�

To which Dean Martin replied, �No, it�s a (expletive) way to win.�

Of course, Dean was the same guy who said, �When somebody is sitting there holding all of the aces, the only thing left to do is kick over the table,� in Robin and the Seven Hoods. The sentiment still holds, however. Instead of finding a way to circumvent the rules, how about finding a way to be better than the other guy. A strange notion in a world where athletes ingest steroids in Slurpees and Olympic figure skaters hire goons to bash in somebody�s knee. But doesn�t anybody want to take the sporting way out?

Of course, Greg Pock-mock-o-vich has a bunch of rings, and yours truly toils on a blog. So that is where principals get you.

So forgive me for waiting a while to check in to the NBA Finals.

• Who hits better, the Washington Nationals or the Long Beach PD? Police in riot gear were called to a Pennywise concert at the Long Beach Grand Prix on Saturday, sending a couple of people to the hospital, including a 40- to 50-year old man who was tasered by police. Knowing that it was a Long Beach resident going to a Pennywise show leads you to believe the dude probably deserved it.

• Eli Messiah was wed this weekend. The bride was said to be wearing a stunning gown with gold embroidering with a large bow and short train in the back. No word on what Eli's groom was wearing.

• You are not officially a California resident until you are rear ended at least once. (In a car, sickos.) Welcome to California, Torii Hunter. The Angels center fielder was involved in a car accident on Friday when his Bentley was rear ended by a car that was struck by an orange spouped-up civic driven a Fast and the Furious wannabe. Hopefully that guy will be beaten repeatedly by his friends.

AND FINALLY



Nice arm on that kid. She throws better than Mark Prior.