The Weak Ender

As many of you are aware, Gisele is not pregnant. The supermodel finally put to bed the rumors with a recent announcement. Whether the whole thing was just a rumor, or if Tom just pushed her down a flight of stairs (Tommy Tuck Rule's theory, the bottom line is that she is not pregnant and that is what is really important.

SWEET 16

With UNLV and Georgetown back at the top of the basketball world, it's like the 1980s all over again. The humorous thing is that neither team resembles the teams of its past. The Rebels certain aren't the Runnin� Rebels and the Hoyas are running the Princeton-style of offense. Either way, the rebirth of these two programs has been enough to want to go out and fire up the Nintendo to play some Baseball Stars (easily the greatest baseball game ever created).

Bad news for the Rebels though, the Sports Dork has picked them to win tonight. He also liked Tennessee last night. Is there any way to stage an intervention to stop this guy?

• Is this the year that four No. 1s make it to the Final Four? No. Ohio State has been living on borrowed time for a while now. They can't possibly survive into the next round. Memphis should come out and boat race the Buckeyes, only the Tigers won�t let up on the gas this time. UCLA and Kansas should be a good battle, and it wouldn't surprise if both No. 1 seeds went down on Saturday.

• Phil Jackson hates March Madness and was a little upset when the Memphis Grizzlies fans were paying more attention to the Memphis/Texas A&M game than Kobe Bryant going for 60 against their club. Jackson complained to the scorer's table, who showed the closing moments of the college game on the stadium scoreboard. This upset Jackson because he felt that the disrespecting Memphis crowd should have its eyes trained on Kobe. Yeah, like the crowd at the Lakers game is all about the game.

• Could be wrong, but getting a growing sense from the Trojans fans that they are annoyed by the team�s recent success during the NCAA tournament. Like it is taking too much attention from spring practice or something.

• Gomer is going to be on Saturday Night Live this week? That's so surprising. Not that Gomer is going to find a way to get more television time, but that SNL is still on the air. THN will give Gomer a pass if he does two of the following things, reprises the Joe Montana/masturbation skit, mocks Eli Messiah, mocks James Dungy. Actually, any James Dungy jokes will earn him THN Patron Saint status.

• Carrie Underwood is going to be the musical guest on the show, so add a Tony Romo gag to the list of skits Gomer must perform.

• PacMan Jones had his house robbed. Why would anybody go to that trouble? If they hung around a strip club long enough, Jones would show up with $80K to give to the crowd. Of course, you run the risk of getting shot, but $80K is $80K.

AND FINALLY
Josh McRoberts is leaving Duke early to go to the NBA. Looks like he wants to get a head-start to retirement. Christian Laettner and Danny Ferry were actually good in college and they couldn't hang in the NBA. But maybe he's on to something. Guys that have escaped from Duke have ended up being much better in the NBA, like Elton Brand. So maybe getting away from Coach Krzytydfjkxcski will help improve his NBA stock. Imagine how horrible Kobe Bryant would be right now if he actually attended Duke. Skipping straight to the NBA was the best thing he could have ever done. Even though nobody watches him now.